Have you ever met a man you thought was the bee’s knees when you first met, but turned out to be a real jerk?
You thought you found your soul mate, but after a few months (or years, ugh), he turned out to be your worst nightmare.
Maybe he led you on, telling you he saw a future with you, but he was actually saying the same thing to three other women.
Maybe he just suddenly stopped texting or responding to you without explanation—after you slept with him. (I have a name for men like this, but this is a “family-friendly” newsletter, so I’ll keep it to myself. Here’s a hint: it rhymes with “Shmastard.”)
Or he had a drinking problem, or control issues, or was verbally abusive (yikes!).
The thing that made situations like these especially crushing for you was that you were CONVINCED that he was going to be someone SPECIAL in your life.
I mean, you could feel it in your BONES, ya know?
You felt a connection with him that was…otherworldly. He “got” you and you “got” him. The conversation flowed. You had sooooo much in common.
You felt at home with him. You’d daydream about all the adventures to come—road trips, picking out furniture together, meeting each other’s besties…
You were so excited.
You didn’t see it coming when he told you “it’s over.” The letdown was sheer AGONY.
If this sounds like you, there’s a good chance you might be what I call soulfully sensitive—meaning you have an uncanny ability to connect deeply and quickly, and experience life more profoundly.
As a soulfully sensitive woman, a first date can feel like the fifteenth because of your openness and ability to feel into people.
Emotional intimacy can happen FAST for you.
But that’s not always a good thing…
Like most soulfully sensitive women, you wish you could just SKIP dating and get straight to MATING.
All that waiting around for him to text or call. All that repeating of the same personal bio stuff to every new guy you meet. All that getting your hopes up…only to have them crushed.
Can you say BORING?
What makes you feel alive is that WOW feeling you get with a guy…and that doesn’t happen every day, so when it does it MUST mean you’re supposed to be together, right?
When you have that, you’re happy to become exclusive ASAP and forget all that “getting to know you” stuff.
But that’s dangerous!
You can give your heart away too quickly to someone that you don’t know you can trust yet. (It’s said that real trust takes 9 months to 3 years to develop!)
You can connect to another person’s essence, but that essence can be housed in a broken personality.
But you won’t see it, because you’re too busy feeling all that amazing affinity. But it’s that very feel-good energy that makes you vulnerable to heartbreak.
You’re vulnerable because you’ll assume he can make you happy before you actually know he can…
What you need is a better vetting system for whether or not a guy is up for the task of loving you well that goes beyond the excitement and soul-connection you feel early on with a guy.
A vetting system that can work on the first date…
Or 5 years later, when you’re in a committed relationship that’s troubling you.
Is this a relationship that can blossom and thrive in the long-run? Or should you walk away now?
Here’s a simple way to figure it all out.
You MUST figure out what you want and what you can and cannot accept in a relationship. And you have to do this early on, and stick to it.
Otherwise, you may end up staying too long in a bad situation or getting too hung up on the “idea” of a guy who can never make you happy.
Sometimes, when that amazing energy runs high, we tend to compromise what we won’t accept. “Meh, it’s not so bad,” we think. “He’s so dreamy and the sexual chemistry is soooo amazing, I can put up with (insert negative trait or behavior here).”
Can you? Really?
Here’s how to get clear on that:
First, you need to create a HECK, YEAH! list.
Write down ten things you MUST have in a guy. (None of these can be about his external looks or circumstances. Don’t write down, “He has to be 6 ft tall and drive a Tesla,” for example. Though we ALL like those guys. ;))
These must be things related to his character, personality, and behavior ONLY.
Ok, next, you want to write down ten things you CANNOT accept in a guy. Again, non-superficial things only.
These must be TRULY deal-breakers—not just preferences. (This is valuable to do even if you’re in a relationship—this can help you see if it’s the right one or not!)
Next write down ten things you MUST have in a relationship. Things like:
1. Safety (I know he’ll treat me well and honor my physical and emotional feelings.)
2. Acceptance (I can be myself.)
3. Freedom (I can make choices, spend my time as I wish, see the friends I want, visit my family, etc.)
Lastly, write down the ten things you CANNOT allow in a relationship—your “No way!” list.
Then imagine you’ve met a man who is your IDEAL mate. He’s physically your type. He loves all your favorite things. He adores you. He loves to cook. He’s a great communicator.
Would you really give up Mr. Awesome because of this one “No Way” trait?
If you wouldn’t give up Mr. Awesome, then the “No Way” trait is actually just a preference, not a dealbreaker.
You can compromise on preferences. In fact, you must. (Finding a guy who is exactly what you want and has nothing you have to compromise for is a fairy tale…sorry!)
If you would give up Mr. Awesome, then the “No Way” trait is a true deal-breaker. And you should never compromise on deal-breakers. No matter how many sparks come off his lips when he kisses you, or how much time flies when you’re together!
As you go through this written exercise, you’ll come away with a list of solid deal-breakers that you can use to vet a man, whether it’s someone you just started dating or someone you’re committed to but not sure about.
Using this system, you can protect your heart from a man who can never make you happy and save yourself possible years of heartache and wasted time…and get on the path to the RIGHT love.
One of the big reasons why dating and relationships are so hard on soulfully sensitive women is because (you guessed it) you tend to feel connections intensely or you get excited prematurely, before you really get a chance to know a guy.
This leads to break ups that don’t just feel disappointing, they’re heart-wrenching.
It leads to you feeling not just that there were misunderstandings, but that there were betrayals of trust.
You feel things deeply and you love completely. And when things go awry, it makes you want to give up on love altogether.
That’s why I produced my Love and Soulfully Sensitive Woman video program.
I wanted to teach women like you how to take care of themselves better when it comes to love, so you can stay true to your sensitive nature, embrace it, and connect with a man who will ADORE you for it.
One way to do this is to learn my strategies for vetting men better, whether it’s someone you’re meeting for coffee on a first date or a boyfriend or husband with whom you’re experiencing relationship challenges.
In Part 2 of the video program, you’ll learn why you shouldn’t proceed in any relationship unless this ONE QUALITY is there.
In Part 3, you’ll get a strategy for dealing with men who reject you, ignore you, or ghost you that won’t leave you crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. You’ll hear this and feel better, instantly.
You’ll also get steps for making the most of your sensitive nature, including an analogy I like to make about climbing Mt. Everest that will allow you to live your best life, and enjoy the process of your things so much more, instead of feeling drained or disappointed so much of the time.
Then, in Part 4, you’ll learn how to tell if a man is unavailable, so you don’t make the mistake of bonding with someone who can’t fully reciprocate your feelings or give you what you need.
And there’s so much more to support you in this 6+ hour video program plus accompanying workbook.Empower Yourself in Love
Please don’t ever feel like your ability to connect is “too much.” We need your love, openness, compassion, and ability to connect deeply and intimately.
So, if you’re in a tower, come out of hiding. The world needs you.
P.S. Are you losing faith in your dreams of love? Then you MUST hear my 6 tools for increasing your confidence and motivation in Part 6 of my video program. These will change your perspective and dissolve the fears that are preventing you from having what you most want. Start watching now.