When my single clients come to me discouraged because they haven’t yet found the love of their life, they all have very similar complaints.
If you’re single and haven’t had luck finding the right person, you can probably relate to at least one of these 5 common scenarios:
All of these may be reasons you’re still single. Despite spending countless hours on online dating apps, going on endless coffee dates, or being in an out of short-term relationships.
These things keep happening to you—very likely—because of an extremely common mistake most women make in your position.
This mistake is the BIGGEST REASON why the men you like, often aren’t into you, and why the men you care less about, are the ones who pursue you.
Once you learn what this mistake is, you’ll have a big “AHA” moment and you’ll know exactly what to do to turn it all around, so you don’t keep going down the rabbit hole of dating disappointment over and over.
If you’re anything like the thousands of smart, sincere singles I’ve had the pleasure of working with over the last several decades, I can probably guess that you:
You also don’t want to mention anything too specific about yourself—like your activism or your love of line dancing—for fear you won’t grab the attention of men who aren’t into those things.
In trying to present an image that’s appealing to everyone, you’re excluding appealing to the ONE person who may just be so right for you.
Instead of being a specialist, you’re a generalist.
You want to leave your options open, so you avoid being too specific about who you are.
You only put your best image “out there” and avoid saying anything on a date that may be seen as controversial, even if it’s a position you’re passionate about.
And if you meet someone who is just your “type”—witty, charming, and a great conversationalist—you spend a lot of time worrying about if he finds you attractive, and get caught up in what YOU should be doing to make him "like" you.
But when you focus so much on making a great impression, you risk getting involved with a man who isn't REALLY right for you.
You don’t stop to consider if your date is actually someone who can make you happy.
Are his values similar to yours? Does he have the ability to self-reflect? Is he able to laugh at himself once in a while?
You aren’t sure, because you're worrying whether or not you’re presenting an attractive persona to him.
Is your hair right?
Did you wear a flattering outfit?
Did he notice that pimple on your chin or did you manage to cover it up well?
Did you come across as too much of a know-it-all?
You also ignore the red flags that tell you that he’s not compatible with you because you want to be liked.
You didn’t take him seriously when he said he is trying to cut back on his drinking and pretended not to notice when he ordered a third cocktail.
You didn’t catch the snide comment he made about the food or the server.
You dismissed his statement about not ever wanting to get married again as “just fear talking.”
You were so busy worrying about him liking you, you forgot to ask the important questions that would clue you into who this man really is, so you proceed with a situation without all the facts.
When you do everything you can to show up on a date the way you “think” a man wants you to, you are unintentionally sabotaging the possibility of a genuine connection.
How does that happen? I’ll explain.
You don’t want to be rejected. Neither does your date, most likely.
Neither of you want to waste your time or get hurt.
You just want to meet someone you like and have them like you back.
Let’s say you meet someone (online or off) who is just your type, and you’re highly attracted to what little you know about them.
You have HIGH HOPES! And you show up in “self-promotion mode.”
You think of what you need to do to create attraction. You say the right things, nod and laugh when it’s appropriate and avoid doing or saying anything to turn your date off.
You’re easy-going, or pretend to be.
If your date says something that makes you cringe, you act like it doesn’t bother you and keep your opinions to yourself.
You try not to let him see your “quirky” side or your “philosophical” side, figuring that you might show that side of you at some point, but not yet.
You think that would be too much, too soon.
What you’re essentially doing, however, is.
You’re not being REAL, and therefore you can’t possibly create a REAL connection with any man you meet, because he’s not getting to know the real you.
If he doesn’t know the real you, how can he ever truly love you?
When you’re with a man you’re drawn to, you’re much more worried about making a good impression and creating attraction, and you avoid being too “real” at first—thinking he’ll get turned off.
It’s something you don’t necessarily need to worry about if you’re on a date with a man you decide you aren’t connecting with or attracted to.
With that man, you’re more relaxed about being yourself.
