Parenting

End the Crazy-Making Cycle of Misbehavior, Whining, and Meltdowns

Learn the Parenting Secret that Inspires Your Child to Cooperate Without Bribery or Punishments
You CAN have a light-hearted, enjoyable relationship with your child. Even if you’ve tried everything to get your child to behave, this game-changing approach ends the tantrums and tears and inspires your child to WANT to please you.

What if parenting was easier and more fun? Allow yourself to imagine life with your kids without constant arguments, stress, or negotiations.

There would be lots of laughter and affection.

You’d share in the joys of your child’s explorations, easily navigating life’s ups and downs.

You’d delight in your children, their sweet or quirky personalities and their unique view of the world.

And they would see you as their safe harbor—the one to turn to when they needed a cuddle, or were hurt or troubled. They would confide in you—because they trusted you with their innermost struggles and their happiest successes.

Your children would come to you for guidance, when they were confused or scared, to pour their hearts out in your loving presence, because you would know just how to make them feel better.

Susan Stiffelman, MFT

Licensed Marriage, Family and Child Therapist, author, and speaker

Your children would want to please you, not because it was expected of them or because they feared punishment, but because they felt deeply connected to you.

Even when they were tired, cranky, or upset, you’d have the emotional resources within you to help them become calm.

Family life wouldn’t always be perfect or uncomplicated, but the sweet times would far outnumber the not-so-sweet ones. Ordinary family life would be an ongoing adventure, a gift you weren’t expecting that you couldn’t wait to open.

You’d worry less, relax more.

In time, your children would blossom into compassionate, confident adults. Their unique gifts and talents would contribute to a more beautiful and kind world.

As they moved into adulthood, they’d stay in close contact with you because they enjoyed your wisdom and company.

One day, you may even hear them tell you:

“I’m so grateful for how you raised me. You allowed me to be me, and made sure I always knew that I was loved.”

Sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? It’s certainly the picture of family life you might have imagined you’d have, before you had kids.

But for most of us, parenting can feel so the opposite of what we had imagined and hoped it would be.

Parenting Is Perhaps the Most Important and Meaningful Thing You’ll Ever Do In Your Life…and One of the Most Difficult

For most of us, parenting can be bittersweet.

Yes, there are the occasional tender moments where your children are happily playing and engaged, and cooperate on chores without too much resistance.

But too often, you’re scrambling to deal with the latest meltdown and tantrum.

There are days when your children seem to fight you on everything…getting up for school, cleaning up their mess, eating their dinner, brushing their teeth, doing their homework, or playing nicely with their siblings.

When you’ve had a long and exhausting day, the last thing you want to deal with is whining, combative, uncooperative children.

So, you put up sticker boards and bribe them with screen time, treats, and later bedtimes—anything—if they would please, please just listen, stop grumbling, and for pete’s sake, pick up your toys!

You feel like you’re going lose your mind sometimes.

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Kids: They want what they want, when they want it.

There are punishments and time-outs and the endless taking away of privileges, until they’re complaining and crying about how boring it is, and there’s nothing to do.

Those are the times you tell yourself you need to…

Keep your cool.

Breathe.

And don’t give in!

But they push and push and push. They know just how to push you, too. Like no one else!

You try to hold your ground but you feel yourself unraveling by the second, and then it happens…

They blurt out, "I hate you!"

That’s when you lose it. You yell, you scream, you lash out.

And those are the times when parenting feels like the hardest thing in the world.

You love your kids so much, but you can’t stand the person you become around them sometimes. You feel like you can’t do anything right, and nothing you try works for long.

But It’s Not Our Fault…Because We Weren’t Shown the Tools That Make Parenting Easier and More Enjoyable

The majority of us never had formal training on how to parent effectively. We just do what was modeled for us by our parents, caregivers, our friends’ parents and maybe a little bit of what we saw on TV growing up.

We may even catch ourselves saying the same things to our kids that our parents said to us.

“Don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about!”

“Stop whining and do what I ask.”

“I know it’s not fair. Life’s not fair.”

