Let’s talk a moment about THAT woman.
The one who is far from perfect yet has a man at her feet.
The one who doesn’t even read self-help books, or worry about what comes out of her mouth. The one who makes plans without her partner—and without flinching.
She doesn’t analyze her relationship. She won’t rehash what she said in her head or rehearse what she’ll tell him next.
She doesn’t spend her time coming up with thoughtful ways to surprise her beau. She might even be a lousy cook.
Yet her man is hooked…and he lets the world know about it. If it’s not the Facebook posts where he’s declaring his worship of her for the most mundane things she does, he’s cooking up a romantic weekend away. At her favorite spot.
Yes, you look upon this woman with a mixture of disgust and desire. You want THAT, but you feel utterly powerless to have it.
If there were prizes given out for “women who give their men too much,” you’d win.
The embarrassing thing is that you’ve done it for men you know don’t even deserve it. Liars, slackers, cheaters, narcissists. No matter whom you’re with, they don’t prioritize you. Your needs don’t count. And they don’t seem to mind losing you. Not one of them appears terribly excited to be with you. Or, if they did, the honeymoon was very short lived.
You wonder if maybe you’re asking for too much. If perhaps these women have something you don’t.
Maybe they inspire adoration from men in a way you can’t. You’ve never had a guy feeding you with love, time, and attention.
This kind of relationship dynamic is like a foreign language to you. You just don’t get it. You want it, but you have no idea how it even works.
If you scratch your head wondering how some women have men who put them first and go out of their way to please them, you’re probably trying to reason through your predicament—and this never works.
Let me explain.
If you haven’t found a relationship where a man makes YOU the center of his world— and organizes himself around YOU—then you’ve likely gone into the “psychology” of your pattern.
In other words, you’ve tried to analyze what could have caused your issues—and you’ve examined factors such as your childhood and early relationships.
This analyzing is common amongst the women I’ve worked with who have this pattern of bending over backwards for men.
For instance, you tell yourself that you must be like this because your mother suffered quietly with a controlling man who never put her first. Or you’ll reason that you settle for less because you were bullied in school and never “seen” for who you truly were, so you’re just doomed to play second fiddle.
Whatever your reasoning for why you are never adored by a man in the ways you want to be, if you’re trying to analyze and figure out why you have this problem, you’re essentially on a dead-end street.
There are not enough hours to figure out why your patterns developed. What’s more, even though it may feel productive to analyze, this only serves to promote a narrative of victimhood.
The only thing you have control over is how you show up in life and your relationships now. Once you change the way you show up, the people you attract change. And the BEHAVIORS you attract change.
This is why a man can be “commitment phobic” with you and then go on to marry another woman in short order. Or why when a woman “wakes up” and starts putting herself first, her man gets nervous and suddenly starts surprising her with things she likes.
You cannot control the way you’ve shown up in the past, but you can start—today—to change the way you approach relationships now.
You do not have to keep repeating your negative patterns in love. But having a totally different experience starts with recognizing that love happens through you—not just to you.
Once you learn to show up differently, different men and different behaviors enter your orbit.
The women whose men adore them aren’t special—they’re simply free of the false beliefs you hold now, and they show up in ways that naturally create relationships that feel good to them.
That’s why I’ve partnered with Flourish —a community of experts dedicated to helping you create completely different, utterly fulfilling relationships in EVERY area of your life.
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Lots of love and bye for now,