For many years, I was the poster child for what not to do in love.
This is particularly ironic because I come from a highly functional nuclear family; my parents were together for 30 years before my Dad died. To this day, my Mom remains a strong, opinionated woman who taught me at a young age about the importance of commitment, compromise, and unconditional love.
Alas, there’s a big difference between knowing something and living it. I had to make fifteen years of dating mistakes before I finally figured out how to have a happy relationship.
What was even more ironic is that, all the while, I was a successful dating coach. Yet for all my business success, my romantic life was an absolute failure.
I never saw myself as a player–if anything, I dated frequently because I wanted to fall in love. But after 300 dates in 10 years, I had to own the fact that no matter how much I was helping others, something wasn’t working. I had to start making different decisions in love in order to create the happiness I’d always sought.
Two months later, I met someone who was nothing like the women I’d been dating. She was a West Coast Catholic conservative who was people-smart, content, and easygoing. I was an East Coast Jewish liberal who was book-smart, ambitious, and opinionated. It wasn’t an obvious fit. But every time I thought I could “do better” (read: find someone more like me) I realized that I’d never had an easier, happier, more functional and supportive relationship in my entire life.
After all of my dating and coaching experience, I’d found the most important thing in the world: a partner who saw me the way I saw myself, accepted me at my worst, and shared the same values and humor.
We were married in 2008. We’ve had two children after the age of 40. We have an unusually easy and close relationship. I am grateful for my wife every single day and never take her for granted. Unwittingly, she became my muse in teaching women how to connect with men, because whatever she does, it works.
I don’t give advice from a pedestal. I give advice from a place of experience, truth and love. I’m not concerned with being “right.” I’m only concerned that you find the relationship you deserve.
I believe firmly that the road to success is paved with failure, and since I’d failed so prolifically and ultimately found my own way, I feel uniquely qualified to help others have success in love. I believe that once you understand the realities of dating and how men think, you can make informed decisions. Finally, I believe that your informed decisions will catapult your relationships to new heights – not because you’ll suddenly have the power to change men, but because you’ll learn to accept them in full, the way you would like to be accepted yourself.
Only from here can you build a foundation for a love that lasts a lifetime.
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