“Keep it up and I’m going to stop the car and you’re going to walk home.”

“Why? Because I said so, that’s why.”

And maybe when we hear those familiar words slipping off our tongues, we may wonder:

I didn’t like hearing that when I was a kid, so why am I repeating it to my kids?

Yet, here we are, repeating what we grew up with.

We can’t help it. It’s almost impossible to do things differently unless you are shown a different way, or are taught better tools.

Confetti

For most of us, however, the approach we take with our children when they’re misbehaving or acting out doesn’t always work.

Instead of fostering cooperation and positive feelings, we do and say things that make our children more upset.

The 2 Parenting Approaches That Only Lead to MORE Frustration and Conflict

When our children are happy and calm, we are happy and calm. But when they have meltdowns or act disrespectful, it’s normal for us to feel ungrounded and upset.

We want to get the situation under control as soon as possible. We want our children to see us as the authority with the final word. At the same time, we want them to like us, too.

It’s because of this soup of conflicting needs that we fall into one or both of these modes of parenting when our children act out:

1 Lawyer Mode

Our child wants something or is doing something we don’t like. We try to gain control of the situation with logic and reason, hoping that will convince our child that their behavior is unacceptable. This is using the “Lawyer” mode of parenting, and a typical conversation may go something like this with your child:

Child Eating Ice Cream

“Daughter: I want ice cream.”

“You: Not right now. After dinner.”

“Daughter: But I want ice cream now!”

“You: If you eat ice cream now, you’ll spoil your appetite and won’t want to have dinner.”

“Daughter: I promise I’ll eat my dinner.”

“You: You say that, but remember last week when I let you have those cookies? You didn’t eat your dinner afterwards.”

“Daughter: But I want it!”

The problem with Lawyer Mode is that using logic and reason rarely works on a child, especially one who is upset, tired, or cranky. Children don’t operate in logic mode, they operate from their feelings. They want what they want because they’re feeling something.

Therefore, using logic, especially on a young child, only makes her more agitated and defiant. She isn’t listening to your logic and reflecting on its merit. What she experiences is your “no” when her entire body and mind is telling her “yes” (or vice-versa).

2 Dictator Mode

Dictator Mode kicks in the moment you sense that Lawyer mode has failed. Explaining things to your child isn’t working. Now, you just want the whining to stop. You switch to Dictator Mode to try to gain control of the situation, thinking that your authority will make her comply:

Smiling Mother and Child

“Daughter: But I want ice cream now!”

“You: Ok, that’s it. You need to go to your room right now.”

“Daughter: Noooooo!”

“You: Yes. Right now, or else there’ll be no more ice cream, ever!”

Uh oh! it’s not working!

Dictator Mode only escalated the situation and made you and your child more upset. She’s hurt that you’re not listening. She’s frightened because you’ve not only stopped listening, you’ve changed your tone and are angry. She may cry, stomp her feet, tell you that you’re mean or even go to the refrigerator to help herself to that ice cream you told her she can’t have.

At this point, you’re no longer interested in trying to appeal to her logic or her respect of your authority. You see her defiance as a personal affront. How dare she?

You get so angry that you lose control. Something else takes over.

You yell and scream. You call her a brat.

Maybe you even spank her.

And you feel terrible about it later. You feel guilty, remorseful, and ashamed of losing control.

Confetti

What can we do instead of devolving into either of these two modes?

What is a more effective way of being so that our child calms down, listens, and cooperates with us?

I have the answer…

The Key to Steady, Calm Parenting That Results in Cooperation and Harmony

Neither the logic of Lawyer Mode or the heavy-handed approach of Dictator Mode works to get you the household harmony you want. Yelling and spanking obviously doesn’t work, either.

These modes don’t work because your child intuitively senses that you are not steadily in control. You’re trying to coax certain behaviors out of them and the energy you’re putting forth is either desperation or neediness.

When you’re being the Lawyer or the Dictator, your child senses they can ignore, resist, or manipulate you.

So, if those two modes of parenting don’t work, what does?

