There’s someone in your past you believe is responsible for the emotional pain you’ve suffered.
This person said or did things that left you scarred even though you can’t see the wounds from the outside.
Maybe it was the way they treated you, the way they betrayed you, or the choices they made that deeply affected you.
This pain is real and has been with you ever since it first happened. In fact, sometimes you feel like no matter how much time has passed, it will always have a hold on you. And if you think about the situation too much, you inevitably spiral down a well of anger, sadness, and loss.
Loss for the person you used to be who was never again the same. Loss for the hopes and dreams you had until this person did what they did.
Maybe the event happened when you were very young. Maybe, it was your whole childhood. And the loss cuts through everything.
Everything means every relationship you’ve tried to have as an adult, when you’ve been afraid to get too close.
Will you ever be able to have a “normal” relationship?
In order to have a healthy relationship right now, you must be in the present and fully available to share love.
This may seem like common sense, but so many of us enter relationships clinging to something from our past—often hoping that our new partner will save us from whatever happened and will make everything okay.
But when you come to a relationship from this place, you are immediately abdicating responsibility for yourself, your feelings, and your happiness. Instead, you are assigning your partner the job of making you feel good about yourself.
And this is an extremely shaky position to be in.
Because as soon as your partner “drops the ball”—and most human beings do—you’ll feel triggered into your old emotional pain when someone from your past was unloving to you.
If your partner goes out for the night and doesn’t call, your whole world freezes and you’re right smack in the pain you felt when you were a child and you didn’t know why your dad was being so distant.
But it left a gaping hole in your heart, and now this new man seems to be doing the same thing. You don’t know what to do with this pain—how to go inside, take responsibility for it, and give the little girl inside you the love she didn’t get when she was little.
So you project your pain onto your partner, and engage in some kind of controlling behavior to get love: you become needy, you give him the silent treatment, you passive-aggressively pick fights.
Then, when your partner becomes moody, distant, or leaves altogether, you sink into the deepest of despair. “I’ll never get this right. If only I hadn’t had X happen to me, I wouldn’t be in this mess.”
Maybe your father was a workaholic, a substance addict, or dealing with his own pain in some way that made him absent while you were growing up.
As a child, you wouldn’t have had the experience to understand that your father’s behavior was not a reflection of you. You only concluded that you were not worthy of time and attention.
Today, when your partner doesn’t call like he said he would, you immediately interpret the behavior as a sign that you are not important.
In this way, you ARE being held hostage by your past—but not because of your past. The past is gone. What is here now is the beliefs you CHOOSE for yourself. YOU are the only person who has the power to change your beliefs and finally heal yourself from the pain so you can have the life YOU want.
Up until now, you have been a slave to your past—blaming others and your pain for what happens to you.
As long as you rely on your partner to feel good, you will always be at their mercy. Being at anyone’s mercy never feels good.
The only thing that will finally bring you inner peace is to take 100% responsibility for your feelings—all of them.
This is in no way meant to diminish what you have endured. You may have suffered unspeakable pain. But you do not have to STAY in pain. If nobody is hurting you right now, the pain you are feeling comes from your thoughts and what you choose to believe about yourself.
“Yes, my father did not love me the way I should have been loved. But I am an adult now, and I can choose to avoid unloving situations and instead only gravitate to what feels loving.”
When you do this, you are showing compassion for yourself while letting go of trying to control anyone else’s behavior.
Does this sound like a tall order? It can be after you’ve been stuck in victim mode for so long. But that’s exactly where so many of the men and women are when they discover the profoundly transformational process of Inner Bonding. Inner Bonding—is my six-step, deep self healing process that has helped thousands of people where no other therapy has worked before.
You can learn exactly how Inner Bonding works through my video program, Wildly, Deeply, Joyously In Love. I'll teach you why taking full responsibility for your feelings (instead of blaming them on others) can be unbelievably LIBERATING—and you'll learn step by step how to do it.
You'll discover how to bring true compassion to yourself, how to uncover the truth about what’s causing your pain, and how to take the specific loving action that will help you heal the pain—for good.
I’ve designed this as a 30-day program so you can slowly integrate the process and learn a totally different way of being with yourself and your pain.
As you bring your attention to self-healing, you’ll find that you don’t need to look to your partner or anyone else to make you feel good—and you no longer allow your past to make you feel bad:Start Now
Healthy relationships are impossible from a place of victimhood. Claim complete responsibility for your feelings, and watch even your most stubborn patterns fall apart—so that the life you’re meant to live can finally unfold.