Are you dating a guy whom you suspect might cheat on you?
You’re a smart woman, and maybe you can tell when something seems a little “off” with your guy.
Maybe he’s on his phone too much in your opinion, constantly checking the text messages that come in or compulsively checking his social media.
Is he talking with other women?
And what about the fact that he still keeps in touch with his ex?
Or has several female friends, who also happen to be single, and maybe a little bit too adoring of him, from what you’ve observed?
You don’t want to get too involved with a man who’s just going to break your heart before he leaves.
That’s happened before, and you’re not going to let that happen again.
That’s why you’re extra vigilant.
You’re not going to get played the fool by a man who’s just in it for the wrong reasons, or just biding his time until he finds another woman whom he finds more attractive.
I get it.
You like this guy and you’re not sure what to think. Is he the cheating type? Is there a way to tell?
From where I stand, that’s the wrong question to be asking. The more enlightened question is:
The bottom line is, if you don’t trust your boyfriend, you should NOT be in a relationship with him.
It doesn’t matter if you and he have amazing chemistry and you’ve never met anyone who was more your “type.”
It doesn’t matter that he’s ambitious and intelligent and you love to laugh with him.
It doesn’t matter if he says he loves you or if you are in love with him.
None of that matters if you fundamentally don’t trust him.
Because if you don’t trust him, your relationship will be miserable.
It’ll be miserable for you:
You’ll always be on pins and needles, wondering about his whereabouts.
You’ll check his phone when he’s not looking to see what he’s texting.
You’ll grow quiet and uptight when he talks to attractive women at parties.
You’ll try to seem casual as you ask him what he did last night, but the edge in your voice will give you away.
And it’ll be miserable for him:
He’ll get questioned when he’s a half hour late, takes a weekend trip without you, or doesn’t return your call right away.
He’ll have to watch you sulk or seethe after he talks to other women.
His integrity will be questioned, regardless if he’s done anything wrong.
How do I know it’ll be miserable?
Because I’ve been that guy.
And I can tell you that it’s an awful feeling to have what could otherwise be an enjoyable partnership be dissected to death because of my girlfriend’s insecurity.
I didn’t like feeling scrutinized when I was doing nothing wrong, and I can guarantee that neither will he.
Which brings me to this point: You better make sure that the reason you’re scrutinizing your boyfriend is because he’s ACTUALLY doing something wrong.
He really is getting phone numbers at parties.
He really is sending salacious text messages to another woman.
Or hanging out with a woman who wants to sleep with him, and lying to you about it.
There are valid reasons to mistrust (and dump) a guy.
But it’s NOT because your previous boyfriend left you for another woman.
It’s NOT because your previous boyfriend cheated on you.
It’s NOT because your previous boyfriend lied to you.
It’s NOT because your previous boyfriend promised you love, then changed his mind or disappeared.
If you’re always on his case even if he has absolutely no nefarious intentions beyond staying in touch with an ex—he’s going to feel rightfully insulted by your constant questioning.
He will get the sense that he can’t tell you the truth because you won’t accept the truth.
He’ll lie about seeing his ex for a platonic lunch because it’ll be a lot simpler than explaining to you that it really WAS platonic, but getting chewed out anyway.
Essentially, he’ll lie because you didn’t trust him in the first place.
And when that happens you have sadly created what you most feared.How to Avoid This Mistake
If you’re worried that he’s going to cheat on you and lie to you because that’s what one of your ex-boyfriends did, then you are creating the very conditions that you fear most: a man whose word you can’t take at face value.
He will find it easier to lie than to tell the truth because he won’t want to face your wrath and judgment, despite not doing anything wrong.
In short, if you are paralyzed by the uncertain outcomes in love, the men you date will not feel trusted around you.
They will not feel accepted around you.
They won’t be able to be themselves around you.
They won’t have as much fun around you.
And they’ll lose attraction to you.
You can’t control the man you date, and because you can’t control him, there’s no value in constantly worrying about what he might do next.
Assuming that the man you’re with will be just like the last guy who broke your heart is a false assumption.
My wife had two ex-boyfriends and a husband that cheated on her. Does that mean I’m going to cheat on her? No.
It’s a mistake to date like you’re going to get hurt, especially when the guy you’re dating hasn’t done anything wrong or given you any real indication that he’s playing you like a fiddle.
So he spends more time on his phone than you’d like. So he’s a charming guy and women are drawn to him. So he’s got a few female friends. So what?
Judge a man by his merits and pay attention to his actions.
Does he accept you and treat you with respect?
Does he spend a good amount of time with you?
Does he make you feel loved and valued?
If the answers are “yes” to the last three questions, then you probably have no reason to worry.
If the answer is “no,” then you probably need to find yourself a new boyfriend.
If your life has been dominated by failed relationships, it’s possible that your negative thoughts, worries, and anxieties are sabotaging your love life in more ways than one.
It’s not just that you’re scrutinizing the men you date, or looking for the other shoe to drop, it’s that you’re making other common mistakes that are causing men to lose interest or disappear.
I’ve been coaching single women for the past 15+ years and I’ve seen how women undermine what could have been a perfectly good relationship with a great guy because of certain false beliefs about men.
One of those false beliefs is that no man can ever be fully trusted.
Another false belief is that the next guy has anything to do with the last guy who hurt you.
That’s why it’s important that you get the truth about men and stop making the kind of unnecessary missteps that are keeping you from true love.
You can get that truth in my eBook and audio program, Date Without Heartbreak.
In Chapter 9, I’ll reveal the 3 things my wife did in order to be able to relax and trust me despite her past bad experiences with men who cheated on her.
You’ll also learn how the “story” about your past is keeping you stuck in patterns of dating men who are emotionally unavailable, flakey, or poor communicators. I’ll show you how to get out of that story and create a new normal for your love life: men who are faithful, loving, and honest.
In Chapter 1 you’ll learn how to gauge EARLY ON whether or not a man can make you happy, or if you’re letting your feelings get in the way of smart choices when it comes to love.
You’ll also learn:
and much more.
You can start reading or listening to my program in minutes here:Start Reading or Listening
I know it’s not easy to let go of the painful experiences of your past and trust as if you’ve never been hurt before.
Love is a risky game. Sometimes, you’re going to do your best to protect yourself and still get hurt.
But it only takes one great guy who’s going to love you for who you are and be completely devoted to you to make the risk so worthwhile.
P.S. Does it seem to you like men have all the power in relationships? They’re the ones who ask you out, make the first move, ask you for a commitment?
Actually, the truth is that YOU have more power than you think. In Chapter 2 of Date Without Heartbreak, you’ll learn how to use the power of “yes” and “no” to get MORE of what you want from love:Learn More