Why Trying Tricks of “Attraction” Usually Backfires

Are you trying to figure out how to make him love you?

Or doing everything you can think of to be more desirable and attractive to that one guy you can’t stop thinking about, because he’s been acting a little indifferent toward you?

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It can feel confusing and certainly disheartening when you’ve been dating someone you think is completely your type, but they aren’t acting like they’re feeling the same way about you.

One day they are saying “yes” to everything—another date with you, being with you, physical touch, maybe even sex…

And the next day they’re saying “no”. No to seeing you again, no to those weekend plans, or not even responding to your text messages or phone calls.

You so want to be able to do something. You don’t like to feel powerless. It’s understandable!

But trying to figure out how to “make him attracted” or “how to be attractive” is a strategy that not only won’t get you what you want, it will backfire.

Here’s why…

The Disempowering Messages Women Have Been Getting And Why You Need to Ignore Them

So there you are, heartbroken, raw, frustrated that the man you thought was into you has suddenly grown cold or disappeared.

You want to be able to change that. But how?

Maybe you’ve been intrigued by certain ads or articles you’ve seen or read in magazines or the internet about how you can “magically” make a guy love you, or do things that will make him “unable to resist you”.

These messages hit on a terribly ancient and terribly painful and unhelpful message that women have been receiving for many decades.

It’s the “What can I do to make my man feel happy and secure, and how can I contort myself so that he loves me and wants me?” message.

And it’s so disempowering!

That’s because the minute you start asking yourself, “How do I make myself attractive to him?” you’re also asking:

What’s wrong with me?

How am I not enough?

What are my undesirable qualities?

How am I not feminine enough?

How did I not flirt the right way?

What’s the secret thing I need to do or stop doing to make him want me?

What these questions do is take your low self-esteem and sear it into your soul like a branding iron.

In other words, every time you focus on trying to “get” a guy by changing yourself in some way, you’re lowering your self-esteem.

You’re going to do all this stuff to be different than who you are.

  • You’re going to act more feminine than you’re comfortable with.
  • You’re going to be more assertive and flirty when you’re naturally quite shy.
  • You’re going to be less talkative, more funny, more intellectual, more athletic, less opinionated, less demanding, less sensitive, more seductive…

And it’s all going to backfire.


Because pushing down who you really are—your authentic self—is like pushing a beach ball underwater. It’s going to come up as soon as you let down your guard. You can’t keep pushing it down forever.

And pushing down your true self is also the path to pain, even if all the “tips and tricks” work and you actually end up in a committed relationship with the guy.

Yes, you read that right. You may “get” the guy, but you won’t necessarily be happy.

Even If You “Get” the Guy Now, You Could Be Setting Yourself Up for Loneliness and Pain Later

How do I know? Because as a psychotherapist I see so many clients who come to me for guidance, who say, “I’ve been in a 5, 10, 20-year marriage and I have to leave because they never saw who I was. But I put up with that because I wanted to be married.”

That’s what I hear again and again.

It is the fallout from modern love. On one hand, it’s pretending to empower women to take charge of their love life, and on the other hand, it’s dooming them to a life where they have to suppress (or contort) themselves in some way in order to be pleasing to a man.

There’s an infinitely better way to manage your love life.

It’s a way that’s going to make you love yourself, make you happier and draw you to the kind of man you’ve always dreamed about—one who accepts and loves you exactly the way you are.

These are skills and techniques I’ve been developing for decades in my career as a psychotherapist, and have taught to countless individuals in my private practice.

But I can’t possibly work individually with everyone who needs this kind of help. That’s why I’ve partnered with Flourish, so I can extend that help and guidance to as many people as possible since almost all singles who are longing to find a life partner can benefit from these insights and tips.

When you subscribe to our FREE Relationship Advice Newsletter, you get access to more articles like these, from an accomplished community of carefully selected experts (like me!).

You’ll also learn:

  • Which attractions can lead you to love, and which can lead you to pain, and the truth about sexual attraction that no one teaches us.
  • How your deepest insecurities hold the key to discovering your greatest gifts when it comes to love.
  • How to increase your level of discrimination against the people who can never make you happy or love you the way you want to be loved—and do it early on when you meet someone before you get too involved and attached.
  • The most powerful question you can ask yourself when you’re dating someone that will save you countless days or months of pain. Ask yourself this, and it will quickly reveal if the person is right for you.

Simply enter your name and email address in the box, and you’ll get all this plus much, much more.

It’s free, it’s easy, and you’ll be amazed at what a difference the tips and insights will make in your relationship!

Learning about your relationship patterns and transforming them in order to attract healthier relationships can mean the difference between years of loneliness and decades of relationship bliss. That’s because finding lifelong love is one of the greatest, most important journeys of your entire life.

And it’s one of the great privileges of my life to share what I’ve learned about this path.

The advice contained in the articles I’ve written for Flourish will help you see why you’ve been attracting certain types of relationships your entire adult life, why you may not have felt a true sense of romantic connection, and what it really takes to set your soul free in love.

I can’t wait to share all this with you!


Ken Page

Create Radically Different Results In Your Love Life

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  • What men need to fall in love
  • Unleash your power to create your dream relationship
  • The truth about chemistry and attraction
  • Claim the soulful love you were born for
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