Has this ever happened to you?
You meet a guy you really like. You sleep with him on the second or third date. And now he’s acting totally weird.
He hasn’t called in days.
He’s telling you he’s been “busy.”
He hasn’t asked you out again.
He isn’t replying to your texts as quickly as he used to.
You’ve seen him active on Tinder or OKCupid, or whatever dating site you’re using. He’s obviously seeing other women, maybe even sleeping around.
When you do see him or talk to him, he seems distracted, distant, even cold.
He insists that nothing’s wrong, but you know the truth.
Next thing you know, he ghosts you.
And since this all happened right after you slept with him, you’re feeling used. It’s as if all he wanted was to get you into bed and now that he’s gotten what he wanted, he’s gone.
Which leads you to ponder…
Was he a player?
Did you misunderstand his intentions?
Or did you just make a huge mistake?
Maybe it was all three.
You assume that because you had sex, and you can’t stop thinking about him, he’s thinking about you, too.
You assume intimate time together MEANT something.
For you, it means you like him and want to see him again.
For him, it has a different meaning, which is to say—NO meaning.
Sex doesn’t keep any man who doesn’t want to be kept.
In his mind, just because you got naked together doesn’t make him your boyfriend.
If he’s not interested in you for the long-term, he’s not going to stick around just because you did it. That’s just not how men operate.
If he IS into you, then he’ll call and ask you out. That’s what men do when they like you.
And if he acts ambivalent about you, texts you occasionally, but doesn’t plan another date, he wasn’t that into you, which means he isn’t worthy of your attention anyway.
You can see why it’s dangerous to say yes to a man before you really know his real feelings and intentions.
It’s one thing to be casual and sleep around for the fun of it, it’s another thing to do it because you were really feeling it for a guy and were hoping it would lead to something.
The former doesn’t cause heartbreak. The latter does.
If you’ve ever felt heartbroken like this, it’s important to recognize how you fall into this trap.
And then it’s even more important to take action to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
There are several reasons you slept with him before you really knew him. Maybe you were into him, had an itch you needed to scratch, and wanted it as much as he did. And if you enjoyed yourself and felt good about it, more power to you!
But if you AREN’T feeling all that great after he pulled the slow fade, then you have to ask yourself, why did you say yes to him before you knew he was worthy of a relationship?
Here are some of the common reasons you say yes to a guy when you want to say “not yet”:
Simply put, you sleep with him because you’re afraid he won’t ask you out again if you don’t.
You don’t want to seem like a prude. You want him to think you’re playful and open-minded.
Somehow, you conclude that the only way to do that is to have sex with him.
What you didn’t realize is that there are ways to be sexy, playful, and open-minded without compromising your boundaries or desires.
But, in the moment your primal fear of rejection takes over and suddenly, you’re not acting in your own self-interest.
If you say no to him, will he think you’re not attracted to him?
That may be what’s going through your mind when he’s putting the moves on you.
And if you’re feeling a lot of chemistry with him, you want to show him how passionate you feel about him, too. Which is all well and good IF he’s a quality guy who’s looking for a real relationship, like you are.
Pro tip: you don’t need to do anything to “prove” your interest to a man who is already interested in you. You’ve already gotten his attention. You don’t need to text him, call him before he calls you, or plan dates. That’s pursuing a man in a way most men don’t want to be pursued.
If he likes you (instead of just wanting to get laid), you don’t need to sleep with him to make him want to stick around.
Perhaps you have this idea that you’re in competition with a million other women for this ONE GUY—so you better go with the flow. Otherwise, he’ll think you’re too high-maintenance and find another woman who will happily sleep with him.
That’s your reasoning, and it’s partially true, but not totally true.
It’s based on the mistaken idea that this guy is the only guy out there and if you make a “wrong” move, you blew it.
It’s not wrong to forestall sex. It’s not wrong to have boundaries.
And objectively, there are millions of guys out there and only ONE of you. If he dumps you because you don’t want to move so fast, he wasn’t the right guy for you anyway.
Scarcity thinking is also based on a limiting belief that you have no control over your destiny.
You feel that men have all the power in relationships, and that’s another half-truth.
YOU actually have a lot more power than you think. You just need to:Learn how to use that power
Why do you feel so powerless in love? Is it because you feel you have to passively wait for a man to approach you, ask you out, make the first move, and call you after a date?
While it’s true that most men prefer pursuing a woman to being pursued, your job is to decide what’s acceptable and what’s not, including saying no to sex if it’s not the right move for you, regardless of how he feels about it.
YOU have that power. You’re not worried about what he thinks. You decide whether he gets hired or gets fired. You don’t wait around for a man who doesn’t value you appropriately.
His future is entirely up to YOU. Therefore, before you sleep with him, you should require that he agree to one important thing first…
What’s the right timing for intercourse?
I’ve got a radical theory.
Unless you’re a woman who’s looking for a no-strings-attached good time, you shouldn’t sleep with a guy unless he’s your boyfriend.
I call this “sexclusivity.”
It means that he’s agreed to an exclusive relationship BEFORE you take your clothes off.
And yes, that means that more than likely, this isn’t going to happen on the first, second, or even third date. It may take a few weeks of dating before you both agree to sexclusivity.
Requiring sexclusivity tells a man that you have standards, values, and boundaries. It tells him that you know yourself well enough to realize that you don’t like sleeping with men who are still dating other women.
It tells a man that you won’t compromise yourself and what you want for your life.
Now, this won’t work on a guy who’s only looking to score. THAT guy is going to hear your request and run. (Which means this is working properly by scaring off players!)
On the other hand, being a sexual being with healthy boundaries is highly attractive to a marriage-minded, quality man.
That guy’s going to stick around because he’s looking for something far deeper and more meaningful than a one-night stand.
Isn’t that what you really want?
If you’re done with being dumped by men after you sleep with them, then you have some easy changes to make.
First, you have to get past your fear of rejection and start treating men like they’re just one of a million instead of a-million-to-one-shot at love.
Second, you have to take back control of your love life and stop treating men like they have all the power.
Lastly, you have to change your paradigm about what makes you wildly irresistible to a man (hint: it’s not your bedroom charm).
In my eBook program, Date Without Heartbreak: 10 Incredibly Common Mistakes That Keep Great Women Single, you’ll learn client-tested, effective strategies for overcoming your fear of rejection and learn how to empower yourself by becoming the CEO of your love life.
You’ll learn what being in control really means in terms of vetting a man BEFORE you sleep with him. The analogies I talk about in Chapter 2 will help you get crystal clear about what it means to take back the power in your relationships.
You’ll also learn what a quality man is looking for in a woman and what he needs to FEEL around you in order to WANT to become sexclusive with you.
Finally, you’ll discover the highly attractive mindset that will set you apart from the majority of women out there.
I know, because I dated 300 women before meeting my wife, who had the same mindset I’m going to share with you.
You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how simple and fun dating can be with the strategies, tips, and guidance you’ll get from my eBook and program.
So, stop making the mistake of sleeping with him too soon. Start learning what it takes to meet a great man and live happily ever after:Start Reading and Listening Now
Warmest wishes and much love,
P.S. Men can be charming, and if you’re not careful, you could get hurt. So what can you do to protect yourself from charmers, players, and narcissists?
My wife dictated 3 simple rules to evaluate whether you’ve got a good guy on your hands. These rules can save you months or even YEARS of agonizing and pining away for the wrong guy. They can be found at the end of Chapter 9 in my eBook program.Get the 3 Rules and Get Your Peace of Mind Back