The parenting mode that has the power to make you feel the most calm and centered and inspires your children to relax and cooperate is the mode I call being the Captain of the Ship.

Child Holding Chalkboard Sign

When you take on the persona of “Captain” with your children, they know there’s a grown-up in charge. They get the sense that in every way—bodily, intellectually, and emotionally—their caregiver is sturdy enough to manage and contain whatever storms of childhood they are passing through.

The Captain is calm, present, engaged in whatever is happening, but unwavering as to the course he or she has decided upon.

The Captain is deeply attached with the child—meaning, they can sense what the child is experiencing and have empathy.

The Captain isn’t needy or desperate. The Captain never loses control even when the child does.

The Captain doesn’t need the child to behave a certain way in order to feel like they’re succeeding as the parent. The Captain has confidence in their ability to navigate the unpredictable seas of childhood, allowing the child to feel protected and safe.

The child experiences the Captain as sturdy, loving, alpha-energy. Nothing can faze the Captain.

The Captain doesn’t have to resort to bribes or engage in battles to get cooperation. Children look up to the Captain as the leader, not the feared tyrant or the disrespected pushover.

The Captain is loved, respected, and honored and therefore inspires cooperation, respect, and loyalty.

The Captain creates the conditions that make it possible for a child to have joy and fulfillment, so his or her unique gifts can always shine though.

It is the one approach to parenting that is a game-changer.

How do I know? Because I’ve taught this approach to thousands of clients over years and I’ve seen it bring parents and children on the same page to create functioning, happy families.

Introducing Parenting Without Bargains, Battles or Bribes, a Program That Will Show You How to Raise Sweeter, Happier, Cooperative Children

I understand the frustrations and joys of parenthood. I would sometimes lose my cool with my son, even though I had plenty of tools at my disposal. Kids push our buttons, no matter how well prepared we may think we are!

What I’ve learned through my own parenting journey, as well as my own research and feedback from parents, is that trying to change a child’s behavior through coercion and punishment rarely works. It doesn’t work long-term to garner more harmony in the house, and it doesn’t help you develop the kind of relationship you want to have with your children.

There was one thing that did have consistently positive results, and that was knowing how to be the Captain.

When I showed parents how to become the Captain, it miraculously altered their relationship with their children for the better. Not just in the moment—but for many years to come, well into adulthood.

Parents reported that family life was more enjoyable. Their children got better at solving minor problems on their own. There was less backtalk and fewer meltdowns.

Over time, they saw their kids grow up to become well-adjusted adults with healthy boundaries.

These strategies were so successful and popular with my clients, that I decided to develop a program that could be accessed online so parents anywhere could learn this approach and enjoy the same benefits with their children. I call this program Parenting Without Bargains, Battles or Bribes.

This video program will show you how to stop relying on ineffective negotiations, rewards and punishments to change your child’s behavior, and instead learn to become the Captain and inspire their trust and cooperation naturally.

In Parenting Without Bargains, Battles or Bribes, you’ll learn the counterintuitive approach to parenting that will amaze you with how quickly and easily you get your child’s attention and cooperation in tense moments, with the added benefit of strengthening your relationship with them for the rest of your life.

You’ll learn the 6 ways to change your child’s behavior through building the bond you have with your child first, so no coercion or threats are necessary.

Your child will feel more loved, understood, and seen than ever before, and you will feel calmer and more present with each interaction you have.

You’ll also be thrilled to discover a 3-step approach that will stop whining and outbursts in seconds so you can get your sanity back. This isn’t about indulging your child or being a pushover, either.

Instead, this approach allows your child to experience healthy emotions and boundaries, so they grow up to be empathetic, responsible adults.

You’ll also learn “Act One Parenting”—a non-traditional, counterintuitive approach to parenting that allows you to calmly get to the bottom of what your child is experiencing, so you can parent more compassionately and effectively.

The approach to healthy, balanced parenting contained in this program will show you how to heal the relationship with your child, no matter how many tears have been shed, and how many sleepless nights you’ve had.

