How do you know if you’ve finally landed in the right relationship?
I’ll give you a few hints:
It doesn’t have to do with whether you’ve met him online or in real life.
It’s not about how awesome things are in the bedroom. As a soulfully sensitive woman, doing the deed is always other-wordly. Own it!
(Soulful sensitivity is a personality typing that’s more commonly known as “High Sensitivity“ and people of this type are referred to by psychologists as HSPs or Highly Sensitive People.)
It’s also not about how quickly he introduces you to his friends or starts talking about the future. (And warning—players have a supreme knack for pulling off “instant intimacy” to automatically get you in bed.)
It’s not even about having compatible lifestyles. I’m a vegan and my hubby took me to a hotdog stand on our first date. I don’t want to even tell you how many years ago that was.
In fact, another hint is that this is something you’re likely deathly afraid of, and avoid it at all costs.
But without it, your relationship is probably on rocky ground. So what is this criteria for relationship gold?
Drum roll, please.
This is big. No, really. Your relationship MUST have this, or else…
So I’m “bigging it up” on purpose, because if you remember this, your journey as a soulfully sensitive woman will be SO much easier.
Ok, ready? The first thing I want you to look for is:
In fact, a healthy, loving, secure, strong relationship is ONLY built through withstanding conflict and difficulty.
I really want you to take this in, because it pretty much encapsulates everything you need to know about lasting love.
Think about this…
How do you feel safe with a man? It’s not after you’ve known him for a few hours and flirted, even though as a sensitive woman you’re so impacted by connection that you’re often tricked into thinking a man is IT, fast.
In reality, you only feel safe—both of you—after you’ve gone through difficulty—had a misunderstanding, hurt each other’s feelings somehow, or disagreed on something really important—and the two of you haven’t gone anywhere.
Typically, soulfully sensitive women feel a lot of fear about sharing their emotions or doing something that could upset their partners and potentially disrupt the bond.
Because YOU feel things so much, you conclude that a man must be that way, too.
So you’ll tip-toe around him and be all chill and “go with the flow” even though your insides are twisting themselves up in knots.
Not for you, or for your relationship.
In other words, what you THINK you’re trying to accomplish—a solid, secure relationship—by hiding your feelings is actually backfiring, big time.
By holding back your authentic self and pulling in the reins on potential problems, you’re actually shortchanging your relationship.
You’re keeping you and your guy from building those relationship muscles that ultimately hold your awesome union tightly together.
Therefore, the other criteria for relationship gold is:
If you never speak up, you’ll never know whether your relationship is strong or not. You won’t find out if this is a guy who will stick around despite the inevitable hiccups, and life changes, that ANY long-term relationship will face. (In other words—if he REEEEEEALLY loves you!)
And, to make matters worse, if you’re not being real about what you want and need, odds are you’ll fall out of love WITH HIM, because you won’t actually BE there at all…just the shiny, smiling, fake shell of you, which isn’t going to help your spirit stay engaged in this relationship over the long haul.
You’ll start to feel dead inside…
But the more real you are, and the more he sticks around and can handle it, the safer you’ll feel that it’s okay to speak up, and the more connected to him you’ll become.
I know it’s verrrry tempting—especially for you—to keep quiet. You think staying on his “good side” is way better than risking tension.
But the tension is going to be there no matter what—because whatever you resist, persists. (And because life is full of it!)
If something’s bugging you, it’s going to make itself known. You’ll either turn passive aggressive with your man or your “hidden” feelings will show up in the form of stress, headaches, depression, sluggishness, you name it—all of which take their toll on you and the relationship anyway.
Now imagine what happens if you take all those feelings stuck inside you and let your man in on them. If he’s the real deal—if he really loves you and this relationship is built to last—then you’ll start relaxing more and more, so that you feel the safety that has eluded you until now.
The catch? You can’t just explode all over him, or be disrespectful in any way. You have to communicate effectively.
Isn’t it refreshing to know that the conflict you’ve been afraid of is actually the very thing that will make your relationship last a lifetime?
It’s time to stop fearing that you’ll “mess things up.”
No more worrying that if things aren’t perfect, they’ll fall apart.
Communicating your needs will make your relationship MORE connected, not less—where you both feel safe to express yourselves and have a level of honesty that lasts a lifetime.
This is where the real love is, and where relationships are worth all the discomfort, annoyances, and work healthy relationships require.
I’m super passionate about helping women—especially soulfully sensitive ones—overcome the obstacles getting in the way of a loving relationship.
There are so many women I couldn’t reach on my own in order to share the truths and insights it’s taken me decades to compile.
That’s why I’ve decided to partner with Flourish—an experienced community of experts dedicated to teaching you how to succeed in having amazingly happy and healthy relationships—of all kinds!
When you subscribe to Flourish’s FREE dating and relationships newsletter, you’ll receive truly helpful advice you can use immediately to start creating a very different romantic future—with a man who honors you and wants to create a future with you.
I’m thrilled to be part of Flourish, because it means I can get my insights in front of even more women who might not have found me otherwise. Maybe that’s you. When you subscribe, you’ll learn:
Our goal at Flourish is to help you work through the ups and downs of relationships to come out stronger on the other side.
I hope you’ll subscribe so I can share some of my best tips and tools with you!