I’m about to tell you something about men you may not believe at first.
And if you’re a single woman who’s had her share of disappointment and heartbreak with dating, you’re probably going to be a little skeptical. Okay, maybe a LOT skeptical.
Here it is:
Most single men are NOT toxic narcissists, liars, slackers, cheaters, or bad communicators. They’re not commitment-phobes or players, either.
I know that if you’ve been hurt in the past, you have a hard time believing this.
I get it. Men leave all the time. They lie sometimes. They fail to tell you what they’re really thinking.
They ghost you after an amazing first date. They give you the slow fade after sleeping with you. They break up after wasting three years of your life.
Like you, we’ve made a lot of mistakes—dated for attraction, dated out of loneliness, stayed too long when we should have gotten out—but we’re doing the best we can.
We, too, are struggling to figure out who will be the best long-term fit in our lives.
The truth is, most single men are good guys who are looking for the same thing you are—a soul mate with whom to share their life.
But because of their past bad dating experiences, that’s not how many women view men. Instead, you may make common and dangerous assumptions about men.
I say “dangerous” because they’re false, and if you believe them, it can be nearly impossible to find a great man and build a relationship that lasts a lifetime.
In other words, if you’re assuming these things about men, you’re wrecking your love life.
And when you don’t know the TRUTH about men, you will make some incredibly common mistakes in dating. I know this because of the thousands of women who come to me for advice; most of them are doing the exact same things that end up pushing men away.
It’s time to get real.
And stop assuming the wrong things. Here’s why…
When you’ve been burdened with a string of failed relationships and heartache with men, it’s hard to fully detox from these bad experiences.
You carry them around with you wherever you go.
And you project them onto every new man you meet.
These bad dating experiences can include:
These unfortunate dating experiences set you up for certain protective behaviors you’re not even consciously aware you’re doing.
You über-analyze everything he says, looking for half-truths and deception.
You can’t trust when he tells you he’s falling for you because you keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
You doubt that he REALLY wants to be with you, so you unintentionally sabotage the relationship with bickering, ultimatums, and accusations.
You blow things out of proportion, or you don’t give him the benefit of the doubt.
I hate to tell you this, but you become no fun to be around.
The man loses attraction to you, and guess what? It all becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He decides he can’t have a future with you. He pulls away. He finds someone else.
THIS is just one way your false beliefs about men can cause you to experience heartbreak.
You don’t deserve to have this happen to you over and over. That’s why it’s time for you to learn the truth and experience a new paradigm about men.
A new paradigm that can make dating more enjoyable and more successful for you.
Here we go.
It’s time for you to open up your mind to the possibility that most men are not liars, cheats, losers or commitment-phobes.
How do I know this is true? Well, for one, I’m a man and I know a lot of other good men.
But more importantly, I’ve spent the last 15 years hearing thousands of stories from my dating coaching clients. It’s usually glaringly obvious how their false assumptions, based on their bad dating experiences, have ruined their future love life.
That’s not to negate your bad experiences. They’re 100% valid and I completely understand why you might think the worst of men.
But remember; you’re working off a limited sample size.
Suddenly, you’re assuming that all men are like that one man who broke your heart. Or that there’s something fundamentally wrong with you. Or that ALL men are broken.
None of that is true. But this is:
You may assume men are complicated because you’ve heard a man say things that were inconsistent with his later actions. “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t—that sort of thing.
Or, he says he loves you, but he’s dealing with some personal stuff, isn’t ready for anything serious, needs time to process some things, or has been “terrible” at relationships before.
All of this may indicate to you that he’s got a lot of “issues” or has a mysterious inner world.
You figure that’s okay, because he just hasn’t met anyone like YOU. Once he sees how wonderful you are together, he’ll see the light, fall in love, and want to settle down.
Instead, despite your undeniable chemistry, he acts a little cold. Texts or calls less. Stops asking you out.
Soon, you’re asking your friends for feedback and Googling dating advice late at night in hopes of finding answers. You’re driving yourself crazy trying to figure him out.
But you know what? You’re wasting your time.
The truth of the matter is, men aren’t that complicated and they don’t play games.
The man who will be your boyfriend won’t leave you wondering and in agony over his words.
If he’s confusing you, all that means is that he’s confused, nothing more, nothing less.
If you’re spending too much time trying to figure out what a man wants, assuming that he’s complicated, you’re likely to make some painful mistakes.
You know what you’re really doing? You’re giving him waaaay too much power in the relationship. Which leads to the next truth about men…
You have this underlying belief that men are the ones with the power in relationships. Why might you think that?
If you’ve spent a great deal of time waiting around for a man to text you or ask you out again, you felt powerless.
If you’ve hoped a man would tell you he wanted to be exclusive with you, and he never did, you’ve felt powerless.
If you bide your time, patiently hoping he’d commit or propose to you, you’ve felt powerless.
Because men are usually the ones who ask you out, kiss you first, make the move to sleep with you, ask to be exclusive or propose to you, you’ve bought into this notion that men have all the power and control in relationships.
And you’d be very wrong! And very frustrated, too.
The fact is, YOU have all the power! Even though a man might make a move, YOU ultimately decide what is acceptable, and what is not.
You can say yes, and you can say no.
This is a GREAT position to be in.
It means that YOU—not men—have full control of your romantic destiny.
The tricky thing is empowering yourself without resorting to manipulative tactics when the relationship isn’t moving in the direction you want it to go.
Because as soon as you try to control a man to drive the relationship forward, you’re not really empowering yourself.
That’s because a man doesn’t like being pursued in this way, and will usually pull away. Fast.
It’s obvious to you that any man would be lucky to have you as his girlfriend. You have all the “right” qualities. You’re smart. Independent. Accomplished.
Yet, when you meet a man you like, he doesn’t ask you out again. Or he fades out of the relationship shortly after you sleep with him. Or he sticks around for a while, then tells you he’s too busy for a relationship. Or that he cares for you, but isn’t in love with you.
“What’s wrong with men?!” you may think.
Nothing is wrong with men. They just aren’t looking for the same things YOU want in a partner.
You may be looking for a smart, accomplished, “together” man who makes you feel safe and desired.
But a man falls in love for different reasons that have nothing to do with those qualities.
There’s only one thing that will make him decide that he wants to be your boyfriend, and ultimately, your husband (if that’s what you want):
If you have false beliefs about men, you need to get real.
Meaning, you need to find out what men are REALLY like, and what they really want from dating and relationships.
Lucky for you, that’s my specialty. I’ve spent 15 years as a dating and relationship coach, and helped thousands of women find love (even after years…or decades…of heartbreak and frustration).
I’ve partnered with Flourish to help women like you learn the truth about men, so you can stop making the same mistakes that push love away. And you can get more of my advice…for FREE…when you subscribe to our dating and relationship newsletter.
When you subscribe, you’ll get access to handpicked experts (like me!) giving you our best insights and strategies to find love and have the relationship of your dreams. You’ll learn:
No more waiting around. No more awkward questions on first dates. No more beating yourself up over something you “might” have said wrong to make him pull away.
You’ll have greater clarity over why a man acts the way he does, and that’s a huge improvement over making the wrong assumptions.
We can’t wait to tell you all the things that will make dating and relationships so much better for you.
Warmest wishes and much love,