I consider “IF ONLY” to be two very dangerous words.
They’re dangerous because they actually distract us from the real cause of our unhappiness.
“IF ONLY” has us looking for answers outside ourselves, forever trying to change how others behave in order to feel better about our own lives.
We believe that our relationships, work, and health could be better, if only this person acted a certain way, or if only there weren’t so many obstacles in the way.
It turns us away from the one thing that CAN change how we feel about our lives.
And that is looking within, to how we really feel about ourselves.
Because in order to feel at peace and fully content with our lives, we must first and foremost learn to love ourselves.
But here’s the tricky part:
Most of us don’t even realize that we don’t love ourselves.
We think “if only” we could make a little more money, we could afford the things that would make us really happy... like remodeling our kitchen, buying a better car, or booking a vacation to Hawaii.
If only we could get some cooperation around the house from our partner or kids, we could finally relax and do something nice for ourselves instead of wearing ourselves out keeping things tidy and functioning.
If only we didn’t work such long hours or have such a long commute, we would have the energy to go to the gym and eat better, and take better care of our health.
But the truth is none of those “if only’s” will make us feel happy at all.
Even if we got everything we wanted, there would be something else that would eat away at our contentment, because the “if only’s” are only SYMPTOMS of the real problem.
So we need to get clear about the real problem, so we can focus on a solution that will REALLY work.
The real problem, and why so many of us feel chronically unhappy with our life, is related to how we really feel about ourselves.
In order to feel at peace and fully content with our lives, we must first and foremost learn to love ourselves.
And for most of us, it’s hard to know whether or not we truly love and accept ourselves, or if we just think we do.
So what are the signs that you actually don’t love yourself?
When working with individuals in therapy or in a group session, there are many signs that point to a person not loving themselves.
These two are particularly insidious, because they lie beneath that chronic sense of discontent that can last decades - a lifetime, even. See if you can relate:
#1 SIGN: You run yourself ragged trying to be everything to everyone.
Your boss sends you a last minute request, and you always do them right away, even when it means missing dinner dates, time with your kids, or workouts with friends at the gym.
You offer to watch your neighbor’s dog while he’s on vacation, even though you barely have time to walk and play with your own dog.
You say “yes” even when you don’t have the time, energy, or desire, because you don’t want to disappoint the people that count on you.
You think your problem is that you’re not organized enough, that you don’t set good enough boundaries or that there’s just not enough time in the day to do everything you want to do.
Actually the problem isn’t that at all.
The problem is that you don’t love yourself, so you’re always trying to prove something to someone - that you’re a good partner, a good parent, or a good employee. Unless you learn to love yourself, you’ll forever run yourself ragged and never feel accomplished.
#2 SIGN: You never feel like you’re “enough.”
No matter what you do for others, you don’t feel like you’re enough, meaning, you don’t ever feel that people truly love or respect you. Nothing you do is ever enough to make others (or yourself) satisfied for long.
If you’re single, this shows up in that sinking feeling you get whenever your partner is acting distant or your worry over whether or not they’ll call you again. They may have told you they had a nice time on the date, but you won’t believe them. You’re convinced that other people have great relationships, but that you never will.
If you’re in a relationship, it could mean that you seethe with jealousy whenever your partner talks about another person or pays attention to anyone else. You fear being abandoned and you worry about them breaking up with you. You can’t handle criticism and feel like your partner is constantly on your back about something.
At work it means not feeling appreciated or respected for your contribution. At home it can be second-guessing how you treated your kids. Did you say the right thing? Is someone going to think you’re a bad parent?
It could show up as never being happy with how you look or feel and therefore giving up on the habits that can really make a difference in your health.
You may think all these problems are the results of choosing the wrong partner, or having an inconsiderate boss, or out-of-control kids. But actually these are all symptoms of a greater problem - that you don’t love yourself.
And it can lead to strained or broken relationships, career setbacks, and a whole host of health issues.
Not loving yourself is a symptom of so many personal problems, but there is one solution that can turn everything around.
You can solve a lot of the problems you’re experiencing in life if you just learn to love yourself.
You don’t have to feel exhausted all the time. You don’t have to feel inadequate in any area of life, or wonder if you’ll ever be loved the way you deserve.
You just need to learn how to tap into who you really are, and then accept yourself fully.
In my Learning to Love Yourself Special Bundle, I take you through the same exact process that I went through myself 40 years ago when I had the first of many breakthroughs that changed my life. I’ll explain how and why loving yourself works, and the steps you can take immediately in order to start to make huge changes in your life, love, and happiness.
This process, which I turned into a powerful therapeutic technique that I’ve successfully taught to more than 20,000 individuals in the last four decades, will enable you to free yourself of feelings of chronic dissatisfaction, increase your self-esteem, and feel at peace with your life and love.
Here’s a sample of what you’ll learn from the Learning to Love Yourself Special Bundle:
And this Special Bundle is ONLY available here at this link:Get The Love Yourself Special Bundle Here
When you learn to love yourself, all your relationships can be transformed. You’ll no longer run yourself ragged, trying to please everyone and never feeling like you’re enough at the end of the day.
Relationships will energize you instead of draining you. You’ll feel self-assured, relaxed, and free, at last.
P.S.Included in your Learning to Love Yourself Special Bundle is the most updated version of the best-selling Learning to Love Yourself Workbook.
This workbook contains dozens of teachings and powerful advice on personal growth and loving yourself. Learn strategies to overcome the key difficulty in a co-dependent relationship, move from a victim position to an empowered one, and clear "heavy" feelings from old childhood emotional wounds. There are also body-centered exercises to help you clear up a chronically painful relationship, improve your body image, self-esteem, and more.
Done alone or with a partner, these exercises will help you embody the Love Yourself techniques described in the ebook, as well as help you move through difficult emotions like fear, guilt, and shame.
This workbook is normally sold separately but is included in this special bundle.Love Yourself Starting Tonight