Do you long for a loving relationship, but as time goes by you can’t seem to take action to make it happen?
You don’t smile at strangers. You’re way too uncomfortable to flirt. You don’t get yourself “out there” to meet single men. You don’t bring up how dissatisfied you are with your boyfriend. You put up with crap from your husband because you don’t have the energy to have yet another discussion with him.
You go through the motions. Every day is just like any other day.
And you stay stuck—in loneliness, unhappiness, and dissatisfaction.
Have you ever asked yourself why?
Often, the reason you stay stuck and fail to take action in situations that don’t feel right is because of the things you internalize.
For example, you mull over past conversations, relive old hurts, and agonize over arguments and misunderstandings.
This internalizing affects your self-talk.
You tell yourself that you’re not good enough. That great love isn’t possible for you. That there are no good men out there (’cuz you never seem to meet them).
And if there were good men, they wouldn’t want you anyway, because you’re too much. Too emotional. Too dramatic. To “fussy.” That you can’t handle the stress of dating or relationships, and therefore, you should probably be alone.
And the more you tell yourself these negative things, the more you believe them, and the more you’ll see evidence for them in your life!
This negative self-talk is no bueno, and it’s no fun, and it will actually make you uncomfortable around the good men you DO meet (if you even notice them with those emotional blinders on), and only put them off.
That’s why it’s super important that you not only recognize this pattern for what it is, but you learn how to reverse this pattern, so you can relax more and gain confidence.
In this article, I’m going to show you how to do just that.
The first reason you’re stuck stems from something called, “negativity bias.”
This means you remember pain a heck of a lot more than you remember pleasure.
For example, you’ll throw a dinner party for some friends, have great conversations, get complimented on your cooking, but all you’ll remember is that one snarky comment your best friend made about your outfit. You’ll obsess over it for HOURS, even DAYS. You’ll imagine all the things you COULD have said to her, but didn’t.
You’ll kind of “forget” all the good things that happened that evening, like all the compliments you received or what a good time everyone had.
You’ll just clamp on to that one negative comment and make it representative of the entire evening.
And, but the way, having some negativity bias is completely normal.
You see, in our “cavewoman” days, our survival depended on us being über diligent about threats and danger.
It was nice to notice the flowers blooming on that bush, but it was more important to notice that poisonous snake that was slithering out from underneath it (eeeeeee!!). So we are all literally wired to notice and remember negative things more than positive.
In the modern world, our brain still functions the same way, even though our environment has changed a lot.
Now the “snake” is our friend’s unkind crack about our dress. Or our boyfriend’s insensitive comment about our butt. Or the rejection we feel so dreadfully when that cute guy never returns our text.
The negativity bias causes you to be more protective of your heart. You remember all the “bad” things that have happened on your dates and with men, and tend to dismiss all the good, and as these stack up you become leery of dating over time.
Or, you remain in “ok” relationships that you don’t try to improve because you’re so afraid of the pain of being alone. Which you remember ALLLL too well.
So yes—having a negativity bias is normal.
Allowing it to keep you stuck and unhappy is NOT so normal.
But there may be something else that’s keeping you stuck, particularly if you’re sensitive (or as I call it, soulfully sensitive). In fact, if you’re one of my soulfully sensitive ladies, this second reason has really gotten in your way!!
Most people have a decent imagination, and if you’re soulfully sensitive, your imagination is incredible and one of your best features.
But when it comes to relationships, a powerful imagination is not always a good thing.
When your imagination is strong, you can have elaborate narratives going on in your mind all the time. You meet a guy you connect with on the first date, and you’re not just imagining where you’ll go on your next date, you’re already imagining how you’re going to decorate the house after you move in together.
In fact, your super keen imagination may make you believe that you have more control over things than you actually do. For instance, you take a “woo-woo” class on manifestation or other modalities on how to create your perfect relationship or attract your soul mate, and you get AMPED! You do all the rituals and exercises, believing you can control how and when it’ll all happen.
And when it doesn’t happen (at least not right away), you decide God or “The Universe” doesn’t love you. (I’m not making fun of you here—remember, I’m a woo-woo girl, too! ;))
You feel deflated and confused.
