Let me know if any of this sounds familiar:
You sign up for a dating site but you don’t quite get around to finishing your profile.
You have a date for drinks with a new guy, but something comes up at the last minute and you bail.
A guy is really into you, but you’re just not “feeling it” for him like you think you should.
You’re just too busy to date. You want love to find you “organically.”
You decide to take a step back from dating and work on yourself.
Your last relationship was on and off again, and you stuck with it much longer than you should have.
You may think the circumstances surrounding your love life are unique, and that dating is especially hard for you for any number of reasons. You may feel like you have no control over any of it. But after working with thousands of smart and frustrated women, I know this:
Your main problem is fear.
I’m not calling you a fearful person. In fact, you’re quite confident in many ways.
In your career, you take risks and get up after you’re knocked down. When you set off on an adventure—whether it be a trip or trying a new hobby—you rise to all challenges.
But somehow, you’ve come to believe that dating should be smooth sailing. You take rejection or failure personally. If one guy disappears on you, you’re crushed, and conclude that something’s wrong with you and that this whole dating thing sucks and will never get you anywhere.
And that’s your problem right there. It’s the WAY you’re looking at rejection.
Nothing hurts like the sting of being rejected by a man you like—but only IF you don’t believe rejection in dating is as normal as the sun rising every morning.
If you shifted your perspective and viewed dating just as you do other things in your life, you wouldn’t be a tiny bit surprised when things don’t always go your way.
A guy doesn’t call after he said he would? Oh, that’s to be expected. Happens all the time.
He said he’d never met someone as amazing as you and then disappeared after a few weeks? That’s a bummer, but you know that his words only count after he has stuck around for a while.
But because you think rejection means something deep and ominous about you, you stay stuck. You hide. You do all sorts of things that keep you right where you don’t want to be: alone.
When you allow fear of rejection to drive your love life, you will find all sorts of reasons to avoid dating.
You’ll be too busy. You’ll avoid the guy who likes you and instead pine after the one who leaves.
You’ll stay stuck in miserable relationships with guys who can’t or won’t commit, because hey, it’s better than getting back out there and exposing yourself to even more possible rejection.
But let me ask you:
Are you more afraid that you’ll write an email to a guy on a dating site and that he doesn’t write back? Or are you more afraid that you’ll be alone forever?
Are you more afraid that you’ll sleep with a man who doesn’t turn out to be your husband? Or are you more afraid that you’ll be alone forever?
Are you more afraid of dating a guy for three months before realizing he’s not the one? Or are you more afraid that you’ll be alone forever?
These are common fears, but you have to recognize that, although each may temporarily sting, they have no long-term consequences.
Being alone forever does.
When I was a screenwriter, my mom gave me a book, The Road to Success is Paved with Failure by Joey Green. It’s a tiny bathroom paperback, with nuggets like these:
David Bowie’s first solo album, “The World of David Bowie,” flopped in 1967, so he quit the music scene, nearly became a Buddhist monk, and joined a mime troupe.
Clint Eastwood was fired from Universal by a studio executive who told him he spoke too slowly and his Adam’s apple stuck out too far.
Mahatma Gandhi, having studied law in London, returned to India in 1891 to practice law but met with little success and moved to South Africa.
If any of these people had allowed rejection to bring them down, they would not have achieved success, and we would not be blessed with their gifts.
Why should dating be any different? It’s not.
I went on 300 dates before I met my wife. I’m grateful for all those women who shot me down, because they pointed the way to the one woman who would accept and love all of me for who I am. Without all those rejections, I would not have recognized her as the one for me.
This is one of the big reasons I wrote Date Without Heartbreak: 10 Incredibly Common Mistakes That Keep Great Women Single.
If you only had a few hours with me to learn my best advice for finally finding the lasting love that has eluded you for so long, I’d tell you everything in this book.
And I’d do it the best way I know how: by opening up your eyes to what you’re doing wrong and teaching you what to do instead.
See, if you’re a smart woman, you’re likely pushing love away without realizing it, and you’re doing it in the very specific ways I outline in this book. From how to handle those first few dates so he asks you out again (and deciding if he’s even worth YOUR time) to what to do when he does something that bothers you, it’s all here.
Mistake #4 is all about letting fear of rejection keep you stuck. This is a critical chapter in the book, because allowing fear to drive your dating decisions is a guaranteed way to stay single.
Fear, quite simply, takes control out of your hands. When fear controls you, you’ll be at the mercy of whatever life and dating throw at you.
When you’re in fear, you’re operating from “scarcity thinking”—you’ll treat one undeserving man as if he’s the last man on earth, all because you’re afraid you can’t do better.
The opposite of scarcity thinking is an abundance mindset. When you’re feeling abundant, you would never consider wasting your time on some guy who doesn’t fully appreciate you. You’ll kick him to the curb.
In my book, I’ll teach you a new way to date that will help you release fear by shifting into abundance thinking.
You’ll also learn how to ask yourself one powerful question that will allow your “failures” to propel you into the arms of your husband:Start Reading Or Listening Now
Let’s get you past the fear that’s holding you back from the love you’ve been waiting for. In my eBook, I’ll teach you exactly how to get unstuck from your fear and on the highway to lasting love. Bonus: women who operate from an abundance mindset are incredibly attractive to the kind of man you’re looking for. Only when you ditch the fear can you embody the kind of confidence that draws an amazing man.
Warmest wishes and much love,
P.S. Your man is NEVER the last man on earth. You can say that you’ve never been more in love with a guy, but if your relationship leaves you unhappy, you can definitely find a better partner who cherishes you and treats you the way you deserve.
When you’re hung up on any one guy who doesn’t want you, that’s a dead giveaway that this guy isn’t for you. Once you get over him, you make space for the man who’ll never leave:How To Date Fearlessly