The #1 Reason Women Over 40 Fail To Find Love Online

Recall a time when you decided you were tired of being single and wanted to meet your Forever Man. Not hard to do, right?

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You were so hopeful, so optimistic, so willing to put yourself out there and give it your all. Maybe you tried online dating so you could experience what so many others have: finding that one special guy to share your life.

You spent hours reading profiles and swiping, finally getting the nerve to choose a few pictures of yourself you could even consider posting online, getting your hopes up…only to be let down when you receive few or NO responses.

Or if guys did reach out, they were, shall we say…less than exciting. WAY less.

Or maybe you went on a couple of coffee dates, only to feel totally underwhelmed. Or worse—you felt a connection but never heard back from those men again.

After a few months of this, exhausted and frustrated, you decided that online dating sucks.

You concluded that for you, it was a waste of time. Not to mention the whole experience only made you feel WORSE about yourself, not better.

It made you feel worse about men, too. The good ones seemed only interested in younger, skinnier, needier women. The REALLY good ones must not really exist because they never responded.

Your dream of meeting that one perfect guy pretty much blew up the moment you went online.

This is a heartbreaking situation, especially for a grownup woman like you. The last thing you need is to feel like a silly teenager who’s been stood up and rejected!

I get it.

I went through this, too, FOR DECADES until I was in my LATE 40s. It was awful.

But then I learned the secret to navigating online dating, and at 47 met my husband online. Now, after a decade helping hundreds of other women over 40 succeed in online dating and finally find their One Special Guy, I can give you good news:

Your experience is common…but it’s completely avoidable!

You CAN find your One Special Guy online.

In fact, it’s the best—and sometimes the ONLY—way!

If you’re intrigued, keep reading, because in this article, I’m going to tell you what I see as the #1 reason women over 40 fail with finding love online, and what you can do if you haven’t had much success with online dating.

You Have So Much Wisdom And Experience, But THIS Online Dating Thing Has You Befuddled

I have the sense that you’re a smart woman with a lot of wisdom and experience behind you. You’ve been through a lot in your life. Am I right?

You’ve worked your butt off to gain the respect of your colleagues, or to nail those oh-so-important clients.

You’re TOUGH, you know you are.

You’ve been through breakups, maybe divorce, ailing parents, recessions, layoffs, major moves, health issues—and you’ve handled it all on your own.

As a mature, grown-up woman, you wouldn’t trade any of those challenges for the self-assurance and resilience you now feel in almost every aspect of your life, EXCEPT THIS.

Except online dating.

You Don’t “Get” How Online Dating Seems To Work For Everyone Else But You

You’ve given online dating a chance, but if you’re like so many women over 40, it’s been nothing short of discouraging.

You hate sending out heartfelt messages and carefully-crafted notes only to hear NOTHING back from any of the men you contacted.

After a few days of no responses, you figure out what that means: “You’re not my type.” Which you know to mean, “You’re too old, too independent and by the way, not attractive enough.” It makes you want to dig a hole and crawl into it. Or give up on men altogether!

You dread getting online only to see messages from men you’d never want to go out with, OR no messages at all!

You ask men you’re interested in if they want to meet, and all you get is NO.

No response, no thank you, no interest!

Each time you get one of those “No’s” it’s like being beat on the head with a stick, and the stick gets bigger every time.

It exhausts you, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

The positive attitude you started with at the beginning dwindles.

So here’s what typically happens…

One more slap of the stick from another “no”, and you’re done! You give up. You decide online dating isn’t for you. You hide your profile, delete your account, cancel your membership, and you walk away.

At first, it’s a relief. No more rejection, no more “no’s!”

But Other Options For Meeting Single Men Are Even More Scarce

You’re relieved that you don’t have to deal with that dreaded online dating, but you admit you have no idea how you’re ever going to find Mr. I Love You if you’re not meeting any good single men where you live, going about your normal routine.

So—you either throw yourself into work, your girlfriends and your hobbies, resigning yourself to being happy as a single woman. But that doesn’t always work. (I know, I went through this!)


