Do you remember what dating was like when you were younger?
You probably met a guy, hung out together, had fun, maybe hooked up. In those days, you weren’t all that concerned about getting serious too soon. Marriage was something you wanted, sure, but you knew it would happen eventually.
A few years and broken relationships later, things started to feel different. It started to dawn on you that time was ticking and you weren’t going to get it back. If you wanted to settle down and have a family, you couldn’t take “someday” for granted.
Now, you’re on a mission. You don’t want to waste your time on a man who isn’t going to stick around. You don’t want to invest in a guy who doesn’t want the same things out of life.
So you’ve resolved to take a different approach to dating—a go get ’em, let’s cut to the chase approach.
From the very first date—or maybe even in messages before you ever meet—you’re sniffing out the flaws in any guy with potential.
You probe into his past to try to get some sense of his relationship track record. You ask him about marriage, kids, where he sees himself in the next 5 years. You want to know what he thinks about buying versus renting a house.
What about his friends and family? How soon will you be meeting them? You think that if he’s not eager to introduce you to his nearest and dearest, he must not be looking for a serious relationship.
In your resolve to spare yourself any more heartbreak, you subject each new guy to a battery of subtle tests.
You figure that if you can weed out the “wrong” guys as quickly as possible, you’ll get to the right ONE much sooner.
And you’d be dead wrong.
What if I told you that you could meet a fantastic, attractive, relationship-oriented guy tomorrow who will be over-the-moon excited to marry you in two years?
You’d want to go out with him, right?
Now what if I told you that same guy would be pretty unsure about you for a few months, if not more? What if this guy doesn’t say “I love you” for the first six months? What if he didn’t introduce you to his mom and dad until after 8 months?
Most women would find the idea of dating an “unsure” guy painful, yet this is how men who are great marriage prospects typically date!
If you’re going to meet and marry one of these men, you have to start from this premise:
Men do not operate the way you do—especially not when it comes to dating. At least for the first few weeks and months, a good guy is just getting to know you and figuring out how he feels about you.
And if you start trying to push his natural progression by interrogating him, you’ll only come across as fearful, anxious, and controlling.
By trying to nail down early on what the outcome is going to be, you’re effectively KILLING your chances with him.
I get it that you’ve been hurt and have had your hopes dashed on the road to love.
I know you feel that if you don’t push to make something happen with a guy, you’ll be waiting forever.
But think about this: if you do meet a guy who comes on strong, tells you he loves you right away, and makes all sorts of promises about the future, you may be dating a narcissist.
You know what narcissists do after they idealize you and tell you you’ll never be alone again? That’s right—they ultimately devalue you and leave before moving on to the next target.
But if what you really want a long-term keeper—then you need to give him TIME, the same way YOU should take time to figure out if he’s got what it takes for the next 40 years.
Time lets you observe him, listen to him, and above all, pay attention to how YOU feel when you’re with him.
When you approach dating this way—and you couple it with being warm, curious, open, and fun—something amazing happens.
You find out EVERYTHING you need to know about a man’s intentions.
It all starts with knowing how to love yourself, attract a relationship-ready man, and create a love story to stand the test of time.
It’s why I’ve joined Flourish—a group of well-respected experts who are dedicated to spreading the truth about how to create love, what makes it last, and how to improve EVERY relationship in your life.
When you subscribe to Flourish’s FREE dating and relationships newsletter, you’ll get smart, insightful advice with proven strategies. I’m pretty picky about who I keep company with, and my fellow experts at Flourish are some of the best in the field. You’ll learn about:
I want you to take back your power when it comes to relationships.
I want you to have more fun and see the world of single men as a friendly place. All of us here at Flourish come from a place of TRUTH. With truth, you’ll gain peace of mind. Confidence. Understanding of men. Understanding of what kind of man will really make you happy.