Most People Have The Wrong Idea About Self Love. Do You?

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What comes to mind when you hear that you need to practice “self love” or “be more loving to yourself”?

Do you nod in agreement, but guiltily admit that you haven’t done it?

Do you cringe, because it sounds a bit “woo-woo” and out there?

Do you imagine that people who do it are narcissistic, self-indulgent, selfish, and self-centered?

Do you glaze over because you don’t get what it means or why it even matters?

Or maybe you picture being loving to yourself as getting a massage, buying pricey clothes to update your wardrobe, or buying a new car “because you deserve it.”

If so, you wouldn’t be alone.

MOST people don’t understand what being loving to yourself, or practicing self love, really means, why it’s so important, and even if they do understand, they have the wrong idea of how to do it.

And that’s really unfortunate, because the LACK of self love, or the inability to be loving to yourself, is at the root of most worry, anxiety, shame, guilt, fear, anger, addictions, and most relationship conflict.

Isn’t that incredible?

The good news is, that once you understand what it means to be loving to yourself and how to do it, you can finally let go of all those distressing feelings and addictions and live your life fulfilled, self-assured, empowered, and happy.

The Biggest Misconceptions About Being Loving To Yourself

I’ve already mentioned above some of the biggest misconceptions about being loving to yourself: that it’s indulgent, that it’s “out there,” that it’s too hard, too vague, too self-centered and selfish.

But there are other misconceptions that may be keeping you from learning more about self love, and how to do it properly.

For example, you may think that self love is about affirmations or mantras, like telling yourself that you’re a good person who deserves to be treated well.

afrain american meditating

Yes, but that’s an incomplete picture.

Or you think that self love means being okay the way you are—that your body is beautiful as it is, that the way you show up in relationships is fine, and that your preferences and quirks are unique and lovable.

All that is wonderful. It’s good to accept yourself, but if you’re doing it because you want to make yourself immune to others’ criticism, you’re not really being loving to yourself.

You’re just putting on a defensive posture to protect yourself from the pain of rejection.

When you know the truth about how to be loving to yourself, you don’t internalize others’ criticism quite so much. You don’t need to aggressively defend your lifestyle or way of doing things.

You just do what’s in your best interest, and you see the truth about others—that they’re doing the best THEY can to feel safe and loved.

Being loving to yourself means valuing your essence—who you really are—and being devoted to getting to know yourself, and listening to what gives you joy. It means taking action to manifest that joy.

That’s why knowing how to be loving to yourself is so important—so that you know what you need in order to feel joy in life.

But there are other reasons self love is important, and it has to do with the quality of your life, for the rest of your life.

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What Happens When You’re NOT Being Loving To Yourself…

To recap, if you think that being loving to yourself is superfluous or irrelevant to your life, you don’t know the truth about self love.

Being loving to yourself is at the core of emotional and physical wellbeing and overall contentment with life and relationships.

When you’re not being loving to yourself, you can’t really be content and fulfilled, because you’re constantly struggling, worrying, or complaining about others for the way they’re treating you.

You think it has to do with what’s going on externally, but the truth is that you have things you’re not handling internally, meaning, you’re not being loving to yourself.

When you fail to love yourself, you may:

  • Blame others for your anger, guilt, shame, irritability, and malaise. It always seems like it’s someone else’s fault that you’re not at peace with yourself.
  • Become a magnet for toxic, narcissistic people who abuse you, ridicule you, or manipulate you. You don’t see this at first, either. These people (often romantic partners) are so charming. You believe they love you like no one has loved you before. You feel accepted, adored, and happy—until they start to use you, be cruel, or dismiss you and your needs.
  • Often say “yes” to things you don’t really want to do. You don’t want to offend anyone. You don’t want to rock the boat by speaking your mind. You prefer to just go along with whatever, because you’re not in the mood for a fight. You stay on the phone longer than you want to. You lend out money you can’t afford. You waste half your weekend cleaning up after others. This leaves you drained and resentful in the long run.
  • Lose yourself in relationships. You fall head-over-heels in love, and then months, years, or decades later, when the relationship falls apart, you’re left wondering what happened to all your dreams? Where are all your friends? You allow the other person in your life to become your “everything” and you forget who you are or what your interests or passions are—other than the other person.
  • Not stand up for yourself. You allow others to ridicule or insult you, either overtly or covertly, and then beat yourself up later for being so “weak” or for sitting there like a deer in the headlights, not saying anything in your own defense. Sure, you can think of plenty of things to say after the fact, when it’s too late. But in the moment, you fail to stand up for yourself.

