You know that feeling after what you consider a great first date?
You are flush with longing and excitement. You’re hopeful about a second date, but not 100% positive it’s going to happen, and that little bit of mystery is sexy.
You’re not even sure if he really likes you, but you sure hope he does.
You’re giddy because he said all the right things. He told you that you have a great smile. He complimented you on being perceptive or funny or having a way with words. But he wasn’t over the top with the flirting. Just enough to keep you guessing.
Your enthusiasm builds. He’s attractive, he’s witty, and he’s got that sexy combination of confidence and take-it-or-leave it attitude that’s candy to your mind.
The problem is, guys like this? They’re often not into YOU.
Nope. You realize it too late: when you get the obligatory terse hug at the end of the date and then he never calls you again. Or, he texts you a day later and admits you’re not his type.
And then you meet the guy who IS into you. But he’s into you a little bit too much.
On the first date, he can’t stop smiling and telling you how smart, attractive, or incredibly interesting you are and how he can’t stop looking at you. It’s sweet, but a little much and it’s…awkward.
It gets worse from there. He’s texting you five minutes after you say goodnight, gushing about how much he enjoyed meeting you, and wanting to know when can he see you again.
Later, he’s bombarding you with texts, offering to take himself off a dating site, and being way too communicative with every single thought and feeling he has about your “relationship.”
He’s nice and all, a perfectly decent guy, but his eagerness feels disconcerting.
It’s all too much.
You just want to run. Turn your phone off. Change your number. There’s something about his over-communication and wanting so much so soon that makes your skin crawl.
Why is it that the men you want, don’t want you, and the ones who act so into you, you can’t shake off fast enough?
Good question, and it’s high time you got an answer. Because if you’re saying “no” to nice guys just because they’re coming on too strong, too soon, you just might be making one of the biggest mistakes in dating—and letting your future husband get away.
Once in a while, you might meet a man who is kind, polite, soft-spoken, and decent looking. But it doesn’t go anywhere because he creeps you out with his puppy-dog attitude. He’s all over you before you can even figure out if you like him. It’s a turn off.
You know what? I once WAS that guy.
That eager, pushing-for-too-much-too-soon kind of guy.
Not all the time, of course, but once in a while, when I’d meet someone I thought was REALLY special after meeting a lot of not-so-special women.
You see, I had gone on a LOT of dates with a LOT of women when I was single and before I found the woman I would marry. I had been going around and around with dating, and I was starting to wonder if I would EVER find the kind of woman that I wanted to be with forever.
One day, I went on a first date with a woman that made me stop in my tracks.
She was smart, was working on a PhD, was slender but curvy, and had a gorgeous face and dark hair. She was just my type. It’s like the clouds parted and the sun suddenly shined on my heart. I was sure I wanted to marry this woman, even though I just met her!
I’m sure my heart was on my sleeve that night we met. I was probably smiling a little too much, maybe my nervousness was showing. Maybe I was too heavy-handed and loose with the compliments and flirting. Maybe I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
I was probably a bit too much for her. Or my wide-eyed attitude didn’t do much to make her want me.
An hour into the date she told me she wasn’t attracted to me. It was like a gut punch.
The point is, I want you to understand where that overly-eager guy is coming from, especially if you’ve ever gone out with a guy you were so excited about and wanted to be your boyfriend. You probably got a little bit nervous around him…and blew it.
It works both ways, and people behave this way when they’re particularly excited. Not because they’re bad people.
Okay, maybe that “nice” guy isn’t acting like the slightly aloof, brazenly confident guy that turns you on so much because he thinks he’s met the woman of his dreams who will save him from the dating scene and a life of loneliness.
He’s just projecting his hopes and fantasies onto you without even knowing you yet. It happens.
But he’s just being human. Just like you’re human when YOU get excited about a man and start to cyberstalk him or check your phone every ten minutes to see if you possibly missed a call from him.
You know what that feels like too, right?
I’m just saying, have a little compassion and give the GOOD guy the benefit of the doubt, so he can have the chance of becoming the RIGHT guy for you.
That “nice guy” just might be your future husband, and you wouldn’t want to accidentally let him go and miss out on getting to know a guy who could possibly become the love of your life, would you?
You may be wondering… Ok, but how do I know whether he IS the right guy? What if he’s a creepy stalker?
And shouldn’t I feel chemistry with a guy from the get-go?
Isn’t a makes-my-knees-buckle feeling a good indication of whether or not I should say “yes” to a second or third date?
Yes, if you want to stay single for a long, long time.
But if you want to find the man who will be your husband sooner rather than much later, there’s some fundamental truths you must embrace about men, dating and what makes a guy the “right” guy for you…The Truth About Men
Look, I’m not saying you should say “yes” to a guy who has major character flaws or who is SO not your type that the thought of kissing him makes you shudder.
I’m saying that from my decade-long experience as a dating coach who’s helped thousands of single women who have been single TOO long (in their opinion), I’ve come to realize this:
Reasons such as:
He was too nice…
He forgot his wallet on our first date…
He blurted out something that was totally not PC…
He didn’t jump on the check at the end of dinner…
He said he’d call yesterday and didn’t call until today…
This is one of the heartbreaking mistakes that smart women make that keeps them in the dating scene far too long.
They give up on good guys too fast, and stay too long with jerks who treat them poorly.
What if you had said “yes” to a second date with Mr. Too Eager and found out that he was the most charming, down-to-earth, and beautiful soul you had met in a long time, and oh gosh, he thought you were, too?
But because he gave you an “icky” feeling because he wanted so much, so soon, you hadn’t given him a chance, so some other lucky woman ended up marrying him?
That would suck, to say the least.
It’s time to take a different approach, wouldn’t you agree?
My eBook and audio program, Date Without Heartbreak: 10 Incredibly Common Mistakes That Keep Great Women Single, can help you do just that. It gives you the sort of no-holds-barred advice that can stop you from making these kinds of heartbreaking mistakes that allow great men to slip through your fingers.
You’ll learn why using chemistry as a barometer for compatibility can set you up for rejection, disappointment, and months of pining— and what to look for instead.
You’ll also find out what you can DO and what you can SAY to a man who is taking things too fast, or made some faux-pas on the first or second date that makes you wonder if he’s the wrong guy or just clueless. My wife actually has some wise words about this topic in the chapter on Mistake #8, which I KNOW you’ll find incredibly illuminating.
I’ll also reveal the big mistakes I made on first dates that probably scared away many great women, and why I made them, and what those mistakes can help you learn about your own dating preferences.
Here’s what else you’ll learn in my eBook and audio program:
And much more…
You can start reading or listening to Date Without Heartbreak here, risk-free, in a matter of minutes:Start to Date Without Heartbreak
The next time you find yourself on a date with a man who seems a little too into you, a little too eager, pushing for too much, too soon, stop and ask yourself, “Is this a nice guy who’s just nervous and excited, or is this a bad guy who’s out to hurt me?”
Chances are, you’ll concede it’s the former, and maybe, after you follow the specific advice in my program, you’ll be relieved to realize that finding someone you want who wants you isn’t really all that impossible after all.
P.S. When should you sleep with a guy? What if he’s pushing for it and you want to wait?
In Date Without Heartbreak, you’ll discover what being in control really means in terms of vetting a man BEFORE you sleep with him. The analogies I talk about in the chapter about Mistake #2 will help you get crystal clear about what it means to take back the power in your relationships. You’ll also learn what a quality man is looking for in a woman and what he needs to FEEL around you in order to WANT to become physically exclusive with you.Get It Here