9 False Beliefs That Make You Miserable

by Marci Shimoff

I’m exceptionally happy, but I didn’t always feel that way.

I’ve built my career around discovering how to be happier—because I was deeply unhappy for the first few decades of my life.

I used to think that I was somehow not wired for happiness—that other people had this inborn ease and joy about them that simply wasn’t available to me.

Boy, was I wrong!

Once I made it my mission to excavate the true causes of happiness, I learned that it wasn’t fate at all—but rather a fairly predictable science.

In other words, there are certain beliefs that result in feeling happier, while there are others that will decidedly make you pretty miserable.

As with any process of transformation, the first step is awareness. For me, that meant realizing that I had most—if not all—of these false beliefs guaranteed to make me miserable.

1 False Belief: Success is the key to happiness.

We all know people who are highly successful, yet they’re very unhappy. Clearly, having a fat bank account and scores of fans is not going to put a smile on your face.

However, the flip side IS true—happier people are more creative, and they are also more successful. On average, happier people live nine years longer and make half a million dollars more in the course of their lifetime. We’re also one-third less likely to get sick. Being happy really does have its fringe benefits, but happiness onto itself is really the reward.

We want to be happier not only because it inherently feels good, but because it does affect our external lives—it allows us to have better relationships and be more successful. Even companies are realizing that focusing on making their employees happier is tantamount to business success.

2 False Belief: Others’s happiness should always be a priority.

Do you have a hard time saying “no?” Are you always thinking of things to do—for other people?

While being thoughtful and generous is a beautiful thing, it’s only going to drain you and make you miserable if you’re not taking care of yourself first.

Loving yourself is not selfish, it’s essential!

When we don’t love ourselves, we suffer emotionally as well as physically.

One of my favorite stories highlighting the power of self-love is about a woman named Sally who was on the verge of her THIRD liver transplant. After numerous treatments, she tried something different: She committed to practicing self love every day for 5-10 minutes. Two months later she went back to her doctor, and the doctor was shocked to find that her liver was completely healed. That was over 20 years ago, and she’s one of the happiest people I know.

3 False Belief: I have to feel happy all the time.

Are you really hard on yourself? Do you wonder why certain things still get you down even after you’ve “worked” on yourself?

The happiest people on Earth are also very much in touch with what it means to be human. They know that experiencing the whole spectrum of emotions is perfectly normal. Yet because they know that our feelings can fluctuate, they’re also able to ride out the not-so-happy feelings much better.

Being truly happy is not about walking around 24/7 with a smile on your face and being in a Pollyanna state of denial. We’re human. We’re going to have hard things happen to us. We’re going to feel anger, grief, sadness, and frustration. And that’s okay.

We bounce back from those difficult emotions much faster when we don’t spend a lot of energy beating ourselves up for feeling them in the first place.

4 False Belief: There’s a perfect partner out there, I just have to find them.

I was looking for my soulmate for many years, but it’s no wonder I couldn’t find him—the man who was ultimately meant for me looked nothing like what I had imagined!

When Sergei and I finally met, he was younger and slimmer than the man of my dreams. But once we got to know each other, it was clear the two of us were absolutely meant to be together.

That’s why I urge all my single friends to dump their checklist and stay open to possibilities. And if you’re already in a relationship that isn’t going so well, there’s a good chance your partner is exactly what you need—you just need to change how you see them. Which leads me to…

5 False Belief: The people in my life all have something wrong with them.

What you put your attention on grows stronger. When we focus on what’s working, we get more of it. If you appreciate your partner, he or she is likely going to feel good and give you back more of the same.

The opposite is also true. When we find fault with each other, it’s not going to create warm-and-fuzzy feelings. This is something we have to actively guard against, because human beings are wired to look for the negative. It’s a leftover survival instinct from our ancestors. You needed to be on the alert for a possible predator, which made it difficult to relax into the moment.

Happier people have reversed this. They’ve learned to focus on the positives by practicing appreciation. You can rewire your thinking with happiness habits, too.

6 False Belief: I can’t be happy until____.

Do you have the “I’ll be happier when” syndrome? Do you think you’ll be happy when you make more money, lose 20 pounds, or fall in love?

