Are you and your partner just so busy with life that you’ve forgotten how to be a couple?
Your days start early and end late, and you barely have time for each other.
Maybe you have kids to get ready for school, work pressures, household chores that never get done, and on top of that, you may be dealing with taking care of your aging parents or your own health problems.
And that’s not all…your kids need to be shuttled to sports practice and school functions. You have emails to catch up with in the evening after everyone is in bed. Maybe there are piles of laundry and unopened mail everywhere. You and your partner are often barely keeping things together just to keep things from falling into chaos.
Or, one or both of you travel for work or are very career-focused. Maybe you get absorbed in your hobbies in your free time while your partner spends their weekend socializing with friends.
All of this has had an effect on your marriage.
You aren’t having those heart-to-heart conversations like you used to. You aren’t going out on romantic dates together anymore. You aren’t having much sex. In fact, you may even be sleeping in separate bedrooms.
Your interactions consist of logistics: what time you’ll be home, who will pick up groceries, and which one of you will call the repairman to come fix whatever has broken at home.
You’re not happy about all this. You’re lonely and you miss your partner. But you’re not sure what to do.
You long for the days when you were deeply in love and intimately connected.
It’s hard for you to tell if your partner even likes you anymore.
They don’t look at you lovingly, they barely touch you and they’d rather play 18 holes of golf than spend a day with you.
If you believe you still care for each other, but are simply living separate lives due to work, hobbies, or family obligations, you are living in what I call a “parallel marriage.”
Your lives are not intersecting. They’re parallel because you’re both off doing your own thing most of the time.
That’s because couples who have moved away from each other in this way often don’t realize until it’s too late that they have grown so far apart that they no longer have the motivation to keep the marriage together.
They can’t even say “I love you” anymore.
Maybe they begin to imagine life without their partner. Or they get tempted by a new love interest. Or they just decide that life would be simpler on their own.
But if you’re reading this, and you still care about your partner, chances are, you’re not there…YET.
Which is good news, because you still have time to make the changes that will get your relationship back on track.
You can get back to a place where you feel like your partner is your best friend, your lover and confidante. You can get past this, and your marriage can be better than ever.
How? It all starts with doing something simple but critical for your relationship, something you maybe haven’t done in a while:
Show up.Learn More
Showing up means that you’re present—emotionally, socially, and physically—for each other.
It means you’re paying attention to what your partner is feeling and how the day-to-day events of their life are affecting them.
It means you hug them when they come home and kiss them when you part. It means holding their hand when you’re walking together and snuggling together on the couch or in bed. It means being sexual together.
It means telling each other what you’re thinking and feeling and being appreciative of each other.
If you’ve been living in a parallel marriage, you haven’t been showing up for each other much.
You’ve been preoccupied with everything you have to do, accomplish, and solve and you’ve put your relationship on the back-burner, hoping it’ll just stay at a simmer while you handle the “more urgent” matters that come up every day.
As a result, the fire of your love has been waning and is in danger of getting extinguished.
Couples who don’t show up for each other over a long period of time will either grow to be critical, resentful, and contemptuous of each other, or they’ll feel so disconnected they’ll no longer want to stay together.
That’s why it’s important to show up NOW, and to do it often and consistently.
This is what research has shown and what I’ve personally confirmed in my clinical practice. Happy couples show up for each other.
Not sure how to do it or where to start?
I have a suggestion that I’m confident will get the ball rolling for you.
When you hear happy couples talking about their relationship, you hear them talking about doing things together.
If you’re never doing things together, it’s going to be very difficult for you to reconnect and get into a more loving, appreciative state about your partner.
That’s why one way to show up is figuring out what activities bring you back to a loving state and committing time to doing them together.
What did you used to do together when your love was new that brought you closer? What activities brought you a sense of appreciation for your partner in the past? What activities do you enjoy now?
For some couples, that may be setting aside a quiet evening at home to eat dinner at the table, watch a movie on the couch, or just talk.
For some couples, it may be something more adventurous, like going away for the weekend to explore a new city or doing a long backpack in the wilderness.
And for others, it may mean getting a sitter so you can spend a few hours alone, talking about everything BUT the kids or work.
Think about what you can do together to add a positive experience to your relationship and do it. Do it when you feel like you’re growing apart. Do it even when you’re feeling okay about things. Just make sure to do it regularly.
It’s that simple!
You will find that participating in this positive activity together is just what you need to feel a little closer, a little more appreciative, and a little more loving toward each other.
Over time, you can show up in other ways too, and take things even deeper to make your relationship come alive with passion and love.
If you’d like a little more guidance on that, no problem. I have developed a program that can help.
Marriage doesn’t come with an instruction book.
Which is unfortunate, because having a happy marriage requires certain skills.
It requires knowing what to do to stay connected, regardless of how busy or overwhelmed you are. Having a good marriage means knowing how to stay connected even if you’re juggling 20 different things or working on any number of problems in your life.
A happy marriage doesn’t mean you’re not living your life or that you don’t have problems.
On the contrary, happy couples have just as many problems as unhappy couples. Research shows this.
Happy couples are happy because they know how to stay connected, despite having careers, kids, hobbies, or busy social calendars.
My program, Wake Up In A New Marriage, is all about the 5 critical keys to staying connected and improving any love relationship, no matter what challenges you’re facing now.
One of those keys is showing up.
You’ll learn tips and skills for how to show up physically, emotionally, and socially using positive, measurable, and specific actions that I reveal in the video.
My program will also show you what to do to tune in to your partner, understand each other better, be more congruent with your values and behavior, and communicate easier—which are the other keys to maintaining a more loving, close-knit relationship.
You’ll hear stories from real couples, who have had their share of challenges in the course of their marriage, on what they did to stay connected even when life threw them curveballs. These stories will inspire you and guide you into what actions you and your partner may wish to take in order to fall deeply in love again.
You can start watching in a matter of minutes:Start Now
There’s no reason that a busy life has to ruin your marriage by pulling you apart, emotionally.
Life is so much sweeter when you have a loving, supportive partner who is there for you through the ups and downs.
Stay committed to staying in love, and you’ll be rewarded with a marriage that will stand the test of time and bring joy to your heart, every day.
May you have an extraordinary day,
P.S. What if your partner is completely uninterested in doing anything to improve your relationship?
You can still make a big difference in the way you relate to and feel about each other, even if you’re the only one making changes. In my Wake Up In A New Marriage program, you’ll get simple tips, strategies, and exercises you can do that will shift how both of you feel about each other.Get These Tips