Do you get nervous when you’re about to go on a date?
Most people do. It’s normal. We suspect that we may be scrutinized in a very personal way, so we want to make the best first impression.
We carefully pick out what we’ll wear. We take our time doing our hair and makeup.
We select clothes that make us look slimmer, taller or younger. We stand up straighter and suck in our stomach and cover up the flabby parts.
Meeting a stranger that we want to connect with romantically can bring up a lot of insecurities. We feel the imperfections in every square inch of our body.
Sometimes we cringe at the imperfections in our personalities, too.
Do we talk too much? Not enough? Say the wrong things?
We wait to hear what our date wants to talk about before initiating conversation about ourselves.
If our date seems well-traveled and shares tales of adventure, our minds scramble to come up with comparable adventure anecdotes, so we don’t seem like boring home-bodies.
If they ask us about our last relationship, we gloss over the worst parts and stay far away from the truth of our own shortcomings. We don’t want to seem like a poor judge of character.
We believe that if we can do a good enough job hiding the ugly stuff and pretending to be hip and interesting, that in time, we can convince them that we’re a great catch.
We hope they’ll like us and maybe even fall in love with us.
Which is an approach that is so…bass ackwards!
There you are, sitting across from that drop-dead-gorgeous guy who’s charming you and secretly thinking, I hope he thinks I’m attractive and interesting.
You may not be consciously aware, but you are contorting, shrinking and shape-shifting in order to “make” him like you.
When you come from the perspective of, “How can I make this person like me?” you are putting forth an energy of desperation.
This is not attractive and may even be repellent.
What this energy communicates is that you don’t have confidence that you’re a valuable person on your own merits, because you’re pretending to be someone you’re not.
You revel in any amount of positive attention offered to you, because you need outside approval in order to feel good about yourself.
Since you’re tailoring your conversation to what you think your date wants to talk about, you may come across as flat or fake. You hide your true self.
Your lack of authenticity makes you feel guilt and shame.
In a nutshell, what all of this shrinking and contorting says about you is that you don’t have self love.
A person who has self love doesn’t ask themselves, “Does this person like me?”
When you have Self Love, you relax on your dates because you’re not putting all your energy into making a good impression.
You’re not pretending to be someone you’re not. You’re not looking to convince anyone that you’re “good enough.”
When you have Self Love, you date in order to find and connect with the one person you feel most drawn to, not because they have expressed an interest in you, but because they FEEL RIGHT to you.
Their values, personality and demeanor appeal to you.
How do you determine if someone is a good match if you have Self Love?
You watch and observe and listen and then you check in with your feelings.
Do you feel excited and light around them? Does the conversation flow? Do they raise your energy?
Or do you feel tight and on edge around this person? Do they make you nervous, but not in a good way?
Do you like the person you are when you’re with them, or do you go home feeling drained, low energy or like you’ve made a fool of yourself somehow?
I experienced this myself after I got divorced and started dating again.
I remember meeting lots of interesting men and going on many first dates. I found the entire process to be wildly fun. I was learning so much about myself and what I liked and didn’t like!
It wasn’t a drag because I wasn’t out to convince anyone that I was a great catch. I didn’t need to use strategies or techniques to make a man feel attracted to me, because I knew the right man would recognize me as the right woman for him.
I knew that when I approached dating with Self Love, I would attract a mate that had an equal measure of Self Love. He would respect himself and others and he would be open and easy-going because he wouldn’t be trying to hide behind a persona.
When you date with Self Love, you attract others of similar energy or vibration to you. You’re confident in your worth and they are confident in theirs, too. You can trust what they say because they have no need to draw smokescreens around themselves.
When you date with Self Love you naturally and effortlessly become more magnetic and irresistible to the right person, and you naturally repel those who do not have self love or aren’t authentic.How to Develop Self Love, Naturally
In my program, Self Love For True Love, you’ll learn how to develop Self Love in order to attract the right partner to you.
I’ll take you step-by-step through a process that will allow you to surrender all the emotional responses, false beliefs and patterns that keep delivering the same disappointing results to you.
You’ll learn to create NEW responses that come from a place of authenticity and self-awareness instead of that wounded place of “not good enough.”
You’ll do all of this through:
Self Love For True Love is a program consisting of a 67-page eBook and corresponding audio and videos, both of which you can examine for a full week before deciding it’s right for you.
You’ll also receive a library of affirmations, meditations and exercises to bring what you’ve learned into your life and start applying it everyday.Start reading and listening
When you take on the perspective of, “Is this a person I can love?” from the first date with a romantic prospect, you are protecting yourself from toxic relationships with narcissists, control-freaks and abusers.
Being committed to loving yourself will save you from years of heartbreak, loneliness, self-loathing and emotional bankruptcy. Self love is the only investment that has constant returns and is therefore worth making!
P.S. Do you have a history of toxic relationships? Are you worried that you’ll never fall in love with a person who can make you happy? Learn how developing Self Love can inoculate you from these energy-draining relationships and help you find your Soul Mate at last.Find your Soul Mate through Self Love