It seems that a man can just do it at any old time, doesn’t it?
He can be stressed, and he’ll still want to do it.
You haven’t showered, and he still wants you.
You’ve had a fight, and that doesn’t dampen his desire.
The dishes are piled in the sink, there are toys everywhere, and that doesn’t stop him.
Sure, maybe this doesn’t fit the bill for ALL men. But if you’re a woman, your experience is likely that a man doesn’t need certain conditions in order to get it on.
And he doesn’t need much convincing, either. Say the word, and he’s there.
Sometimes, this is nice. But when you’re not feeling it, it’s a source of real frustration and sadness.
What really grates on you is that he doesn’t seem to need the relationship to be okay in order for sex to happen.
For you, feeling happy with him and having sex with him go hand in hand. Getting naked with him is the last thing you want to do when he has hurt you or when you feel disconnected or taken for granted.
Are men really so compartmentalized that he can separate emotions and sex? He just doesn’t seem to “get it.” At least, not like you do.
And you’re right. He DOESN’T get it, not like you do. Because he’s different.
But here’s where this message can be life-changing for you: Just because he’s different doesn’t mean he’s wrong. In fact, if you’re willing to listen to what I have to say and give yourself permission to think about sex from his perspective, you can and will end up having the kind of connected relationship AND euphoric sex you’re aching for.
See, it’s not that men are just animals running on primal instinct. It’s that they instinctively know something about sex that could actually help YOU get everything you want in your relationship—if you know how to use it.
As a medical practitioner and sex educator for over 30 years, I want to share a common anecdote from my female patients and see if you can relate to it:
You and your partner had a fight, and he said something that really hurt. For the next few hours, this thing he said is whirling around your head like a trapped bee.
The next day, he’s acting as if nothing happened. Then he tries to get close.
And this is when the next altercation happens. Because the last thing you want to do is be amorous with this man.
No fooling around…you want an apology! You want him to “get it” that he hurt you. You definitely don’t want him to think he can just jump in bed with you and pretend everything’s ok.
It’s not just your mind—your body isn’t having any of it, either. There’s no desire in you whatsoever, and now you’re feeling really angry, because it’s ludicrous to you that he could think anything different.
Now, I want you to lift the hood of this anger. What’s really there? What are you missing?
You see, anger is really a cover for another emotion. You DO have a desire for your man—your desire is to connect with him, and, if you look really closely, you’ll see that beneath your anger is a sadness about feeling so disconnected.
This is NOT the kind of relationship you were hoping for, at least not in challenging moments. You dreamed of a connection with your man where he would want to cherish you, listen to you, understand you, and see sex as an EXPRESSION of this connection.
When you push away his sexual advances, you’re actually doing it because you want him to “get it”—you want him to give you the emotional closeness you need before you get physically intimate.
In reality, you don’t want a sexless life with him. You really DO want to feel sexual passion—just when it is part of emotional connection. You want this, and yet you push the sex away, because you want it with certain “conditions.”
But by pushing him away, you’re ensuring even more disconnection.
You might not believe this, but behind a man’s sexual advances is a sincere desire for connection—ESPECIALLY when there’s tension between the two of you.
That’s because a man connects emotionally with you THROUGH sex.
It’s just the way he’s wired. Sexuality, for him, works from the “bottom” (genitals) up. When he’s fulfilled through the act of sex, it activates his “emotion tank,” and he’s able to connect with his heart.
For you, sexuality works the other way around. You want to feel connected first before you open up sexually. You work from the top (mind/heart) down. When you feel emotionally connected, this trickles down, allowing you to connect sexually.
Neither of you are “wrong,” and neither of you are “right.” It’s just the way you are. So when he initiates sex even though the relationship is rocky, he’s actually trying to connect.
And there’s actually a biological basis for this—one that ultimately benefits BOTH of you.
Because here’s something that men intuitively understand—sex actually facilitates connection and helps create relationship.
Sex, done skillfully and regularly, is actually a powerful TOOL for connection. It’s not just a selfish, pleasure-centered act.
You need to feel connected in order to have sex. Your mistake all this time is thinking he should operate the way you do—and that there’s something WRONG if he doesn’t.
Let me ask you: How has this worked for you?