Whenever you place your happiness on things outside of you, you put yourself in a very precarious position. Stocks can tank, your weight can fluctuate, and your partner—if you do meet one—may not always be there.

You, however, will always be with you. When we have this internal state of being happy for no reason, it means we have a backdrop of peace and wellbeing that we carry with us wherever we go. So instead of looking to our life circumstances to extract our happiness, we’re bringing our happiness to our life circumstances.

7 False Belief: I can’t forgive, because then I’m condoning bad behavior.

People ask me all the time what’s the fast track to greater happiness. If there was one universal answer, it would be this: forgiveness.

We tend to hang on to grudges, resentment, and anger—whether towards others or to ourselves. These end up being like little energy packets of negativity that drain happiness.

So, if you’re stuck in any area of your life—financial, career, relationships, your health—the first practice I’m going to suggest you do is a forgiveness practice. You do this not for the sake of the other person—but for your own sake—to remove your internal blocks to happiness.

By the way, every single person reading this has someone in their life they need to forgive. So yes, I’m talking to you!

8 False Belief: If I worry enough, I can stop bad things from happening.

Do you think you need to figure out everything? Are you afraid that if you don’t worry about things, then you’re not actively doing something to keep bad things from happening?

When we rely exclusively on our minds to feel better, we’re doomed to be disappointed and anxious. It’s impossible for you to think through every possible scenario, because you’re simply not operating in a vacuum. Happy people know that they are not in control of everything, and because of this, they can relax more into the moment and follow the divine guidance that presents itself to them in the form of inspiration, gut feelings, and hunches.

9 False Belief: Setbacks mean I’m a failure.

Is there something in your life that you just can’t get past—something you want to wish away? Maybe you want nothing more than to turn back the clock and change something you did or said.

But what if you knew that everything—even the most difficult circumstance—is happening for your greater good? Well, it’s true!

Whether it’s a divorce, a diagnosis, or a downturn in the economy, happy people know that what seems like a terrible disappointment can ultimately create positive outcomes. This allows them to not only enjoy the payoff when it finally arrives, but to live each day with the happy knowledge that the universe is on our side. And because of this mindset, they naturally attract positivity.

Learn the Practical, Proven, Predictable Habits of the Happiest People on Earth

One out of 4 women in America are on antidepressants. It’s staggering. And it doesn’t have to be this way.

We know how to shift this. The reality is that science has cracked the happiness code. We know what it takes to be happier. There are certain principles for happiness. If you practice them, you will be happy. As far as I’m concerned, this is headline news!

If I told you that in 30 days, you could be dramatically happier, would you want to hear more?

And if I did all the homework for you, and catalogued the most effective, efficient habits that lead to happiness, would you give them a whirl?

What if I made them extra easy and fun, so that you could fit the habits into your day and do them when you’re waiting for a green light, or cooking breakfast, or playing with your children?

Well, your wish has come true!

In my program 30 Days to a Happier Life, I’ll teach you the specific mindset, attitudes, and habits of the happiest people in the world—packaged into a simple, step-by-step, day-by-day program that gets you results.

Throughout my decades of research, I’ve found that many programs or methods are limited—they teach only one or two ways to be happier.

But in my program, you’ll see why the holistic approach is best—creating happiness in mind, body, heart, and spirit. You’ll learn:

• How to rewire your thinking with gratitude practices so you’re always looking for what’s good about a situation—or a person—instead of what’s missing.
• A simple forgiveness practice you can do anywhere—and quickly—you can use whenever you feel anger toward others or yourself. This will create miracles in every area of your life—including business—by freeing up the energy for creativity and greater success.
• How to gradually build your “happiness muscles,” including becoming present so that divine guidance can bring you everything your heart desires.
• How to stop worrying by giving your mind useful jobs for how you want your day and your life to go.
• A proven path to enjoying more serenity, clarity, and joy—no matter what’s happening in your life or how much “noise” you have in your head.

Everything I teach you has been tried and tested in my own life. I’ve seen the power of happiness habits in my relationship, my career, and my health—and I can’t wait to share this treasure trove with you.

With love and happiness,