Do you have a dark secret?
Is this secret something you can barely admit to yourself, let alone to a guy you’re dating? Is this secret haunting your dreams at night and filling your fantasies during the day? Yes?
Let me guess…
Is your secret that you’re still hung up on or in love with your ex?
If so, you wouldn’t be alone. Many single women harbor this secret.
You may say you “want” to move on and find true love with someone who will be right for you, but deep down, you’re killing your chances at real intimacy and closeness with anyone new.
Because as long as you continue to cling to the FANTASY that the guy who dumped you will one day change his mind, break up with his current girlfriend, “see the light,” and show up on your doorstep one day begging you to take him back, you’ll NEVER really be open to letting the right man in.
Here’s how that will show up in your love life:
You’ll go on dates with dozens of guys and find fault with every one of them.
You’ll meet a man who’s into you, but you won’t feel chemistry with him.
You’ll become exclusive with a guy who’s amazing, but you’ll unwittingly sabotage the relationship.
You’ll find yourself attracted to every type of unavailable man, from married men to men with a lot of personal problems to men who are still hung up on their ex.
This can go on for months, even years.
I’ve seen women throw away perfectly good boyfriends and future husbands over some misguided idea that no guy can compare to the one guy who dumped them!
That sentence may sound ridiculous, but trust me, if you’re still hung up on that guy who dumped YOU, this is what you’re doing.
You’re also failing to appreciate the most important quality in ANY man.
You probably have fond memories of how your ex made you feel.
Maybe he wasn’t the most gorgeous man in the world. Or the smartest or most successful or the most charming. Maybe he wasn’t even all that considerate of you sometimes.
But when he showed up and connected with you, it was heaven.
He made you feel so alive, so wanted, so special.
So yes, I get it. It explains everything. He was like your personal drug. And you still need that hit.
And now, you’re comparing all the guys you meet to this one guy from your past. Some of these current guys may be decent, interesting, and perfectly nice.
Some of them may even be crazy about you.
But you’re sitting there thinking, yeah, but they’re not him.
They’re not as perfect-for-you / charismatic / sexy / confident / intense as your ex. You think the qualities your ex had are unmatchable. There was no one like him and maybe there will never be anyone quite like him.
But let me ask you this:
Don’t you think your future husband should love you unconditionally? I sure do.
If I’m building the perfect man, I’m starting here and working my way backwards:
He loves you unconditionally. He sticks by you, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, 'til death do you part.
That is the most important quality in any man.
Second most important quality? Everything else, including his height, weight, age, income, education, values, and interests. And yes, even his sexy, intangible “something.”
Your ex wasn’t flawless, after all.
His biggest flaw was that he let you get away. He didn’t love you unconditionally. He didn’t have strong enough feelings for you. He failed to stick by you, no matter what.
Therefore, if you’re holding on to this idea that someday your perfect, ideal, wildly compatible ex will wake up and see how wrong he was in dumping you and ask you to be his forever woman, you’re fooling yourself.
I say this with utter confidence because not once in the 15+ years I’ve been coaching women in love and dating have I seen a man reunite with a woman he dumped and treated badly, and go on to live happily ever after. Not once.
So, you can let go of the fantasy, and start to open yourself up emotionally for the one guy who will treat you right and want you in his life, now and always.
I know it may not seem easy, but it’s necessary, especially if you want to change the outcome of your love life.
Where does all of this leave you? You have one of two choices:
If you’re ready to move on #2, I can help you.
In chapter 7 of my eBook and audio program, Date Without Heartbreak: 10 Incredibly Common Mistakes That Keep Great Women Single, I’ll give you real-world tips and advice on how to finally let go of the illusion that is your ex, so you can become emotionally available to your future Mr. Right.
You’ll learn what to do when you think you can’t let go of the illusion, through 6 clear action steps that I know will work to bring closure to your past.
Once you take these 6 steps, you’ll feel clear, light, FREE. You’ll begin to see your ex for who he really was, versus the guy you wished he could be. You’ll finally see that he wasn’t really good for you, emotionally and otherwise, and you’ll be able to step forward confidently and without hesitation into the future, open and ready to fall in love.
Start by downloading my program, risk-free, here:Start Reading and Listening
You’ll also learn about the 10 incredibly common mistakes that smart women make that keep them single for too long, and how to avoid them.
This a collection of what I consider to be the best and most important collection of dating advice I have developed after being in the trenches as a dating coach to smart, single women for the last decade and a half.
You’ll have so many “AHA” moments in this program, and will learn so much about WHY you’ve been spinning your wheels in dating, that you’ll wonder how you’ve gone so long without knowing these fundamental truths.
It’s never too late. Today is a new day and it’s time for you to let go of the past that no longer serves you.
P.S. One of the ways that you’re remaining emotionally unavailable is when you’re treating the new guy as if he is going to hurt you.
Understandable, given your history. Your ex cheated on you. Broke up with you without warning. Withdrew and grew cold and distant and then disappeared. I know how devastating that must have been. But your new guy isn’t your ex, and treating him as if he is, is a BIG mistake. In Chapter 9 of Date Without Heartbreak, you’ll learn HOW your past is compelling you to sabotage your current relationship and what you can do to calm your fears and change your destiny in love:Find Out Here