Are you madly in love right now?
Yes? Isn’t it grand and exciting? The poetry, the beauty, the romance, the breathless moments when he leans in for another kiss.
But at the same time, you may often find yourself in a state of emotional turmoil because, well—we just agreed—you’re MADLY in love. (It’s not called SERENELY in love, after all! ;)) And all of us get extra scared and emotional when we are in that amazing state…but especially so if you’ve had some doubt about whether this amazing love will last.
That’s because if you’re soulfully sensitive, you take things harder than most.
Like when he doesn’t call you when he says he will, you can’t help but feel deeply disappointed and more than a little peeved.
When he proclaims his love one day, but acts as if he’s changed his mind a week later, you’re in AGONY.
Now, no woman is unphased by these kinds of dynamics with a man she thinks could be HER GUY. But all these major ups and downs are sheer torture for you. You can’t stop worrying if he is really the one and you should relax…or if it’s just a matter of time before it all blows up and leaves you a wreck for the next several months. Or years…
(This is why soulfully sensitive women often GO years between relationships…the pain of relationship drama or loss can be so overwhelming and devastating to you that you need a lonnnnnnng time before you venture out into the Jungle of Love again…)
It’s so hard for you to be impartial about this!
Especially when he looks deeply into your eyes with that sexy expression that sends jolts up and down your body. Mmmmm.
(Wait. What were you worried about, again?)
Ah, but fortunately there’s an obvious and easy way for you to tell if you’re in the right relationship.
All you have to do is watch what happens when you have a conflict.
Conflict? Are you kidding? Yuck. You find conflict to be agonizing torture, too. Especially with someone you really love.
If you’re a soulfully sensitive woman, it’s no wonder.
Conflict is downright PAINFUL. You feel things so much. You take things to heart. When you feel conflict, you feel disconnection, and you become terrified that the disconnection you feel could be permanent. So you become über touchy about every little thing he says, or fails to say.
Not surprisingly, you assume that HE must feel the same way about conflict. (And men can be “soulfully sensitive,” too, so he might!)
This is why you wouldn’t dare bring up that incident from yesterday where he said something a bit crass at dinner, or get in his face about something thoughtless he did, or how presumptuous he was when he didn’t ask you what YOU wanted.
Why wasn’t he more thoughtful? Does he maybe not care as much as you thought? Ugh…you hate reading into every little thing.
Point being that you’re super careful not to hurt HIS feelings or ruin his day with something that’s probably not that big of a deal anyway. At least, you’re trying not to make it a big deal.
You would rather forget about it and move on.
Oh, but you can’t forget. It’s not in your nature. Especially if these are clues that could be warning you about danger ahead…and especially if you’ve been with guys before and failed to notice or admit their “red flags” as well. You don’t want to do that again!
Yes, you want peace and harmony, and you don’t want to push him needlessly away, but you don’t want to get hurt again…so you’re obsessing a bit, and overthinking things until you’re exhausted. But unspoken truths have this pesky way of getting in the way of that peace and harmony…
So you’re in conflict and that’s actually good news because it creates a great opportunity for reflecting on your relationship and discovering if he’s really the man for you.
In other words, conflict creates a litmus test—helping you see who he REALLY is, and the potential for a real relationship with him.
That’s why conflict doesn’t need to be a bad thing. It can be a GOOD thing, because it can give you the clarity you need about your relationship.
Let’s say that things are going swimmingly with your man. But inevitably there’s a glitch, a moment of tension, a disagreement, disappointment, or even an argument.
Perfect! Now is your chance to see if your relationship has longevity potential and if HE has longevity potential. There are two ways to do this…
You start by asking yourself:
This can go one of two ways…
You may have things you want to say but you don’t feel safe to express them because in the past when you did, he (or another man who broke your heart) got defensive, put the blame back on you, or shut you out emotionally.
You didn’t like how that felt, so now you clam up when things get tense or awkward and that’s a bad sign.
As a soulfully sensitive woman you NEED to feel safe to express yourself. You need to know that a man will listen, think about it, take responsibility for his part, and remain open to making changes if needed.
Otherwise if you don’t feel safe you’ll just make yourself smaller to accommodate the relationship and that isn’t a sustainable way of being for anyone.
It’s deadening and soul-sucking! You may stay in the relationship, but you won’t thrive in it. You’ll stop being yourself, you’ll start feeling resentful, you’ll feel exhausted by having to pretend to be “fine” when you’re not…
That’s one way it can go.
