Are you sweating the small stuff in dating?
Here’s what I mean:
You get alarmed if a guy doesn’t immediately take down his profile after meeting you.
You think he must be an uncontrollable flirt if he smiles at the waitress.
You conclude he’s not interested if he goes a few hours without texting.
In short, you’re willing to write off a guy or suspect his intentions at the first “mistake.”
And yet, I’m willing to bet that you did things like…
Bottom line: you’ve accepted the worst qualities in the past, yet you’re willing to give up on men early for merely annoying ones.
You finally meet a guy you’re attracted to, and he asks for your number. Then he actually calls and asks you out.
He doesn’t ask the dreaded, “Where do you want to go?”
Instead, he picks a great restaurant near where you live. You can’t believe it. This guy is actually thoughtful.
As the anticipated dinner draws near, you put on your best outfit and feel your heart racing.
When you meet, he seems to do everything right: takes off your coat, pulls out your chair, and seems genuinely interested in getting to know you.
By the time you’ve finished dessert, you’re already mentally planning how you’re going to go home and text all your friends to tell them you’ve met SOMEONE.
Then the check comes—and he doesn’t pick it up right away.
You start squirming in your seat.
What is he waiting for? Is he expecting that I offer? Clearly, he doesn’t know how to treat a woman.
It’s possible that this guy doesn’t know how to be a gentleman.
But it’s also entirely likely that he’s wrapped up in conversation with you and didn’t know he was on a timer when it came to grabbing that check.
If you write him off for this “slip” or have serious doubts about him, then you probably have rigid, predetermined ideas of how a man is supposed to act on a date.
If so, NO man will ever be able to measure up.
Not now, and not when you’re married to him.
You’re not wrong for looking for a man who is chivalrous and generous. But you may be so attuned to seeking his “mistakes” that no normal, flawed man can measure up.
Sorry to sound so tough on you, but if you don’t realize the mistake you’re making NOW, being alone for decades in the future is a much harder pill to swallow.
How many times have you beaten yourself up for something you said or didn’t say on a date?
How often do you analyze what you could have said or done to push a guy away?
Now ask yourself this:
Do you really want a guy who is going to exit the moment YOU have a normal slip? I say normal, because this is what both men and women do, all the time.
And after over a decade of marriage, I can tell you that your ability to overlook and forgive a man’s faults will in itself speed you on the way to lasting love.
You want your husband to accept you completely and not bolt at the first, second, or third human “error” you make.
Your future husband (i.e. potentially the date in front of you) is looking for the same thing.
In fact, if you can make a man feel completely accepted, you’ve done something no other woman has ever done before—and are likely to secure his lifelong commitment.
I made a bunch of “mistakes” when I was dating.
I hooked up without having intentions of being in a relationship.
I talked way too much about myself and my opinions.
I treated online dating like a personal playground even when I was looking for love.
The women I dated could have easily concluded I was a loser who would only end up hurting them.
But ask my wife of over ten years. She knew better. She gave me a break, accepted me as I was, and always gave me the benefit of the doubt.
She has my heart forever.
A man who cares about you won’t want to say or do something to hurt your feelings on purpose. Give him a pass.
I’m not saying you should be a doormat, but not everything has to be an argument.
Your best course of operation is to simply observe a guy, and to know what the true red flags are when you see them.
In Chapter 8 of my eBook and audio program, Date Without Heartbreak: 10 Incredibly Common Mistakes That Keep Great Women Single, I’ll teach you how to be more discerning about men without dismissing the truly good guys.
You’ll learn a simple question for figuring out whether a guy’s behavior on a date was a momentary slip or whether it indicates something more troublesome about him.
You’ll also learn what it really means to play it cool—straight from my wife. She’ll tell you how she handled those “annoying” things I might have said to her while we were dating—including when she knew it was time to have a discussion with me about something that bothered her.
I’ll also tell you about the one “golden rule” that will carry you all the way from dating through to commitment and beyond:Stop Making These Mistakes
Hard as it may be to hear, sometimes you may have thought a guy was a jerk for not following up with you when in fact you made one of the mistakes in this book.
This is hugely important for you to remember if you want to be in a great relationship. If a man doesn’t feel accepted and liked around you, he’s not going to stick around.
Besides showing you how you may be inadvertently pushing away the very love you want, this book is a how-to guide for making a relationship feel GOOD. And I’m not talking about in the bedroom. That’s really a bonus. No amount of sexual chemistry can make up for a relationship that feels good to BOTH people.
While I naturally want men to treat YOU well and make YOU feel good, men are not the ones reading this book. That’s why it’s essential you understand that you:
a) Leave him when he’s proven to be incapable of meeting your needs.
b) Figure out what you can do with a GOOD man to make sure your relationship is strong.
When the ring is on your finger, you’ll be glad you overlooked what you thought was a dealbreaker early on—but only if you learn what really matters.
Warmest wishes and much love,
P.S. If you’re still holding out for the fairy-tale prince who will do everything right, consider this:
A very charming guy who checks all the boxes may actually be a player who follows a script. He knows exactly what to do to get you—but he doesn’t have what it takes to keep you and create a healthy relationship.
In other words, a smooth dater isn’t necessarily a great catch, and an awkward dater can be an amazing husband.How To Avoid Narcissists, Liars, And Players