If you’re overwhelmed and stressed out, this message is for you.
And it’s really for everyone.
Because everyone is suffering from having too much to do and too many things clamoring for attention.
Finally finish a work project, and you still have 12 tabs open on your browser with articles you want to read.
If it’s not coming up with dinner, it’s going through the pile of mail sitting on the kitchen counter.
If it’s not taking one kid to ballet, it’s taking the other to soccer—and squeezing in an errand while you’re at it.
Even when you crawl into bed at night, you’re not “off.” Just as you’re falling asleep you get a Facebook notification on your phone and you just have to take a peek.
And how’s your relationship doing?
When life moves so fast and there just never seem to be enough hours in the day, making space for each other is often the first thing to go.
But letting this area of your life slip has far-reaching consequences—not just for your connection with your partner, but your entire wellbeing.
Maybe you and your partner are living parallel lives under the same roof. Your relationship has devolved into finding the tiniest tidbits of time to connect.
Maybe things are far worse, and you’re not only completely disconnected, but seriously unhappy and pondering a way out.
In either case, this is a slippery slope—when negative feelings start to outnumber good ones, it’s sometimes difficult to get back on track.
What’s more, you might start trying one of the many “tactics” people use to try to repair your relationship—and these can easily backfire.
You try “communication techniques,” but all that empathetic mirroring just leaves you more frustrated—you don’t have time to draw things out!
You plan date night or a vacation alone, but one or both of you can’t stop checking the phone or thinking about all the demands waiting at home.
Maybe you even see a couples counselor. But week after week, all you do in these sessions is blame each other.
It’s sad, but it’s true. Most of your effortful attempts to make your relationship better just end up making you feel more hopeless.
It’s also completely unnecessary.
What happens with couples who fruitlessly try hard to make their relationship work is fairly predictable:
They give up.
Either they stop trying and resign themselves to a relationship they don’t feel good about, or they throw in the towel and leave.
Either way, they’re bound to stay unhappy, because unless you’ve learned the “lesson,” you’re doomed to repeat it with another partner.
As a Chinese medicine practitioner and sex educator for over three decades, I want to shake these couples and tell them that there is a better way, and it’s one I can’t wait to tell you about today.
I want you to STOP thinking you need to work on your relationship. And I want you to try something else. Something you have no excuse not to try, because it will take almost none of your time—and yet it can make your relationship so much better.
No, I’m not asking you to have a quickie—at least not yet. (You can learn about when and how to get the most out of a quickie here.)
What I want you to do is to take just 10 seconds out of your day to just kiss your partner. 10 whole seconds.
10 whole seconds is going to feel like a long time when you’re used to darting from one thing to another.
You may be inclined to wave off this suggestion.
10 whole seconds may not feel like enough time to make much of a difference in your romantic relationship.
But those 10 seconds do something to your body—and to your partner’s body—that kickstarts an internal mechanism. This mechanism is called “chi”—the Chinese word for vital life force.
When chi is coursing through your body properly, it affects EVERYTHING—all your major organs, including your brain. It’s like taking a “happy pill” and a “love potion” at the same time.
Think of it this way: the body doesn’t need more than a little pill to start responding differently. One little pill can take your headache away or keep you from getting pregnant. That’s how potent a small amount of something can be.
A 10-second kiss is not medicinal, but it is magical. The acupuncture I’ve practiced for over 30 years isn’t traditional medicine either, and yet the effects on the body are astounding.
From simply placing certain needles in the right place on the body, I’ve helped patients FINALLY recover from lifelong ailments. And from having the right kind of kiss, your body will start to respond in naturally-healing, regenerative ways that also trigger your internal “craving” of your partner.
Suddenly, you don’t start getting so upset with your partner as much. You start laughing more. You find ways to sneak more alone time. You feel more inclined to listen to your partner, and vice versa. You feel like a team, and it feels good.
So, for the next week, practice the 10-second kiss every day. Don’t try to “work” on your relationship any other way.
I’m telling you to start with 10-second kiss because I want you to see improvement right away. It’s like going on a diet—once you see those first few pounds come off, you get a rush of excitement and confidence that makes incremental, lasting change possible.
What’s so exciting about the 10-second kiss is that it’s like having foreplay with your clothes on. You don’t even need to put your kids to bed to do it!
In my practice, I suggest that couples use the 10-second kiss as a way to reconnect at the end of the day and anytime they come together at home.
See, when you’re busy, and sex gets lost in the shuffle, it becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy: The less you do it, the less you want each other.
The OPPOSITE is also true—the more you do it, the more your bodies start to CRAVE each other. Merging your bodies actually fuels dormant passions.
It helps you and your partner reconnect and remember that the root of your love is passion. That passion has enormous value. The intimacy of kissing— sloppy kissing with tongues and all—reunites you with your mutual vulnerability and the reason you’re together in the first place.
But you only have to start with a tiny bit. And this is why the 10-second kiss is such a godsend.
It’s one of the reasons I wrote the book Passion Play—to teach you how easy it is to improve your relationship simply by focusing on the sex. Yes, JUST focusing on the sex!
Passion Play will literally ROUSE you out of your stupor and get you out of the funk. It will give you far more techniques than I can teach here to make you start gasping for each other again.
This might seem too good to be true, especially if things aren’t so hot right now. But that’s exactly my point!
Even though you may think intimacy and great sex are the happy perks of a great relationship, the opposite is true. When the sexual part is good, the rest of the relationship follows suit.
That means you don’t have to spend time doing all those other things you thought would fix your relationship. The time and energy all gets reinvested back into you.
You might be blaming yourself or your partner for your lack of desire, but as I mentioned above, it’s not you—it’s your CHI! If your chi has become imbalanced from lack of regular, great sex, you won’t WANT to do it, even if you love your partner.
But balance your chi, and the fire gets stoked again and again and again. Sex starts to feel AMAZING, and so do you.
In Passion Play, you’ll learn dozens of techniques for balancing your chi—and all in an easy, fun way. Like the 10-second kiss, you’ll learn all sorts of tricks you can fit throughout your day, so that sexuality and connection are BUILT-IN to your life.
Passion Play will show you how to get your energy back THROUGH great sex, so that you suddenly feel as if you have more hours in your day. You’ll get an eBook/audio book, plus a bonus video and my answers to the 10 most common questions about sex. You’ll learn:
It’s an amazing thing, not being able to get enough of your partner—and you’ll feel that again, even if you’ve been together for years and feel that things are “fine” as they are. Most importantly, you’ll get your life back—and better than ever.
P.S. Not making time for sex can lead to affairs, but it’s not for the reasons you might think.
See, the body is always trying to heal itself and achieve a state of balance. When sex is infrequent or non-existent, the chi in the body goes out of balance. And when that happens, your body will look for ways to restore that balance.Cheat-Proof Your Relationship