And then you wonder why—despite your best efforts to be as agreeable and pleasant as possible—the man you DO like isn’t asking you out again. Or why the guy you’re feeling “meh” about keeps texting you.
This is why. THIS.
Because you’re not being real with the man you like, and he knows it. He can sense it.
But you ARE being more real with the man you don’t care about.
Something to ponder:
Have you ever been out with a man who seemed to be holding back, who was a little too polite, a little too “boring,” a little too agreeable with everything? You probably didn’t feel that connected with him, right?
Also, something else to ponder:
Let’s say you DO end up in a relationship with the man you’re attracted to—around whom you were careful to say and do only things you deemed attractive and pleasant at first.
Over time, all your weaknesses and quirks will be exposed. All of his will be, too. There’s no way around this.
This is why you may end up with someone whom you think has “changed” or isn’t right for you. Or why your partner may change their mind about you after a few dates or months.
It’s because you and your partner weren’t real around each other from the start.
Imagine the safety of knowing that your mate has seen all of you—the good, the bad, and the ugly—and yet, they still think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to them.
They love you because of who you are and accept everything about you.
That’s why, contrary to what you may believe, the things you are afraid to reveal about yourself are the very keys to finding the perfect partner for you.
So, forget being a generalist.
Be a specialist, be real, be yourself, and you’ll be wildly (and naturally) attractive to the one man who’s right, and who won’t be able to stop himself from falling deeply in love with you.
What does it take to let go of the habit of always trying to make the best impression, and just be yourself?
How can you relax enough to be radically, genuinely, completely YOU?
If you could show up as your most authentic, real self on all of your dates, then you stand a much better chance of connecting with the right man and having that connection LAST.
Otherwise, if one or both of you are putting forward an image of yourself rather than your real self, you may end up in a relationship that’s in crisis years from now.
I’ve seen this happen way too often in my private practice with couples. They presented an image of themselves on date 1 that wasn’t true.
That’s why I created a program designed to teach you how to break out of your habitual, typical and hugely ineffective patterns when it comes to dating, so you can finally have success and stop wasting time dating people who aren’t going to work out.
This program is called Dating Rehab.Get It Now
When you go through the process of Dating Rehab, you’ll learn how to get to know and embrace the “real you,” and how to attract the love of your life by doing the opposite of most of the things singles do when they meet someone they’re excited about.
Forget trying to create the “perfect” online dating profile. I’ll show you how to create a profile that will attract the RIGHT person to you, and naturally weed out the wrong ones.
You’ll learn an approach to dating that is radically different than anything you’ve tried and probably opposite of most conventional dating advice.
With Dating Rehab, you’ll get the same dating method I’ve taught to the hundreds of singles I’ve worked with at my therapy office in California. You'll learn:
The men you’re meeting are just as perplexed by today’s broken dating system, and they too aren’t presenting themselves in the most authentic light.
But when you change how you show up, you change the entire dynamic. And that’s when you change the results you're getting.
Dating Rehab puts you in control of the dating process.
Instead of feeling like you’re at the mercy of your dates—where everything feels so haphazard and left to chance - you'll have a RELIABLE, predictable system you can count on.Get Real—Get Love
I’ve seen it happen time and time again with my single patients—once they start dating my way, they change EVERYTHING.
They start attracting different people—people who value them and want what they want, people who call when they say they will. Their dates have a completely different quality—with deep, meaningful conversations. Mostly, they start to actually RELAX and ENJOY the process of dating.
It’s like a domino-effect, and they no longer have to deal with all the uncertainty and angst that usually accompanies dating.
That’s why I’m so excited to be able to offer Dating Rehab to you—so that you, too, can enjoy your journey to love the way you’re meant to.
P.S.How you’re presenting yourself on those first few dates is crucial.
There are certain ways of interacting from that first hello that will set you up for a truly authentic relationship (or quickly identify the men who will never be able to create it with you):Start Here