True or false?
“The people in my life can’t seem to give me what I need.”
Does that strike a chord with you?
If so, maybe it’s because your romantic partner is too self-centered in your opinion, and isn’t there for you in the way you’d like him or her to be.
Or because your friends don’t reciprocate enough. You are always inviting them, making plans, listening to them…but when you need them, they’re too busy.
And your family members don’t understand you or accept you. They take more than they give. They just speak their mind without thinking twice about how their words are affecting you.
Which can describe your colleagues and co-workers, too.
Have you thought about what to do about all of this?
Do you need to break up with your partner?
Find some new friends?
Tell your family members off?
Quit your job?
It’s possible that you may not need to do any of these things.
Because the underlying cause of ALL these issues and problems may not necessarily be the obvious thing you think it is—the selfish, disrespectful and clueless people in your life.
It could be something else entirely, and if so, it’s actually good news for you (I’ll explain why in this article).
Here’s a test to figure out which one it is:
Granted, sometimes we find ourselves having to deal with truly difficult people in our lives.
We fall in love with an abusive or neglectful partner.
We work in a toxic environment.
And some of our family members are just plain irritating, no matter how many boundaries we set with them.
But here’s the litmus test:
Is this just this one relationship that’s challenging?
Just this one particular employer/client/job?
Just this one family member?
Or is this a complaint that you have with many people in your life?
A particular pattern that keeps repeating…
Year after year? Job to job? Relationship to relationship?
If your answer is that you befriend or fall for selfish, clueless people more often than not, or it’s a pattern, then this is actually good news, because it means your life can be easier without needing anyone in your life to step up, change or start behaving nicer.
You don’t have to overhaul all your relationships or change your circumstances, either.
But you do have to change something.
The “beliefs” I’m talking about are the ones that we all absorb and develop growing up.
They are called “false beliefs” because they are inherently not true. But we behave as if they are true. That’s because they reside in the lower, unconscious part of our brain, where we are unaware that they exist unless we consciously examine them.
They govern our lives and block our ability to manifest what we really want in life.
They affect how we show up in relationships.
How did these false beliefs even get into our head in the first place?
They were programmed in our mind by the way that we were treated growing up, or from what we observed from our parents or caregivers and the way they treated themselves.
Because it’s true: You’re NOT getting what you need from others.
That’s because you can’t get the most important thing you need from others, anyway.
You can only get it from yourself.
And that’s self-love.
Perhaps this is the first time you’ve ever even heard of such a thing as a “false belief.” And you certainly never considered that you were creating the painful dynamics in your life.
Or, you’ve done a lot of reading and are savvy to the concept, but you’ve never taken the time to fully examine your own false beliefs.
In any case, false beliefs are very deeply ingrained in all of us because of how young we were when we absorbed these beliefs. It’s not impossible to examine or reverse these beliefs, but it does take a willingness to learn (about ourselves) first.
Once you see how your complaints and recurring struggles are really about something going on with “you” and not “them,” the quality of your life and relationships will skyrocket.
You will make decisions based on what’s in your highest good, not out of guilt, shame or a need for acceptance.
You will choose your actions and words more consciously, based on the results you want, not the false belief that certain outcomes are “inevitable.”
You will feel liberated, because you’ll see that your life doesn’t have to be a certain way. It can be however you imagine it to be.
All of this is what self-love is all about:
The willingness to learn about how our unconscious patterns and beliefs are governing our lives, and taking action to heal ourselves from these beliefs that are keeping us stuck.
And that’s where my eBook, Thriving At Last, can help.
Thriving At Last will take you through a powerful, 6-step process that includes uncovering your false beliefs, seeing how they’re running your life, and then taking specific actions to be loving to yourself and dispel these false beliefs.
You can learn more and download your copy here:Learn More
You don’t have to wait for anyone or anything in your life to change before you can feel joyful and whole.
You can transform your entire life simply by changing what you believe. Isn’t that so empowering?
P.S. Like so many people I’ve worked with in the last several decades, you may be relieved to know that there’s a real and lasting solution to your persistent feelings of anxiety, malaise, anger, and discontent.
It’s contained in the 6-step process in my eBook, Thriving At Last, and you can start to feel better as soon as you go through step one:Start Now