Is your bedroom routine way too predictable? Do you wish you could experience orgasms in more ways than just your go-to positions?
Maybe when you were younger, or when your relationship was new, your body felt like it was on fire when your man touched you. The pleasure you got from a kiss, or a touch, or a glance was almost unbearable.
It was so easy to feel lustful and satisfied. Your body was very responsive, no matter what position you and your lover tried.
Now when you make love, you have to work harder to get aroused. Your lover’s touch doesn’t automatically make you shudder with anticipation. He seems to want to skip foreplay and get to the “good stuff,” and you wish he’d linger longer in other erogenous zones besides your genitals.
You may also be a lot less responsive than you used to be, and only have one position that works for you most of the time.
Maybe that bothers you, and maybe it bothers your partner, because he wishes he could do more to please you, and you wish you weren’t stuck in a rut with your body.
Fortunately, there is a way to address this common problem. There’s a simple technique that will help you expand your pleasure repertoire, and it starts with figuring out what feels good to you.
To illustrate what I mean, allow me to tell you about “Lori” and “Frank,” who came to me with a similar dilemma.
Lori and Frank had been married for 16 years when they came to me for help with their sex life.
The issue they were grappling with was that Lori could only have an orgasm one way: by kneeling on a pillow and rubbing her bottom back and forth a certain way. Frank felt left out. He wanted to be able to give her pleasure, too. This was important to him, and she was open to figuring out a way to help him do that. He wanted her to teach him how to touch her.
The thing was, she didn’t know how to teach him. She didn’t know what was happening “down there” in that particular position that brought her so much pleasure. She couldn’t tell him how to touch because she barely knew how to touch herself in a way that felt good outside of that ritual.
What I recommended was that he get behind her while she kneeled on the pillow and simulate the action as much as possible with his hands.
In other words, I had them explore ways that he could give her the same pleasure that she was getting on her own, through masturbation.
This was the key to helping them expand their bedroom repertoire, and it can be an effective technique to help you explore ways to expand your pleasure, as well.
Lori and Frank found a way to give Lori more satisfaction out of their lovemaking and add novelty to their routine by simulating the way that Lori liked to touch herself when she masturbated. This opened up intimacy between them and was a first step to even more exploration and pleasure.
This simple technique is one way you can put some novelty into your lovemaking, too.
Consider what works to give you pleasure when you’re by yourself. How do you position your body when you masturbate? How do you touch yourself? What rhythm do you use, and how long do you sustain it?
Then share this with your partner by showing him or her how to touch you. You don't even need to use words—gently stare into your beloved's eyes while moving his or her hand where you want it to be. This can create a powerful and sexy moment. You’ll be surprised at how much excitement it brings back to the bedroom, as well as being a catalyst for even more exploration in the future.
When you take a step to get outside of your routine or comfort zone in bed, you open the door to a whole new world of pleasure and joy in your relationship.
Unless you aren’t sure what you like, because you don’t know your own body very well. If that’s the case, you’ll want to keep reading…
Lori didn’t know why the position she so relied on for pleasure worked for her. She wasn’t familiar with her body and couldn’t even begin to express to her husband what she wanted, or why.
When it comes to our bodies, many of us don’t fully know what works.
We’ve never taken the time to get to know our bodies or what feels good. We just go through the motions in bed, hoping that something will change, but not sure what we can change, or what’s even possible.
Perhaps we were shamed when we were children or made to believe that sex and masturbation was wrong or dirty somehow. The thought of exploring our bodies makes us cringe or shuts us down erotically.
We may dismiss the importance of great, satisfying sex in our relationships and health. We believe that in the context of a romantic partnership, it’s a “nice-to-have” activity, instead of the important foundation that it really is to a happy and healthy relationship.
As a woman, you may misunderstand your own sexuality. You are resigned to the idea that it’s more difficult for you to enjoy sex, or that you have to work harder to feel satisfied compared to a man. Therefore, you don’t even explore any options or new ideas, resigned to the idea that you’ll never experience a high level of physical pleasure.
Finally, you may not know what you don’t know. You have no idea how good sex can feel and the different ways you can have an orgasm because you haven’t tried anything new in a long time. You wouldn’t even know where to turn to find out…outside of porn, which is so far outside of reality that getting any kind of information from it is more of a liability than an asset!
Because of these emotional barriers, you may not know what feels good to you, or why, and if you don’t know, it’s going to be almost impossible for you to show your partner how to excite you in bed.
Without a willingness to explore and learn, and without knowing how important satisfying, skillful sex is to the health and longevity of your relationship, you’re likely to continue to have routine, predictable, humdrum sex.
And you’re likely to be even more limited in the ways you can be satisfied or have orgasms.
But if you’re ready to invigorate your relationship through mind-bending, toe-curling, lustful pleasure in the bedroom, I’ve got just the thing that will help you get there.
Early in my career as a Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner and sex educator, I was intrigued by the vast amount of research and study the ancients invested in the topic of sex and sexuality.
The boudoirs of ancient China were laboratories of sorts, where scholars, physicians, philosophers, royalty, and nobility tested techniques on what brought men and women to heights of pleasure.
I shared these ancient secrets with my patients in private practice and watched as their sex lives got better, their relationships got stronger and more loving, their health and wellbeing blossomed, and their overall outlook on life improved.
There’s good reason for that…
Skillful, satisfying sex is one of the four pillars for a happy life. Knowing your body and what feels good to you is the first step to experiencing great sex.
But what if you don’t know your body as well as you’d like to, and you need help in that department?
That’s a big part of what you’ll learn through my program, Passion Play.
Passion Play will reveal, step-by-step, how to identify the pleasure zones on your body and what to do to have better, more satisfying sex with your partner or by yourself.
It’ll show you and your partner how to be more creative and attentive during foreplay, so that you can become fully aroused even before the clothes come off. You’ll learn how to harmonize your minds through activities that are meant to build anticipation and stimulate your imagination.
You’ll learn all about your sexual anatomy and how it works. Most women do not know what gives them pleasure because the “machine” that receives it, their body, is a mystery to them. For example, did you know that you have no nerve in your vagina, so if your partner touches you lightly inside, you may not feel a thing? This is normal.
You’ll also learn what positions and activities can help you achieve maximum sensation and pleasure. Your lover will see, through illustrations and instruction, where and how to touch you, in ways you may have never been touched.
You’ll be able to experience an awakening in your own body and a newfound appreciation for your partner.
With what you’ll learn in Passion Play, you’ll look forward to exploring new ways to feel delighted and aroused.
And you just may be surprised at all the new ways you can feel satisfied.Discover New Techniques and Pleasures in Passion Play
P.S. Does the size or shape of your partner’s penis make orgasm difficult? In Chapter 5 of Passion Play, you’ll learn special positions, angles, and thrusting techniques that will allow both of you to enjoy the act of lovemaking without discomfort. Plus, you’ll put the spark back in your relationship through greater intimacy and mutual pleasure.Learn How to Master Intercourse