If you haven’t been in a relationship for a while, you’ve probably created a rich life for yourself.
You enjoy going out with your girlfriends and you’re always planning your next kickass adventure to some exotic place.
You spend your leisure time enjoying yoga, hiking, reading, and seeing a good movie every now and then.
Maybe you attend retreats or the occasional out-of-town seminar on topics that interest you. You like improving yourself.
This is exactly what you imagined you’d be doing at this stage in your life.
You’re smart, accomplished, and independent.
Except, there’s something missing:
A great man to share it all with.
If you’re so good at creating opportunities, why can’t you find a good man who’ll commit to you?
I’ll tell you why.
Because many of the traits that make you successful in life have little to do with being successful in LOVE.
You’d love to meet a man you’re attracted to who is also into you, but it’s not like you NEED a man.
You don’t need a man to support you financially. You don’t need a man to tell you how to run your life.
You don’t need him to tell you which restaurant to eat at, or to open a door for you.
You’ve got all that covered.
What you DO need is a man who will adore you, want you, and be a fun companion when you want to enjoy life. You need a man who will stick around, be a good listener and an equally good communicator. You want someone you’re passionate about who’s also really into you.
Is that too much to ask for?
The problem is, when you meet a man you’re excited about, he either tells you flat out he’s not attracted to you or he disappears without warning. He may tell you a few cryptic things before he checks out, like,
You seem great, but I don’t want to hurt you.
I think you’re an amazing woman, but I’m not sure I can make you happy.
You deserve a man who will love you.
Which leaves you wondering: are men intimidated by smart, independent women?
Not exactly. Allow me to explain…
When you first start dating a man, you may be impressed by certain traits he possesses. You like that he’s driven and has accomplished great things. You appreciate that he’s done “work” on himself and is competent in many facets of life.
It’s probably a turn-on for you if he makes a good living AND he’s smart, funny, and charismatic. You find yourself relishing his company and thinking about him when you’re alone.
The thing is that men—in general—don’t operate the same way.
See, the qualities you think SHOULD be attractive to a man aren’t necessarily what HE finds attractive, much less what he needs in a life partner.
Do men prefer women who are smart and accomplished? Sure.
Do men prefer women whom they respect and are their true equals? Damn right.
So why would I say that what you’re most proud of may not actually help you attract a man?
Because men have different criteria about what makes for a “soul mate” relationship.
Most men fall in love based on how you make him feel, not how good you look “on paper.”
You may be wildly attracted to tall, rich, brilliant, and charismatic men, but men tend not to get too caught up in height, earning potential, or your ability to hold court at a cocktail party.
He may appreciate your independence but he won’t crave you because of it. As a matter of fact, if you inadvertently communicate to a man that you don’t “need” him, he’ll probably agree with you, and move on.
Once you can accept that what YOU find attractive in men is not the same thing he finds attractive in you, you can finally understand what men need and get the love you deserve.
Maybe in the past, you approached dating with only YOUR needs and desires in mind. You want a certain kind of man with certain traits, and you assume that a man wants the same things.
What’s missing in this equation is the male perspective.
I’m not suggesting you ignore any of your wants and needs. What I am saying is that in order to have more success with dating, it’s important to understand what a man is really looking for, how attraction works for him, and what he’s really thinking at every stage of dating—from the very first date up through a lifelong commitment.
When you don’t fully understand how attraction works for a man, it’s easy to make the type of common mistakes that will make even the most marriage-minded guys RUN instead of wanting a commitment with you.
In case you can’t tell, I’m pretty passionate and outspoken about this topic, because in my long career as a relationship coach, I’ve seen too many great women continue to fail in love because of truly simple mistakes.
So I’ve decided to partner with Flourish—an experienced community of experts dedicated to teaching you how to finally succeed at the one thing you want most.
When you subscribe to Flourish’s FREE dating and relationships newsletter, you’ll receive truly helpful advice you can use right away to start creating a very different romantic future—with a man who feels exceptionally lucky to have found you.
I’m honored to be part of Flourish, because it means I can get my insights in front of even more women who might not have found me otherwise. Maybe that’s you. When you subscribe, you’ll learn:
I speak for not only myself, but my fellow experts at Flourish when I say this: our goal is to help you learn how to remain true to yourself while still being wildly attractive to the kind of man who turns you on—a confident, sexy, self-aware man who marches to the beat of his own drum and still treats you like gold.
Warmest wishes and much love,