Are there times when you feel blue about your life and you don’t know why?
Perhaps you’re angry about something, but you can’t put your finger on what, exactly. You’d describe it as a low-level irritability and dissatisfaction.
A general crabbiness, you might say.
Or you harbor judgments and resentments toward the people in your life. Your friends are “needy,” your mother is a “basket case,” your partner is being “self-centered,” and your kids are “whiners.”
Let’s face it. You’re just not as content as you’d like to be. The people in your life aren’t helping, either.
And you’re not sure what to do about it.
If this describes you in any way, you’re going to want to keep reading, because in this article, I’m going to reveal the hidden forces that could be running—and ruining—your life, and what to do about it.
The quality of our lives and relationships has a lot to do with the things we believe about life, ourselves and others.
For example, we may believe that the world is a fundamentally friendly place, or we may believe that it’s not.
If we believe it’s friendly, we will go through life more trusting of others and we feel more confident about taking risks than someone who’s always expecting others to be self-serving.
That’s a very simple way of demonstrating that what you believe can affect your life.
But there are certain types of beliefs that are formed in childhood that can be even more harmful and limiting.
They can actually cause you to have inexplicable depression-like symptoms and all sorts of personal, relationship or career problems.
These are called false beliefs.
They are called “false beliefs” because they are inherently not true.
But we behave as if they are true because we haven’t actually examined them or rationalized them.
Because they reside in the lower, unconscious part of our brain, where we are unaware that they exist.
These beliefs were formed when we were young children, when we observed our parents and caregivers (or peers, teachers and family members) interacting with others, or when their words and behavior toward us led us to conclude certain things about ourselves.
We saw our mother miserable on the couch day after day after our father moved out, and it led us to conclude something untrue about feeling happy and being in a relationship.
We heard our caregiver tells us that we “made” them angry or worried, and it led us to conclude something untrue about our responsibility for others’ feelings.
The specific false beliefs you formed depend on what occurred when you were growing up.
There as many kinds of false beliefs as there are people in the world.
But in my 50-year career, I’ve seen certain ones that are both fairly common and particularly harmful.
These are three of them:
Out of all the countless false beliefs that one might have, these are three of the most common ones I heard from my clients over the years.
Chances are good that at least one will resonate with you:
Many of the clients I work with grew up with controlling and invasive parents. What this programmed in them is that they either have to give themselves up in order to be loved, or completely resist in order to protect themselves from being controlled.
Now, they find that as soon as they really like someone, they take responsibility for the other’s feelings, by going along with what the other wants. Then, what frequently happens is they feel engulfed by the relationship, and then they shut down and resist, which leads to feeling that this is not the right relationship.
This can happen over and over so that you’re in and out of relationships, friendships and even jobs. You are either getting stressed out because you give too much, or you’re running away from the discomfort of feeling smothered and controlled.
Or, you continue giving yourself up and eventually feel angry that you are not receiving back what you are giving.
The real reason for your resentment or anger may not be apparent to you. You are likely not aware that it’s the result of you abiding by this false belief.
The other side of this belief is “Others are responsible for my feelings—for making me feel happy and safe.”
When you believe that you are, in some way, not enough, then you are constantly trying to prove that you are enough.
Maybe you grew up hearing that whatever you did was never enough, and therefore YOU weren’t enough in your essence to feel loved and accepted by your parents/caregivers.
The way in which this was established in your young mind didn’t necessarily have to be overt, either. No one actually had to say that you weren’t good enough.
They just had to say that the “B” on your report card wasn’t up to par, because it wasn’t an “A.”
Or that you scoring a goal in sports was irrelevant because your team still lost the game.
Or that being creative and building a fort out of blankets wasn’t good enough because you made a big mess in the living room.
Now, as an adult, you bend over backwards trying to be the perfect friend, the perfect partner, the perfect employee because you want validation that you’re a good person. When that’s not enough to get validation of your self-worth, you then feel that you’re giving too much and not getting enough in return.
The truth is, no one can ever “make” you feel good enough when your unexamined false belief dictates that you’re not.
You’ll forever remain on the hamster wheel of never feeling quite good enough, and get angry, resentful, stressed out, exhausted, burned out.
Again, you may feel discontent about your life without fully understanding why.
This false belief is why.
This belief seems to be more prevalent in women than in men. While men are often taught that their happiness and value comes from their financial success, women are taught that their happiness and value lies in being in a relationship.
When you have this belief, then you put all your effort into finding the right relationship, rather than in developing a loving internal relationship with yourself.
You look for a relationship in order to get something—love, validation, sex, safety, approval, fun—rather than to share the fullness of your own being.
These are the ways that unconscious or unexamined false beliefs can govern, or even ruin, your life.
They can lead you to believe that you’re not getting what you need from others.
Isn’t it time to bring these false beliefs to the light of day, so you can dissolve them and start to experience your life as it was always meant to be?
Let me show you how.
Now that you see how false beliefs may be running your life, there’s something else about false beliefs you have to understand.
They are deeply ingrained in all of us because of how young we were when we absorbed them. That means that without help and guidance, it can be challenging to see what’s a false belief, and what’s not.
That’s where my eBook, Thriving At Last, comes in.
Thriving At Last teaches you step-by-step how to uncover your false beliefs, recognize how they’re running your life, and take specific actions that unwind those beliefs and reverse the damaging patterns ruining your life.
I’ve included detailed questionnaires and self-reflection exercises in Thriving At Last that help you get to the bottom of what the beliefs are, when they were formed, and why.
Next, you’ll learn a powerful, 6-step process that will help you reclaim your self-worth, so you’ll stop doing things in order to feel “good enough” — because you’ll realize you’re already good enough.
Not only are you good enough, but you also have inherent wisdom and divine nature, and this eBook will help you recognize that at last.
You can learn more here or start with Step One and begin unraveling your false beliefs today:Start Here
Don’t spend the rest of your life being ruled by something that no longer serves you, and isn’t who you really are anyway.
Let Thriving At Last show you that you have choices, and you can choose to live the life you’ve always wanted.
P.S. Your painful, unpleasant feelings are always trying to tell you something. You’re either not acknowledging something, or you’re not listening to your inner voice, or you’re not really feeling your feelings—you’re stuffing them. In other words, if you feel malaise, there’s a reason for it. A good reason. Isn’t it time you found out what it is?
Thriving At Last will help you get to the bottom of your painful feelings and take action on your own behalf, so that you can move through those feelings and then past them.Learn How