Have you been able to get the connection you want by digging in your heels and saying no to sex when everything else isn’t just right?
Do you feel closer to him when you turn him down and wait for him to apologize? Or does the tension build even more?
When you push away sex, he feels rejected first and foremost. So he might try to cope with this overriding emotion by becoming passive aggressive— disappearing into work, a hobby, or the TV. His efforts to get close to you didn’t work, and now he doesn’t know what to do.
Remember, you’re both trying to get connected—but you’re going about it in different ways.
In my practice, I teach women and men how to use ancient wisdom to make their sex lives hot and their relationships deeply connected.
And I see two kinds of women:
The woman who absolutely shudders at the thought of getting sexual when her relationship is having trouble, and the woman who is willing to try, because nothing else has worked.
The woman who refuses to give my methods a shot has a pretty predictable outcome—her bitterness and frustration soar, eventually overtaking the relationship. She then becomes increasingly disconnected from her mate. They either resign themselves to living like roommates, or he goes on to have affairs.
Then there is the woman who is willing to TRY. She knows she can change her mind at any time, but she’s just going to give my advice a shot.
Here’s what typically happens:
It’s a little disconcerting at first, but this brave woman quickly gets over her initial hesitation, because she could never have predicted what happened next:
Not only did she actually enjoy herself (even though she was initially angry at her man), something else happened: She noticed that the more she kept following my advice, the better she felt OVERALL—about her life, her role as a mother, her purpose, and her health.
What’s doubly amazing is that this woman starts seeing a magical transformation in her man. HE starts initiating sex in a way that pushes all the right buttons for her—from her head to her heart to her hot zone.
When it all comes together, they connect emotionally and sexually beyond her wildest imagination.
This stuff WORKS. And I created Passion Play because I wanted to help as many women as I could enjoy the pleasure their bodies were born for.
Passion Play is my eBook + video program that will teach you get on the same page as your man—heart, body, and soul.
You’ll learn about the careful balance of male and female energies present in both men and women—and how to balance your energies TOGETHER so that sex becomes a highlight of your relationship and a tool for connection, not something to hold hostage or enjoy only when everything is perfect between you.
While many relationship books teach you how to work on communication skills and conflict resolution, Passion Play will teach you how to make your relationship better THROUGH great sex.
What if you don’t really enjoy sex with your partner? What if you find it boring or routine or just not physically all that satisfying?
This is how Passion Play can be especially helpful.
Because in Passion Play, you’ll learn techniques that will show you how to take your time and feel pleasure, without it feeling boring or routine. Your partner will be able to surprise you and delight you with NEW foreplay strategies designed to slow things down while bringing you both to a level of anticipation and excitement you haven’t had probably in a long time.
You’ll learn how to have intercourse creatively and skillfully, so you’re both energized and satisfied by the act. This isn’t simply changing up positions, these are specific instructions on thrust, depth, rhythm and other considerations you may have never even imagined were an option.
Passion Play also contains instructions for how to resolve certain physical mis-matches (too big, too small), utilizing special positions so you can both enjoy lovemaking—every time, and in new ways.Transform the way you feel about sex.
Here’s an observation I’ve made over the years: The preponderance of relationship advice today is astonishing, and yet divorce rates have never been higher. One can imagine it’s because some relationship issues can’t be resolved through talking alone. Some really require a different, albeit counterintuitive approach.
My techniques are based on 3,000+ year old wisdom, and it is more applicable today than ever. My aim with Passion Play is to keep more marriages together, thus having a direct impact on both the partners AND their children.
When you start having great, regular sex as a result of the techniques in Passion Play, you’ll fight less, connect more, and discover pleasures you’ve never tasted:How Sex Can Heal You And Your Relationship
Passion Play will teach you how to have the kind of sex you’ll BOTH be aching for.
But YOU have to make a choice.
You can wait for him to come around to your way of thinking and doing things, or you can try a little experiment with Passion Play.
Because let me assure you—if you’re willing to take one small step here, you’re going to get everything you want, and more.
P.S. If YOU’RE the one who feels sexually neglected in your relationship, I have answers for you in Passion Play. The imbalance in desire is most likely related to an imbalance in your masculine and feminine energies—in both you and your partner. Here’s how to get things back on track:Feel Adored And Appreciated All Over Again