Another way is that you DO feel safe—you speak up for yourself and tell him the truth about what’s bothering you. You have a good, long talk. It may not be easy. Maybe there are tears and intense emotions.
You feel good that you’re able to be yourself and trust that he’ll listen.
What happens next?
(Hint: this is another litmus test for your relationship.)
If he calls the next day to make sure you’re okay or acknowledges the discussion in a calm and thoughtful way this is a good sign.
Your relationship has survived the conflict and has perhaps grown stronger and more intimate as a result. You feel heard, he feels he can make you happy after all, and everyone wins. Congrats!
If, on the other hand, he avoids you or turns cold or withdraws, it’s a bad sign. Why?
Because you can’t be happy in the long run with a man who can’t handle your feelings, especially if you’re soulfully sensitive. (Because we sensitive girls have LOTS of feelings!)
You’ll just end up walking on eggshells and withdrawing into yourself, which isn’t relaxing, isn’t joyful, and isn’t authentic.
Pretty soon you’ll stop sharing what you truly think and feel, and intimacy will die…your relationship will be superficial and safe, but not deep and connected.
So it can’t lead to a happy, long-term relationship that a sensitive woman like you wants and needs.
But what if you have a hard time speaking your truth, but you really, really want the relationship to be fulfilling and last?
The good news is, there’s a way that a soulfully sensitive woman like you can talk about her feelings in a way that a guy can really hear and understand—and therefore is more likely to give you BOTH what you want.
One of the biggest mistakes that soulfully sensitive women can make is to compromise what they’re feeling in order to avoid conflict with a man and essentially “make nice.”
Here’s the thing—your feelings are one of the BEST PARTS of you. They’re what make being in love with you so rewarding. Because you feel things more intensely than most women doesn’t just mean you feel negative emotions more—you’re capable of more joy, more passion, and more love.
You’re also more empathetic and understanding so you have so much to offer a partner, and are more alive and exciting to be with!
That’s why my video program, Love and The Soulfully Sensitive Woman, will show you how to work with your beautiful, special, passionate nature in order to make the most of your relationship (and help you to know if it’s the RIGHT relationship in the first place) AND feel truly safe.
For example, in part 5 of my program you’ll learn how to communicate in your unique way—using your heart and words—so a man doesn’t get overwhelmed and feel like shutting down. This way there’s less of a chance he’ll withdraw when you express yourself and will instead want to know more and be open to learning more about you and how to make you happy.
You’ll discover which of the three communication styles you mostly express yourself with—that of a Banshee, a Bambi, or a Buddha, and how to shift to the healthiest of them from now on…
You’ll learn how to use body language to help you get your point across more effectively (only 7% of communication is words)…
You’ll get tips on how to use touch strategically to enhance connection and understanding, and why sometimes saying no more than a word or two can get your point across more effectively than a lot of talking (you’ll be surprised to learn which words I’m talking about! No, NOT what you’re thinking! ;))
So much of speaking your truth and handling drama with men comes down to confidence, so in part 6 you’ll learn how to hack your confidence and get that “swagger” that tells a man that you’re not needy or weak, but actually a gloriously strong “high value” woman, sure of yourself even when the going gets tough…(this makes you SO much more attractive to him than when you don’t feel confident, and allows you to enjoy the process of this so much more).
You can start watching Love and The Soulfully Sensitive Woman and learn all these tips and strategies risk-free here:Get Confidence
Falling in love is one of the greatest joys in life. But even when things are going great there can be doubt about whether or not this is the right relationship or whether it’ll last. When this doubt creeps in it can create so much anxiety for you that it spoils your enjoyment of the natural stages of a relationship and the good feelings between you in the face of “normal” and inevitable ups and downs.
It doesn’t need to be like that! Once you know what to look for and what you absolutely, positively need in order to be happy, your love life—heck, ALL of your relationships—will be a source of happiness for you, rather than a source of worry.
It just takes knowing what works and what doesn’t for your soulfully sensitive nature.
Don’t let your more intense negative emotions write the story of your love life…recognize how to support yourself to be your best and communicate in the most effective way that honors who you are at your core, and your relationships will blossom as a result.
I can’t wait to share all of this simple yet life- (and love-!) changing info with you.
P.S. There are many ways—both good and not so good—that being soulfully sensitive can affect your love life and how men perceive you. In my program, Love and The Soulfully Sensitive Woman, you’ll learn which attributes can be particularly challenging and cause you to unwittingly push men away, and which ones are the EASIEST for you to change or use to your advantage in love. Discover all about this in part 1 of my program here:Start Watching