Have you been burned by men in your past and have a difficult time trusting?
Have you gotten to the point where you feel there’s no use getting “out there” and dating, because you just can’t stomach yet another let down?
Maybe your ex cheated on you. Your self-esteem took a serious hit, and you just don’t think men can be faithful.
Maybe you had some great dates with a guy who seemed completely into you, but then he disappeared after you slept with him.
Maybe you flirted with a cute guy all night only to find out he was married.
These experiences sucked the hope right out of you and left you wondering: why do I even bother?
It’s a reasonable question.
You’ve been burned by too many men before.
You’re not planning on doing it again.
You’ve come to the reasonable conclusion that, in your experience, men cause pain.
Yet you still want love. And here you are.
That’s fantastic. But there’s one BIG Problem:
You approach your dates from a place of fear—assuming the worst in men before they’ve had a chance to fully reveal themselves.
After coaching thousands of women into lasting love, let me tell you about one of the biggest mistakes that will keep you from meeting YOUR husband:
The idea that the next guy has ANYTHING to do with the last guy.
When you believe that the guy who asked you out today is going to smash your heart to pieces just like your ex did, you approach dating like you approach war.
You’re paranoid. You’re mistrustful. You look for any little sign that he’s a player, liar, or commitment phobe.
You unintentionally interrogate him—trying to figure out right away what his past looks like, what his intentions are, where he stands on a whole bunch of issues.
Suddenly, he feels like he’s on trial. He came into the night excited. After an hour, he feels scrutinized, dissected, and distrusted. Not fun.
No man wants to feel like he’s making up for the sins of other men. Not to mention…
When a man feels distrusted, he can’t relax. Then again, you can’t, either.
If you’re going into a date thinking a man’s going to hurt you, you’re operating from a fearful place. You’re anxious and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
This kind of vibe is the complete opposite of what a man is attracted to. And it’s NOT a reflection of how you normally conduct yourself.
Think about it: what are you like when you’re just enjoying the moment and not worried about something bad happening?
I’m talking about those times when you’re hanging with a good friend, doing something you love, or spending time with family who cares about you.
You’re likely easygoing, having fun, and carefree.
THIS is the version of you that a man will fall head over heels for.
But wait, you say…
Again, you’re taking a very small sample (i.e. the men you’ve chosen based on chemistry) and extrapolating that ALL men are bound to hurt you as well.
But it’s just not true.
My wife had two boyfriends and a husband cheat on her before she met me.
Does that mean that I’m going to cheat on her? No.
Does that mean that she should go through my social media, text messages, and browser history to unearth information that suggests I may not marry her? No.
Does that mean she should try to ask unsubtle leading questions while we’re dating about whether I’m a flirt (I am), whether I’ve watched porn (I do), whether I’ve slept around (I have), whether I’ve ever cheated (I haven’t), whether I’m financially responsible (I am), and whether I plan on marrying her (I had no idea at the time)?
Each new man is an independent roll of the dice.
Had my wife operated under the notion that I would be like every other guy she dated who hurt her, we wouldn’t be married for over a decade with two beautiful kids.
I get it. Men leave all the time.
They don’t call after a good first date. They give you the slow fade after sex. They ghost after seeing you for a month. They break up after wasting three years of your life.
After all your struggles, it’s pretty hard to have faith that the next guy will finally stick around. You may have even concluded that “men” are the enemy. But we’re not.
Not only are we not all the same, but it only takes ONE good guy to change your experience with men. To make you believe. To be the last first date you’ll ever have.
But it’s never going to happen if you don’t give each new guy the benefit of the doubt.
In fact, you’re just going to get more of the same. Your fearful vibe and distrust will create the very thing you’re afraid of: another heartbreak.
Chapter nine in my eBook, Date Without Heartbreak: 10 Incredibly Common Mistakes That Keep Great Women Single, is all about how to start trusting men again—even if you’ve been seriously burned in the past.
You’ll realize how your fear of getting hurt is coming across as needy and unattractive, and how this keeps you from connecting to quality men who are relationship-ready.
I’ll teach you how to drop your story about men so you can show up on your dates as the real you—the warm, confident woman who believes she deserves a great relationship—and finally gets one.
You’ll also get my wife’s three power principles to date by—the same ones she used with me after her previous painful relationships. Follow these three rules and the guy you’re dating will gratefully tell you he’s never felt so trusted and accepted in his life:Restore Your Faith In Men
When you assume the best in men, you not only behave differently but you bring out a better side in men as well.
Warmest wishes and much love,
P.S. Assuming the next man is going to hurt you is only one of ten costly mistakes great women like you make in dating.
To read all the mistakes and learn how to stop them from undermining your pursuit of a great relationship, go here now:What You Need To Stop Doing To Find Your Husband