by Christina McGhee
Splitting up can be so emotionally draining. And when you have kids together, it can become one of the most painful and confusing times of your life.
Your ex is being unreasonable, you’re spending way too much money on legal fees, and everything just feels so out of control and emotional.
You can feel utterly alone and overwhelmed. You may wonder…what’s right, what’s fair, and what’s best for your kids? You don’t want your ex to take advantage of you, and you don’t want your kids to suffer needlessly.
If you can relate, then what you’ll learn in this article will offer 2 resources that can be a tremendous help and relief to you.
As a divorce coach and parent educator having worked with families for more than 20 years, I know that no parent can be 100% prepared for the difficult challenges of a break-up or divorce. However, it’s entirely possible to get through these challenges stronger and more resilient than before—with the right roadmap.
That’s where I can help.
So let’s start with the fundamental question:
When it comes to how much time you and your ex get to spend with your kids, what’s fair?
Sometimes an equal, two-home arrangement is what’s best for kids. Sometimes it’s not.
You may have your own ideas of what’s “fair” with regard to how much time you’ll get to spend with your kids. Your ex may have different ideas.
But your children love both of you and more than anything they want to BE WITH both of you. They didn’t ask for a separation or divorce. They don’t want their lives to change. And they don’t want to lose their relationship with either parent.
Consider this…What do you think is more important to your children, that the time they spend with each parent is exactly even, or the fact that their parents won’t stop arguing about how much time they spend in each home?
So what’s the alternative?
Tip #1: What’s Best Is When Parents Support One Another’s Relationship With Children
While we could easily debate for decades about the issues of quantity versus quality, the emphasis here is clear.
Children have a right to a quality relationship with both Mom and Dad.
If you are struggling with giving ground, remember, you’re not doing it for your ex. You’re doing it for your children. Your children need a quality relationship with both parents, regardless of what seems fair to you.
Tip #2: Continuity Is Key For Kids
Your other task as a co-parent is to ensure that there is maximum continuity in your children’s lives, which means minimizing change as much as possible. Ask yourself, what was life like for your children BEFORE you split up?
To ensure your children’s happiness and wellbeing, it’s important to maintain their regular schedules and routines as much as possible.
Consistency in their day-to-day lives will help your children feel more secure while they adjust to the separation. If possible, avoid making significant changes such as moving, changing schools, or withdrawing your children from extracurricular activities that they enjoy.
Separation or divorce is a tremendous loss for a child and involves lots of changes. Don’t give them more to deal with than necessary.
Tip #3: Focus More On Your Kids Than on Your Ex
Your children can’t help but feel caught in the middle when the two of you argue non-stop. And children who feel caught in the middle typically don’t talk about how they feel. They may be worried about making you angry, hurting a parent’s feelings, making things worse, or losing your love.
Your anger and frustration with your ex over what’s “fair” can affect how you interact with your children, too. Conflict equals stress and usually lots of it. When you’re stressed, you might be short and impatient with your kids even if it has nothing to do with them.
They won’t understand why you’re being cranky, which may leave them wondering, “What did I do wrong?” as most children do. Bottom line, kids will internalize your stress and it will make them feel insecure or anxious.
In summary, what’s best for your kids is the least amount of disruption to their lives as possible, and always ensuring they feel safe and supported to love each parent.
Therefore, it’s critical that you do your best to manage your feelings, be mindful of how you communicate to and about your ex, and stay supportive of a two-home concept for your kids.
I Know This Is Hard, That’s Why I’ve Created 2 Valuable Resources That Can Help
Just like with any dilemma in life, you need advice from an expert—someone to guide you who’s been in the trenches with parents after their separation or divorce and has seen it all and heard it all!
Fortunately, I have that covered for you. I’ve spent the last 20+ years helping parents navigate some of the most pressing and common challenges of co-parenting.
RESOURCE #1:
I’ve created a short, but information-packed booklet that can help you navigate the most common and challenging issues that come up when co-parenting after a separation. It’s called Separate Yet Successful, and it’s a 33-page eBooklet that offers you fast, easy-to-understand answers to your most pressing concerns about your children, and it’s only $5.99.