And those are just a few of the many lifelong, painful patterns and kinds of relationships you can find yourself repeating when you’re not being loving to yourself.

On the other hand…

Here’s What Happens When You ARE (Being Loving)…

When you know how to be loving with yourself, the whole world looks like a much friendlier place, and you’re much happier with yourself and your life.

That’s because you’ve uncovered and healed the hidden reason for your malaise, fear, guilt, shame, and relationship conflicts, and you know how to transform and heal it.

You’re much less likely to lash out at loved ones, or sink into a funk for no apparent reason, because you’re expressing what you’ve been afraid to express, or doing what you’ve wanted to do for yourself for so long.

Your inner voice becomes your most loyal best friend and a source of unlimited inner wisdom, rather than an internal bully.

You really enjoy your “alone” time without feeling rejected, abandoned, or deeply lonely.

You will start to value your body, health, and well-being, and have less internal resistance to eating healthier foods and exercising.

You can laugh at yourself, don’t take life quite so seriously, so that even setbacks and life’s sad moments are put into perspective.

You have greater empathy for others, and others treat you with more respect and consideration because you have no qualms about setting boundaries.

You have less need for material wealth because you have an abundant source of happiness within—and you find yourself able to manifest what you want so much more easily.

Those are just a few of the benefits of knowing how to be loving to yourself that you can enjoy for a lifetime.

Imagine feeling so self-assured, so in charge of your destiny, so good in your skin, that almost nothing can shake the joy you have inside.

And the best way you’re going to get these kinds of benefits is if you know what to do to be loving to yourself, and you take action.

That means not just nodding in agreement with this article, or agreeing “in theory” about self love, but actually doing something about it this time.

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Learn The Truth About Self Love And Heal In 6 Miraculous Steps

Many decades ago, I realized after working with people in deep, emotional pain, that most of them had no idea about what it means to be loving to themselves.

They had spent a lifetime in these painful patterns that left them exhausted and hopeless.

Once they started working with me, and started using a process that helped them be loving to themselves in a way they never expected and never even imagined, their lives completely transformed.

African American woman sitting smerk chin in hand

They began to see how they were creating their own pain, which was a revelation to them. Why? Because if they are creating their pain, that means they can heal their pain, too.

I call this process of healing and learning how to be loving to yourself Inner Bonding.

Inner Bonding happens in 6 steps, and in my eBook, Thriving At Last, I guide you through each of these steps in detail.

First, I help you uncover the false, hidden beliefs that stem from your childhood experiences. These beliefs are the driving force behind most of your painful patterns that I mentioned in this article.

You’ll finally understand WHY you’re so afraid of offending others, why you say “yes” when you’d prefer to say “no,” why you’re a magnet for abusive narcissists and bullies.

But more than just merely understanding these truths, you’ll learn how to dialogue with your subconscious in a way that reveals your underlying emotions and motivations, and helps you determine what action you need to take right away to be more loving to yourself.

There are self-reflection exercises at the end of every chapter of Thriving At Last that help you do all of this on your own, in real-time, in detail, and in private.

This is the ultimate healing tool for your emotional and physical wellbeing.

After more than 30+ years of experience with this process, helping thousands of people, I can confidently state that this process always works when you work it.

And now you can learn all about it, what it is, why it matters, and more importantly, how to do it, by downloading my eBook here:

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You may have agreed that loving yourself is important. But maybe you’ve never known why, or how to do it, exactly.

I’m grateful to be able to make this miraculous resource and tool available to you today.


Margaret Paul

P.S. Did you know that codependence is a symptom of a lack of self love? What happens when you’re codependent? How would you know how codependent you are?

In Thriving At Last, there’s a quiz you can take that reveals just HOW codependent you are, and what to do about it.

There’s no shame in being codependent. It’s just one way so many of us have of coping with the deeply painful feelings that originate in childhood. If you’re ready, you CAN become a more integrated, happier person with better boundaries. Find out how in my eBook:

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