You begin a new cycle when you find a new site or app to try, and once again you go from “I will meet someone this time” to a few weeks later thinking, “This isn’t for me! It’s hopeless!”

You start, you give it your best, you give up, you stop. Each time you lose more energy, motivation and hope.

And that brings me to the #1 reason women over the age of 40 fail at online dating:

They don’t stick with it long enough and they give up when it starts to feel too hard.

They allow the “NO’s” to beat them down.

Do YOU feel beat down, too?

Do you believe that men are shallow and inconsiderate?

That you’re too much of one thing (too smart, too independent) and not enough of something else (not skinny enough, young enough)?

That online dating is for younger people, and you’re just “kidding yourself” about your ability to find a great guy?

That you have better things to do than set yourself up for rejection?

But here’s the thing…

It’s NOT Rejection Because You Can’t Be Rejected By Someone Who Doesn’t Know You

The only thing that guy online knows about you is 20 sentences, answers to a questionnaire, or a few photos you posted.

If they don’t “pick” you, or don’t answer your email, take a deep breath and remember: There are 1000 reasons a guy won’t be interested and 999 of them have nothing to do with YOU.

They want someone who looks like their ex, someone who skis, someone without kids, who lives closer, etc. These things have absolutely nothing to do with who you are or even what you look like.

The way I see it, it is better he NOT chose you and waste your time. He’s helped you avoid heartache and disappointment later.

And let’s be honest, there are a myriad of reasons YOU reject guys online as well. You wouldn’t expect them to take it personally and feel all crappy about it, right?

TRUTH: Online rejection is not TRUE rejection.

You don’t have ANY relationship with these men. You only know one zillionth of who they are, and have maybe swapped swipes, a couple of messages, or maybe a phone conversation or two.

Mastering the art of REJECTING rejection will most certainly help you stay online long enough to find your true love.

This is exactly how I did it and millions of others have, too!

You learn how to effectively manage your feelings, and use this (online dating) as the powerful tool it is to lead you to love.

It’s not hard to do, and it can make all the difference between you giving up again after a few days or weeks, or sticking to it long enough to:

  • Have fun
  • Meet lots of kind, wonderful, appropriate men
  • Learn new things about yourself
  • Get on track to falling in love with that one perfect guy

You CAN learn these skills, and you don’t have to navigate this alone.

The Secret To Rejecting Online Rejection So You Can Finally Find Love Online

I became a first-time bride at 47.

During my single years, I went through it all…

Focusing on finding The One as my top priority in life…

Then, when it didn’t happen to become ambivalent to the point of thinking, “Hey…I don’t need a man anyway!” (That’s when burying myself in my career really came in handy.) And then, after months or sometimes years of being super single, I’d loop right back around to wanting to find love so badly it became almost an obsession!

I exhausted myself on that hamster wheel for decades, until I finally had THE most major Ah-Ha moment of my life:

My single status had to do with ME.

I was the only thing that was consistent in all my dramas and disappointments.

I realized that I would have to learn a whole new way of doing everything if I was going to finally find that one man to go all-in with. Learning how to use online dating differently was definitely one of those things I had to learn all over again!

After 7 years of being online on and off…with horrible results…I committed to doing things DIFFERENTLY, and that’s when I met the man who would become my husband.

For the last decade, I’ve had the honor of helping women like you use online dating to find love.

It all STARTS with rejecting online rejection so that you can have the mindset and perseverance it takes to be successful.

I’d love to help you, too, but since I can’t possibly work with every individual who needs this kind of help, I’ve partnered with Flourish so I can extend that help and guidance to as many women as possible.

When you subscribe to our FREE Relationship Advice Newsletter, you get access to more articles like these, from an accomplished community of carefully selected experts (like me!).

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  • The 3 principles of online dating that will help you stay motivated and inspired, no matter what bad experiences you’ve had with online dating and how hopeless you feel now.
  • The 1 pitfall women commonly fall into with online dating because they don’t understand the psychology of mature, relationship-minded men…and how to avoid it.

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Bobbi Palmer