The practical, simple tips you’ll get in Separate But Successful will make your life as a parent raising children after a separation or divorce easier, less stressful and more rewarding.
The strategies and insights you’ll learn will help your infants and toddlers have the kind of consistency and security they need in order to feel calm and happy.
It will help your school-aged children feel more secure in your love, and better able to deal with typical day-to-day stressors of school and social life. You’ll learn how to help them process their feelings, so they feel confident and supported.
It will help your pre-teens and teens feel less overwhelmed, and help them make better choices about their own personal relationships.
You’ll also learn tips for managing your relationship with your ex-spouse or partner, particularly if you are dealing with a combative or difficult ex, or other less-than-ideal situations, such as if your ex bad-mouths you to your children. You’ll get insights on how to make sure your children feel loved, supported and accepted no matter what the situation is between you and your ex.
You’re already juggling much more than your share of responsibilities and the last thing you have time for is spending hours and hours in family therapy sessions, or slogging through some dense child psychology book, just to get the answers to a few key questions, that’s why I’ve designed this booklet to give you the help you need in a matter of a couple of hours of easy reading.
In Separate Yet Successful I'll cover:
- What’s normal behavior for my child at her age, and what’s a sign that she’s not handling the split?
- Are my child’s discipline issues the result of the changes we’ve been through? What if they are? What should I do?
- How should I talk to my child about the separation or breakup?
- Is there anything more I can do to make sure my child feels safe and loved?
- What if I can’t communicate with my ex, let alone get along with them enough to co-parent effectively?
Help Is Here: Read “Separate Yet Successful” Now
A Practical, Affordable Solution To Your Biggest Co-Parenting Challenges
A Jam-Packed, 33 Page Guide That Will Provide You and Your Children With The Support You Need Through A Divorce Or Separation
Regular Price: $19.97
Special Price: $5.99
Buy NowRESOURCE #2:
Maybe you’re not in a position to buy my booklet this minute, or even find the time to read it. I understand, and if that's the case you can still get valuable help through my complimentary email series. This allows you to review my tips and solutions at a time that works for you.
The series is completely free and contains informative articles with tips and solutions for navigating common parenting challenges that come after a break-up or divorce.
Here’s a small sampling of topics I cover in the series to help ease your mind and make day-to-day family life smoother:
- How your kids perceive themselves and their parents after a separation or divorce, and how you can ensure that they feel loved and supported, no matter how bad your break-up was or how much of a difficult person your ex is.
- How to know if you’re making the heartbreaking mistake that parents often make with their kids when they feel isolated, overwhelmed and guilty over the break-up.
- Simple things you can do to avoid damaging your child’s sense of worth and self-esteem when you’re angry at your ex.
You’ll love the tips and guidance you’ll receive on how to help your children feel secure, resilient and happy during this challenging time for your family. And the best part? It’s totally free. Enter your name and email and you’ll receive your first piece of advice today.
Sometimes it can seem that the challenges will never end after a separation or divorce. Just as one problem gets solved, another one pops up.
But I’m here to let you know that you and your kids can thrive together. How do I know? Because I’ve coached countless families and have seen them hit the same roadblocks you’re facing right now. I’ve been heartened to see how much the principles I teach help parents bring a sense of stability and resilience to their lives.
Your children may not tell you this, but they need you right now, to do what’s best for them so they can feel safe and loved. I’m so grateful to be able to provide the insights and guidance that will help you be the parent you want to be.
Wishing you and your children the very best,
Separate Yet Successful
Christina McGhee
A Practical, Affordable Solution To Your Biggest Co-Parenting Challenges
The answers you need to best support you and your kids through a divorce or separation:
- Simple, effective tools for overwhelmed, over-stressed parents
- Ensure your children feel loved, supported and accepted… no matter what
- Practical, simple tips to make your life easier, less stressful, and more rewarding
- Effective strategies for handling your child's anger, resentment or grief
- Manage even the most impossible of exes so your kids can thrive