You’ll enjoy parenting again, and it will feel magnitudes easier.

It’s all possible with my Parenting Without Bargains, Battles or Bribes program, which contains:

  • A 6-hour video where I’ll show you how to use a counterintuitive, non-traditional approach to parenting that puts you in a calm, leadership role and allows your children to feel safe, nurtured, and understood while getting them to cooperate without bargains, battles, or bribes.
  • You’ll see me working with real parents, listening to their concerns, answering their questions and explaining how other approaches to parenting work or don’t work, and why.
  • A workbook containing the insights, strategies, and action steps in the program, so you can follow along and chart your progress.
  • An audio-only version of the program, which you can take with you on the go, or listen from the privacy and comfort of your couch.

You’ll also receive ongoing support and inspirations through our Free Flourish Newsletter. It’s packed with advice, insights and practical strategies from our curated community of experts.

In This Game-Changing Program, You’ll Also Discover:

  • The #1 reason parenting often feels so difficult and why we feel out of control when our child is defiant or has a meltdown, and how understanding this can offer you solace and comfort that you’re NOT a bad person or a failure
  • “Act One Parenting”: A non-traditional, counterintuitive style of parenting that allows you to slow things down and get to the bottom of what’s happening with your child, so you can parent effectively and your child recognizes you as the Captain of the household
  • Practical strategies for raising happy, cooperative children without giving in to every whim or unreasonable demand or exhausting yourself with discipline
  • A mental strategy for feeling better about yourself as a parent even when things aren’t going well or you’re having setbacks with your child
  • What to say or do instead of resorting to bribes and threats when your child is misbehaving so that you can keep your cool and get the child to cooperate because they want to, not because they have to
  • 6 immediate and practical ways to repair the damage in your relationship with your child if they are unruly, keeping secrets, ignoring you, or being disengaged or defiant, and develop a sweet connection that inspires trust and adoration from your child
  • The 4 worst words you can say when making a request of your child and how to phrase your requests in a way that will establish your calm, centered “alpha energy”
  • “Mom TV”: an annoying thing most young children like to do that pushes your buttons (how to recognize this in the moment, so you’re not automatically triggered and can stay calmly in charge and in control of your emotions)
  • The 6 subconscious reasons why we resort to logic, threats, and yelling and how knowing these can open up new possibilities for becoming a more balanced and effective parent
  • How using a counterintuitive approach to dealing with whining, temper tantrums, and meltdowns can soothe your child and garner calm and cooperation in mere minutes without yelling, bribes, or threats
  • What to do in the moments when your child’s insolent behavior triggers you into rage, so you keep your cool and not feel racked with remorse later
  • How examining the times you say “should” or “shouldn’t” to yourself as it relates to your child’s behavior can help you become a more enlightened parent
  • What to do and say if your child is addicted to electronics, wants to do something inappropriate for their age, talks back, and other parenting challenges

What we’ll cover in each session

Session 1

Session 1

Taking the High Road—And The Long View

  • Why you get triggered by your child’s behavior, and how to make mini “course corrections” that add up to big wins for both of you
  • How to keep the daily grind of schedules and to-do lists from getting in the way of your parenting joy
  • Create a parenting vision that will be a compass for everything you do with your child
Session 2

Session 2

What Type Of Parent Are You?

  • Captain, lawyer, or dictator? A typical parent will usually have moments where they embody each of these personas
  • Get clear on when you’re crossing the line into an ineffective parenting type and how to claim the role of Captain as your default mode
  • A counterintuitive approach that will get your child to listen while also strengthening your connection
Session 3

Session 3

The Most Important Gift You Can Give Your Child

  • The 6 Stages of Attachment, according to Gordon Neufeld, and why they’re so important to establishing a harmonious household, plus how to create the all-important sense of safety that will make your child want to cooperate
  • A new way to look at praise that will encourage your child to derive his or her sense of self worth from within
  • How to help your child develop the intrinsic motivation needed to make and sustain positive changes
Session 4

