Do you remember what dating was like when you were younger?
You probably met a guy, hung out together, had fun, maybe hooked up. In those days, you weren’t all that concerned about getting serious too soon. Marriage was something you wanted, sure, but you knew it would happen eventually.
A few years and broken relationships later, things started to feel different. It started to dawn on you that time was ticking and you weren’t going to get it back. If you wanted to settle down and have a family, you couldn’t take “someday” for granted.
Now, you’re on a mission. You don’t want to waste your time on a man who isn’t going to stick around. You don’t want to invest in a guy who doesn’t want the same things out of life.
So you’ve resolved to take a different approach to dating—a go get ’em, let’s cut to the chase approach.
From the very first date—or maybe even in messages before you ever meet—you’re sniffing out the flaws in any guy with potential.
You probe into his past to try to get some sense of his relationship track record. You ask him about marriage, kids, where he sees himself in the next 5 years. You want to know what he thinks about buying versus renting a house.
What about his friends and family? How soon will you be meeting them? You think that if he’s not eager to introduce you to his nearest and dearest, he must not be looking for a serious relationship.
In your resolve to spare yourself any more heartbreak, you subject each new guy to a battery of subtle tests.
You figure that if you can weed out the “wrong” guys as quickly as possible, you’ll get to the right ONE much sooner.
And you’d be dead wrong.
What if I told you that you could meet a fantastic, attractive, relationship-oriented guy tomorrow who will be over-the-moon excited to marry you in two years?
You’d want to go out with him, right?
Now what if I told you that same guy would be pretty unsure about you for a few months, if not more? What if this guy doesn’t say “I love you” for the first six months? What if he didn’t introduce you to his mom and dad until after 8 months?
Most women would find the idea of dating an “unsure” guy painful, yet this is how men who are great marriage prospects typically date!
If you’re going to meet and marry one of these men, you have to start from this premise:
Men do not operate the way you do—especially not when it comes to dating. At least for the first few weeks and months, a good guy is just getting to know you and figuring out how he feels about you.
And if you start trying to push his natural progression by interrogating him, you’ll only come across as fearful, anxious, and controlling.
By trying to nail down early on what the outcome is going to be, you’re effectively KILLING your chances with him.
I get it that you’ve been hurt and have had your hopes dashed on the road to love.
I know you feel that if you don’t push to make something happen with a guy, you’ll be waiting forever.
But think about this: if you do meet a guy who comes on strong, tells you he loves you right away, and makes all sorts of promises about the future, you may be dating a narcissist.
You know what narcissists do after they idealize you and tell you you’ll never be alone again? That’s right—they ultimately devalue you and leave before moving on to the next target.
But if what you really want a long-term keeper—then you need to give him TIME, the same way YOU should take time to figure out if he’s got what it takes for the next 40 years.
Time lets you observe him, listen to him, and above all, pay attention to how YOU feel when you’re with him.
When you approach dating this way—and you couple it with being warm, curious, open, and fun—something amazing happens.
You find out EVERYTHING you need to know about a man’s intentions.
As a dating and relationship coach, I’ve worked with hundreds of women who all want the same thing: a lasting, committed relationship with a guy they’re excited about.
My specialty is giving practical advice that teaches you HOW to get there—by showing you how to spot the red flags, choose the right man, and come across as fun, alluring, and smart. And you can do this while being completely true to what you want out of a relationship.
In my eBook Date Without Heartbreak: 10 Incredibly Common Mistakes That Keep Great Women Single, you’ll realize how your desire to get commitment from a man can actually be driving him away.
In Chapter 5, you’ll learn how to stop coming across as “the interrogator” on a date. When you do this, you shut down a man’s ability to be present with you, which is the only way he’ll actually fall in love with you.
That doesn’t mean you can’t do what you need to do to protect yourself—and I’ll show you how, in a way that’s not coming across as anxious and desperate.
I’ll also reveal the clever and extremely effective way my wife knew exactly what I wanted out of our relationship without ever asking me outright.
You’ll also get my “magic formula” for falling in love and getting happily married (it only has two components, but you’d be surprised how many single women get this wrong and delay their happy relationship):Start Reading Or Listening Now
When you let go of trying to figure out how it all ends, you actually give the right guy the chance to fall in love with all of you. In my book, there’s no happier ending than that.
Warmest wishes and much love,
P.S. My wife and I “hung out” once a week for four weeks at the beginning of our relationship.
I didn’t take her on a traditional “date” for over a month. She never wanted to know where we were headed, never called me to check in, and never did anything except respond affirmatively when I reached out.
Would this relaxed approach to dating have driven you nuts? If so, you really need to read this:What Happily Married Women Know