You have a terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. It’s about your relationship.
This feeling becomes stronger in the presence of couples who seem to have it better or more together than you do.
When you hear your friend tell you that she can’t keep her husband off of her, you start counting the days or weeks since you’ve had sex.
When another friend posts a picture of the roses her man surprised her with, you feel hurt that the only time you ever get anything is on special occasions—and after you’ve dropped several hints.
When your neighbors ask you to keep an eye on their house while they go on another fabulous vacation, you’re painfully reminded of how you thought your life would look, but doesn’t.
In your mind, you’re convinced that other people have more fun, more spontaneous, more fulfilling, more connected relationships than you do.
In short, you have Relationship FOMO: Fear of Missing Out on the kind of relationship you wanted—and still want.
“I don’t feel like she’s in love with me.”
“I don’t feel like I’m a priority.”
“I can’t make her happy.”
These are the kinds of comments I have heard from thousands of couples over the past 40 years.
All of them feel disenchanted with their relationships. All of them have compared their own relationships with those of their friends and families.
All of them have concluded that they want MORE.
Yet, they don’t leave. And the reason why they haven’t left is because they think they don’t have a concrete reason to. In fact, they cite a myriad of factors that makes their relationship good enough to stay:
“She’s so good with the kids.”
“My mother loves him.”
“My neighbor would have her in a minute.”
“Well, he doesn’t beat me.”
From the outside, people would think everything is fine. And maybe it was at one point. But in your heart, it just doesn’t feel good enough anymore.
If you’re at this stage of wishing you could jump out of your skin and into someone else’s relationship, chances are you’ve tried to make things better.
You’ve ordered the sexy lingerie.
You’ve tried talking about vacation budgets and destinations.
And you’ve tried to overlook the forgotten flowers on Valentine’s Day.
You’ve told yourself you should quit focusing on the negatives and start appreciating more of what you do have.
But then another voice in your head says, “Come on, this shouldn’t be rocket science. Surely two people who were once wildly in love can up their game.”
Maybe you’ve tried to communicate this to your partner, only to be met with a glassy stare, defensiveness, or a brush off.
You’ve tried to accept, to cope, to get on with it—to just stop wishing or thinking something’s missing.
But you can’t stop. Not because something’s wrong with you or your relationship—but because something IS truly missing. And it’s not what you think.
I don’t need to know anything about your particular story or circumstances to know these three things:
This is unbelievably good news for every couple!
It means that your longing for something MORE is actually a sign of an underlying (but VERY FIXABLE) relationship issue.
The even better news is that nearly every relationship issue can be traced back to only 5 underlying causes.
Each of these causes is something completely in your control to erase—but not by doing what you've been doing up until now.
There’s a reason not much has changed in your relationship, and why certain problems keep repeating, or just shape-shift—no matter how much you try to get your partner to change or even if you’ve tried to just “accept” the situation.
True change requires awareness.
You have to know what you are doing wrong to do something right.
If you don’t know what’s missing, how will you know what to add?
If you don’t know what a truly satisfying relationship looks like, how will you go about creating one?
We don’t miss what we never had.
It’s completely within your power to create the kind of relationship you’ve always envied in other couples.
It’s a matter of perspective, and knowledge.
Once you know the underlying cause of your dissatisfaction, you can go about making the changes in your relationship that will actually make a difference.
When I work with couples to help them see what’s really behind their fighting, boredom, conflicts, and disconnect, they have a huge “AHA.”
They finally “get” what’s missing, and exactly what they need to do to get their love back on track.
But I can’t possibly work individually with everyone who needs that kind of help. That’s why I’ve partnered with Flourish, so I can extend that help and guidance to as many people as possible, since almost all couples can benefit from these insights and tips.
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It’s free, it’s easy, and you’ll be amazed at what a difference the tips and insights will make in your relationship!
A relationship doesn’t need to lose passion and connection, just because you’ve been together for a long time. Just the opposite! It should get sweeter and more loving with time.
Marriage CAN be enlivening and wonderful, if you have the right knowledge and tools.
The advice contained in the articles I’ve written for Flourish will help you uncover the hidden issues that are draining your relationship of joy and passion, and help you create and maintain a strong foundation of love and respect, so that your relationship can last a lifetime.
May you have an extraordinary day,