You’re pretty sure there’s something wrong with you.
After all, you’ve never been able to truly let go with a partner intimately. Instead of allowing yourself to be free in the moment and surrender to pleasure, getting physically close to someone immediately fills you with conflicting feelings—and they’re not good.
Part of you wants to be close, but a big, roaring part of you wants to recoil or get out of there as fast as you can.
Or, maybe you haven’t always been this way. Maybe there was a time when you were FREE and took great pleasure in your body and someone else’s. Back then, you were truly able to be in the moment, to give yourself, to give of yourself, and to receive—happily.
And then something happened that changed all that. An incident. A comment. Or a long-drawn out situation that crumbled you.
Either way, you feel like there’s some spell that has been cast over you—a curse keeping you from the pleasure everyone else seems to enjoy.
You feel alone because nobody really talks about this stuff.
But they talk about it with me.
See, as a doctor of Chinese medicine and a sex educator for over 30 years, people let their guard down around me—and trust me with their sexual lives. They can talk freely with me about what’s going on, even though they feel shackled from freedom in the bedroom.
And these are people you’d think have it all figured out: royalty, celebrities, and prominent business executives.
They’ve come to me in shame because they’ve been unable to have truly fulfilling sexual experiences, and because this problem has been seeping into other areas of their lives.
They’re depressed, they’re turning to addictions, they can’t focus, they’re miserable at relationships.
And, no matter what their story, we can usually trace it back to one solitary thing: trauma.
When most people hear “sexual trauma,” they often think it means rape, sexual abuse, or molestation. And yes, these are truly traumatic experiences that can adversely affect a person’s sexuality.
I’ve helped people with this kind of trauma heal, find empowerment, and enjoy sexuality the way they were born to.
But trauma can be anything that makes you feel less than.
If somebody commented on your crooked teeth when you were a kid, you could still feel self-conscious about your looks even though braces straightened them years ago.
Or maybe in high school when all the girls were wearing lacy bras, you could barely fit an A cup, and you felt inferior. Since then, you’ve been apologizing for your breast size—either overtly (“I know, they’re small”) or keeping them covered from your partners.
On the other end of the spectrum, maybe you came into puberty early and still remember the creepy stares from strangers.
Trauma is, simply put, anything that chips away at this beautiful bright crystal that is your sexuality.
And yet sexuality is not just your body. It’s linked to spirituality and encompasses what the ancient Chinese call “chi” or vital life force.
Chi is energy that runs through your whole being, and it is both masculine (yang) and feminine (yin).
Chi is literally what powers your physical and emotional health.
Yang energy is giving and active.
Yin energy is receptive.
One is not better than the other; they are both essential.
They’re also flowing and ever changing depending on the stage of your life.
During childhood, yin (receptive) energy is predominant. This is why it is said that “a child is like a sponge”—soaking up everything he or she learns, including new languages.
Unfortunately, the other side of the coin is that a predominance of yin energy makes children more likely to be negatively influenced.
That’s why early experiences can have such a hold on us—they occurred when we were very vulnerable. Years later, you can find yourself hiding your body, unable to let go with a partner, or start crying in the middle of lovemaking.
In fact, trauma is more likely to rear its head when you deeply care about your partner and are in a healthy relationship.
There’s a good reason for that:
If you’re just having a casual tryst, you’re not invested in the relationship, and so the interaction remains superficial.
But once you start falling in love, you become much more vulnerable. Because the only way to truly connect and get closer is to be vulnerable.
And this can be very scary. Letting someone see ALL of you—the inner AND the outer nakedness—means we make ourselves open to possible rejection.
But the more you reveal to each other—especially the “ugly” parts you don’t want to show—the more true love can bloom.
As you reveal, and your partner accepts…safety develops. And love deepens even more.
But you can’t get there if you stay closed up.
That’s why the best way to heal old trauma is also the scariest.
You need to be willing to let yourself be seen.
The extent that you’ll talk about and share your pain and be vulnerable about it is the extent to which your relationship will deepen, and your trauma can finally heal.
If you continue to allow trauma to block you from pleasure, you’re also depriving yourself off the many unexpected health benefits that sex provides.
See, regular sex performed skillfully is one of the most potent anti-aging activities on the planet. The more you do it—and do it well—the healthier you become, both physically and emotionally.
The converse is also true. The patients I see who are closed off sexually tend to present with chronic fatigue, elevated stress levels, and a myriad of aches and pains. They have low energy, have a hard time fending off colds, and they report relationship dissatisfaction.
Some of these people have been on the verge of giving up on ever having fulfilling sex, until I teach them how to fall in love with their sexuality and use it as a tool to improve every area of their lives.
In my Passion Play, I’ll teach you the very same methods right at home so you can heal your trauma and discover the beautiful sexuality within you.
You’ll learn how regular, skillful sex has the power to heal your emotional wounds and triggers, allowing yourself to fully experience ecstatic pleasure.
What do I mean by “skillful sex?” It’s not acrobatics or something you’d read about on the cover of a magazine.
Skillful sex rises beyond animal instinct in order to heal and celebrate what makes us human. It taps into the vital life force in your body, respecting the balance of yin and yang in a way that sets you up for optimal emotional and physical health.
The kind of sex that balances your yin and yang energy, so they flow freely, keep you healthy, and allow you to enjoy the full range of ecstatic pleasure.
Through a detailed, illustrated eBook and video, I’ll teach you how chi powers your body and the symptoms that tell you when your energetic profile is out of balance. You’ll also get a PDF where I answer the 10 most popular questions I get about sex.
Not in a relationship? No problem. Passion Play will show you how being single is often the best time to rev up your sexuality so you’re ready and able to attract a healthy relationship:Rev Up Your Sexuality
You no longer have to be a slave to whatever happened in your past. Great sex is everyone’s birthright. Let me show you how.