When you long to be in love, be married, or have a family, there’s nothing more frustrating or sad than being disappointed by love and STILL being single when you don’t want to be.
There was a time in my life when I was in a similar place of confusion and despair, and I know what it feels like.
I know how much effort you’ve likely put into being open-minded and available to potential partners. Maybe you’ve been online and have dated a lot of people, but haven’t connected with anyone who feels “right.”
Maybe you’ve had your heart broken. Or have had to break a few hearts yourself.
You don’t enjoy this aspect of being single. Believe me, I know from personal experience how much it hurts when well-meaning people ask, “Why are you still single? You have so much going for you!”
Oh boy! How we wish we knew!
At the age of 41, I had no boyfriend. No prospects, even. All I had was a yearning to be in love and have a family.
Then, one day, I had a personal breakthrough which led to a transformation that changed everything for me.
Before my 42nd birthday, I was engaged, and two years later, I gave birth to my daughter.
If you’re feeling hopeless that you’ll ever find real love or get married and have a family—keep reading.
Because in this article, I’ll reveal what happened to me that fateful day I had a breakthrough, and how it led me to discover a powerful process that not only helped me generate the love I wanted, but has helped thousands attract love, too.
I’m confident that once you learn about this process, you’ll feel relieved and hopeful that you, too, can fall in love with your soul mate at last.
When I was 19 I had a boyfriend who, after seeing my nurturing and caring nature, told me that it would be a tragedy if I never had children.
Those words would come back to haunt me 20 years later.
By the time I was 40, I’d had a lot of relationships, but I had not yet met anyone I wanted to marry or who wanted to marry me.
I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
Why wasn’t anyone proposing to me? Why weren’t any of these men I loved asking me to be the mother of their children?
I would have preferred being divorced! Because even being divorced seemed like a more desirable alternative to this chronic alone-ness. At least I could say that someone had wanted me, it just didn’t work out. Then I wouldn’t feel so… unwanted.
Looking back at my love life, I could see the pattern.
They were unavailable to fall in love or stay in love with me because they were workaholics or alcoholics. Or, they were committed to another woman. Or they were secretly gay. Or, they were afraid of committing to anyone because they had commitment issues. Or, they were in prison. (No joke! I worked as an art therapist in a prison for several years and some of the inmates tried to seduce me.)
I wish I could say that available men found me unattractive or something, but in reality, so few available men came into my life that I don’t know what might have happened.
I’d berate myself for getting involved with losers or for entangling myself in yet another drama, but I did it for one reason and one reason only: I hated being alone.
I couldn’t help getting drawn in by men’s desire for me, even though, much of the time, I knew from the start that it wasn’t going anywhere.
Did I already mention that I hated being alone?
Which is why what happened after my next break-up drama rang with irony.
Ironic or not, it led me to finally take a long, hard look at myself and realize I had been the author of my 20-year-long, sad love story.
Are You the Author of Your Sad Love Story?
Around the time I was 41, I got involved with a man named Daniel, who was a widower after a long and happy marriage. I should have known I was just his transitional relationship, but of course, I thought he would come to his senses and see how good I was for him.
I pretended that his crumbs were good enough for me. In a way, he was a step up from many of the men I had dated, so it wasn’t difficult to go along with the lie.
When he asked another woman out for New Year’s Eve, I finally got the hint. I wasn’t his soul mate, and he wasn’t interested in being mine.
I was heartbroken. AGAIN.
I did what most women do. I called my best friend to complain!
She was patient and listened to my story, as she always did. That day, however, her response froze me in my tracks.
I had so longed for a healthy, committed partnership with a man whom I could love and respect that I hadn’t even considered that I might actually be invested in being alone.
I was a psychotherapist. I thought I knew my “issues” backwards and forwards. I thought I had all my past breakups figured out. I thought I had MYSELF figured out.
And yet, her question held a ring of truth for me like nothing else before.
I mean, you think you know yourself and then someone says one little thing and the entire universe opens up, and suddenly you see clearer than ever before, yes?
The more I sat with it, the more I realized…
That it was true. I loved my freedom.
I loved not being accountable to anyone.
I loved keeping my options open.
In fact, I had to admit that the thought of being emotionally dependent on someone terrified me.
Further, I saw all the ways I had been unconsciously making choices that were resulting in me continuing to be alone, not having to be vulnerable, where I didn’t have to compromise, and where I always had options.
I also knew for a fact that I wanted to be in love and married WAY MORE than I wanted all those other things.
And that if I wanted things to change, I had to make some changes.
So I got to work.
I began by setting an intention for an outcome that seemed virtually impossible at the time.
There I was, no boyfriend, no prospects, but I was determined that by my 42nd birthday, I would be engaged. To say that I was optimistic was an understatement.
That was only 8 months from the day I set my intention!
No matter. I started making space in my life for a husband. I cleared out closets, threw out old photos of boyfriends, and tore up old love letters.
While I was doing all of this, there was a man I met six years prior, whom I wondered about often, named Mark. We had some chemistry when we first met. Our timing had been off, though, so it never went anywhere.
I had seen him only once in the last six years, but for some reason felt shy about approaching him.
As part of my intention to put myself “out there,” I joined an online dating site at the suggestion of another friend. My head swam as I scrolled through thousands of profiles of single, available men in my city.
Would I be able to find a soulful love in this ocean of possibility?
I was overwhelmed. There were so many people around me looking for love.
Could I find The One among so many lonely hearts?
Little did I know magic was about to take place.
I entered my age, religion, and a few other logistical preferences, and my search narrowed to about 80 men, some with photos, some without. I selected an anonymous profile (without a phone!) that captured my interest because the man who wrote it sounded happy, healthy, and truly ready for love. I wrote him an email.
The next evening, I received an email reply with the man’s real name. To my amazement, it was Mark.
It was a small miracle that among the thousands of profiles online, I selected his.
Several days later, there I was, sitting across from the kind, bright, gentle man who would become my husband. I was no longer afraid of love. In fact, I was so excited at the prospect that I went home and excitedly shared the news with my supportive girlfriends, “I just had a date with the man I’m going to marry!”
Eight months later, we were engaged and had a baby together within a year of getting married.
I attribute this miracle to the breakthrough I had about how I’d been sabotaging myself all those years—getting in my own way—through the unconscious stories about myself that I clung to from the time I was a child.
These stories led me to making certain choices, falling into familiar patterns, and then calling it fate.
It wasn’t fate that I had been alone all those years. It was simply my way of staying true to the story.
What stories are you perpetuating in your life that are creating or blocking your love destiny?
It’s time to find out.
There’s a big difference between saying you want to find love, and being truly available for love in your mind, heart, and soul.
It took me two decades to figure this out about myself, and I’m so grateful that I did.
You need not spend years in therapy or thousands of dollars figuring out your “issues.”
You just need to SEE your patterns right now, and then CHOOSE new, empowering actions that will change how you experience dating, love, relationships, and commitment.
I’m so grateful to be able to help you on your journey, and wish you all the best in finding, attracting, and keeping The One.
Lots of love and bye for now,
P.S. You may feel afraid of even wanting a loving, happy relationship, because you’ve been so disappointed by lovers in the past. I know how much disappointment hurts.
However, being aware and turning away from that cynical part of your mind, and into a realm of desire and possibility again is KEY to manifesting that soulful, amazing love that’s waiting for you.