Nothing you do seems to work out (there’s that negativity bias!).
And soon, you lose faith. You feel like giving up.
You fill your life with things that are easier, less uncomfortable, and more fun. (Like getting a root canal! ;))
So you don’t make any effort, instead hoping that “eventually” something will work out.
Or if you’re in a not-so-great relationship, you imagine that if you leave you’ll be alone F-O-R-E-V-E-R, which freaks you out, so you stay and put up with crap.
You withdraw into yourself and shut out the big, bad world.
To get unstuck, you’ll need a plan to soften your negativity bias and bring a healthy dose of reality to your intense imagination, so you can feel more confident and in love with your life.
In other words, you’ll need to raise your “frequency.”
That’s a hippie-dippie way of saying that you’ll need to generate more positive love energy.
Everything is energy. This has been proven by scientists the world over…And when you operate from a place of negativity bias, you lower your energy.Things feel slower. Everything seems more difficult. Bumps become mountains. And you literally turn off your magnetism, something smarty-pants scientists have also proven!
When you raise your frequency, and live at the “vibration” of love, everything feels lighter…easier…more joyful.
You begin to attract others who are also operating from that same love frequency. They are naturally drawn to you and vice-versa.
You see, it’s not that we attract or manifest what we believe (get it? MAN-ifest? ;)), it’s that we manifest what we ARE…
So how do you raise your frequency?
The way to do it is to love your life as much as possible.
Start by asking yourself every morning: What do I love? What food would I love to eat today? What fragrance would I love to wear? What clothes can I put on that will bring me joy? Which activities would I love to do?
How can I make more room for more of the things I really love, and do less of the things I don’t?
All day long even seemingly small decisions and actions add up and either make your energy rise, or take it down…
Once you lose yourself in the pursuit of the things that make you happy and that you love, you will raise your frequency and attract more of the same kind of light, loving energy to you.
In other words, you’ll start meeting people (uhum, MALE people!) who also love their lives.
You will become a magnet for positive, love-filled people, and you will stop feeling so stuck.
Negativity bias and an overactive imagination can get in the way of any woman. But the effects are MAGNIFIED if you’re soulfully sensitive.
Soulfully sensitive women often suffer in love because of their tendency to be more impacted by things—good and bad—and therefore have a much STRONGER negativity bias, which erodes their confidence and makes them less resilient in the face of romantic disappointment.
A lack of confidence means you’ll have a hard time setting healthy boundaries. You’ll be afraid to communicate your feelings and needs to partners.
In part 6 of my video program, Love and The Soulfully Sensitive Woman, I reveal 6 action steps from both ancient spiritual principles as well as modern science to effectively raise your love frequency and therefore, increase your confidence.
You’ll learn a surprising way to change your self-talk by asking others about THEIR love life.
You’ll get tips on what to say to yourself, how your posture affects your mood, and how to use certain types of physical activity to boost your self-esteem.
You’ll hear how certain self-care activities can dramatically increase your confidence and why you should do these on a regular basis (for reals!).
When you commit to these action steps, you’ll stop thinking that you’re not good enough, or that it’s all just too hard. You’ll begin to believe that great love IS possible for you, and you’re going to get that energetic boost to do what it takes to make it happen.
You’ll stop believing that you’re too much and instead, hold your head high, knowing that you’re special, spiritual, and deep.
Get it all here:A Strategy Tailored Just for You
You can handle so much more than you think. You don’t need to stay stuck—in bad relationships, or in loneliness, giving up on your real dreams of love.
I’ve worked with thousands of women just like you. And those that made these changes were able to turn all of this around and have a much better time.
All you need is a specific strategy to get your groove back—that will support and enhance both your inner life, as well as your outer actions—that honors your unique soulfully sensitive nature.
P.S. There’s a way to set up your life as a soulfully sensitive woman that makes the MOST of your beautiful qualities AND reduces the amount of stress, anxiety, self-criticism, and heartache you feel no matter what happens.
In part 3 of my video program, you’ll learn how to streamline your life, develop a powerful personal mission statement in your quest for love, and set up goals that will get you what your heart desires.Nurture Your Soulfully Sensitive Nature