Session 4

Pulling the Plug On Power Struggles

  • How to tap into your child’s underlying needs when they’re misbehaving and show you a simple way to diffuse push-back and power plays
  • Why you might be exhausting yourself trying to talk with your child, plus a surprisingly simple one-word solution you can use when your child is being defiant
  • Word-for-word scripts to come alongside your child, helping you instantly diffuse tension and promote cooperation on the spot
Session 5

Session 5

Raising the Resilient Child

  • Setting your child up to become the kind of person who can roll with the punches so that he or she can weather whatever life brings
  • Specific strategies for handling your child’s upset and disappointment, including a surprising way to interrupt your child from deteriorating in frustration (diverting attention)
  • The power of saying no to your child—and how to move through the “wall of futility” when your child realizes he’s not going to get what he wants
Session 6

Session 6

Forging The Bond Of A Lifetime

  • Why children become defiant, and how to get a yes from your child even if other parenting tactics have failed
  • How to take the pH of your parent-child relationship, plus advice on lowering acidity to encourage more fun and connection
  • Why you need a family meeting (no matter what your household looks like) and how to have one

Ongoing Support and Inspiration

EXPERT ADVICE NEWSLETTER

Our EXPERT ADVICE NEWSLETTER will give you regular insights and practices to help you stay committed on your journey.

Included in this special bundle is our expert love and transformation advice newsletter. It contains much of our most impactful advice and strategies, and will help you build a strong foundation for living the best, most fulfilled life possible.

Place your order and be watching Parenting Without Bargains, Battles or Bribes in a matter of minutes. Take a full 7 days to watch the entire video, participate in the exercises, and try out the process of Act One Parenting and the Captain of the Ship method with your children. See for yourself how much calmer, kinder and more centered you feel as a parent and how much happier and more cooperative your children become.

If, at the end of the 7 days, you decide this isn’t the right solution for you, simply let me know and I’ll refund your investment in FULL, no questions, no hassle. This is my promise: You’ll find outstanding value from this program after putting it into practice for a full week or pay nothing!

Once you place your order, you’ll also begin receiving the Flourish newsletter—which means even more advice from our curated community of experts. We’ll send you articles with eye-opening insights and practical strategies you can put into practice right away. It’s completely free, and it’s our way of helping you flourish in every area of your life.

My Risk-Free Promise

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Here’s How to Make the MOST of the Precious Time You Have With Your Children to Raise Happy, Well-Adjusted Adults Whose Gifts Can Make the World a Better Place

I’ve always believed that it’s important for parents to nurture their children into becoming who they’re meant to be.

That’s why, as a family therapist, I wanted to show parents how to really listen to their child, get to know their child deeply and completely, and accept her for all her sweet, quirky, and crazy-making qualities. This way, your child never feels abandoned or rejected, even when she’s fundamentally different from you.

By fully knowing and accepting your child, you can help her grow up to be a happier, fulfilled adult who has healthy, loving relationships—not just with her own partner and children, but with you as well.

Here’s the thing about being a parent: For a very brief time, we have our children under our roof and get to influence who they’re going to become and how they’re going to feel about themselves and treat others. This time is as PRECIOUS as it gets. We must do our best to be the most enlightened parents we are capable of being, so that our children have the best opportunity to become the enlightened adults they are capable of being.

Just because you practice balanced parenting doesn’t mean that your children will always be obedient and compliant. There will be challenging times, but holding steady in the face of those challenges doesn’t have to be a struggle. Parenting should mostly be about joy and play and fun and connection, not about yelling, coercion, bribery, and regret.

With Parenting Without Bargains, Battles or Bribes, you’ll learn how to weather the storms of childhood with grace and sanity. You’ll feel good about yourself as a parent and you’ll have confidence that you’re doing your best, no matter what.

Ultimately, this means that you’ll be able to shepherd your child’s light and gift forth for whatever purpose it’s meant to serve, so that their talents and contributions can flourish.

Warmly,

Susan Stiffelman

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$199.85
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Monthly Payment Plan

5 payments of:

$39.97
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