Parenting

Here’s The Secret To Raising Your Kids To Become Confident, Capable Adults Who Feel Free To Be Their Authentic Selves

The Powerful Parenting Secret That Eliminates Feelings Of Self-Doubt, Inadequacy, And Unworthiness In Your Child, So They Feel Great About Themselves, Others, And Life

Like most parents, you likely want the best for your kids when they grow up.

You want them to be happy, do what they love, and feel free to always be themselves.

Maybe you’ve imagined them as young adults, feeling passionate about their chosen profession or having grand adventures and seeing the world. You picture them falling in love with someone who adores and respects them, and is supportive and kind.

Shelly Lefkoe

Renowned parenting expert and cofounder of The Lefkoe Institute

You don’t want them to grow up feeling like victims of circumstance or of someone else’s whim. You want them to have the courage to stand up for themselves and ask for what they want, and know how to set good boundaries when faced with difficult people.

In your mind’s eye, you see them as intelligent, creative, and efficacious. They can do whatever they set their mind to, and if things don’t work out for some reason, you see them not taking any setbacks personally. They just brush it right off and move forward with confidence.

You hope they feel deeply content and well-adjusted, and aren’t suffering from self-doubt, or limiting themselves because they don’t believe they’re capable or worthy.

You love the thought that they’ll always have wonderful friendships, loving partners, and their own happy, confident children.

They are living the life you’ve dreamed they would have: a life that’s free of self-doubt…a life that’s not burdened with psychological “baggage.”

This is the pinnacle of what every parent ever wants for their children:

To love themselves and love their life.

We Don’t Want Our Kids To Struggle In Life Or Feel Poorly About Themselves

It pains us to imagine that our children may grow up and struggle—emotionally, financially, or spiritually.

We want to protect them from harm, and make sure they have whatever resources they need to feel good about themselves. We don’t want them to have to experience challenges such as:

  • Never taking a chance for fear of failure
  • Having unfulfilling or difficult romantic relationships
  • Being afraid to say no for fear of conflict
  • Getting stuck in a career or a series of jobs that doesn’t excite them
  • Financial struggles because they don’t have a stable or well-paying career
  • Addictions to alcohol, drugs, work, or food
  • Depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem
  • People-pleasing and codependency
  • Not quite knowing what they want out of life
  • Feeling inadequate, unlovable, unworthy

Maybe you’ve even concluded that a lot of the challenges can be avoided if you just give them certain advantages.

You want to make sure they get a good education so they don’t struggle financially when they become adults, so you move to a better school district, hire tutors, or help them with their homework.

You want them to grow up doing what they love, so you sign them up for a multitude of camps, classes, and hobbies so they can try out different things to discover their talents and passions.

You read to them when they’re little because you want them to appreciate books.

You try to motivate and encourage them to practice their talents, because you know how important it is to have discipline in life.

You tell them to “get going when the going gets tough” because you want them to have grit.

You tell them you love them because you want them to to know they’re loved.

You give them hugs when they have a bad day because you want them to feel you have their backs.

But despite all of this, it’s very likely that they will STILL grow up to have self-doubt and low self-esteem. Which means that they might still struggle to find a job they love, a partner who’s right for them, or to feel at peace with themselves.

Why is that?

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We know that we can’t control the economy, luck, the friends they make, whom they’re attracted to, or even genetics.

It’s true: we can’t control those things.

But we CAN control the ONE THING that can make all the difference in our child’s future.

This one thing is the reason some people go through life feeling like victims, and others go through life feeling like victors.

This one thing affects how people feel about themselves, about others, and about life in general.

What is this one thing that we can control about our kids?

How they feel about themselves.

The Basis For All Happiness Or All Dysfunction In Life Starts With THIS

How we feel about ourselves has an immense influence on what kind of life we live and the challenges with which we struggle.

How do I know?

Because for the past 30 years, I’ve been working with thousands of people from almost every country, and all walks of life, ALL of whom struggle with some kind of issue—as serious as eating disorders, depression, and anxiety, to everyday problems such as procrastination and unsatisfactory jobs or relationships.

In virtually every case, I’ve discovered that the underlying cause of dysfunction and unhappiness in life is a series of beliefs, most of which were formed in early childhood as a result of interactions with parents.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that parents were abusive or neglectful—although some were.

On the contrary, in some cases, these adults had parents who loved and cared for them, deeply.

They gave them what they thought were all the “advantages,” such as the best schools, nice homes, and safe neighborhoods.

But they failed to give them the one advantage that could have made all the difference, which is positive beliefs about themselves that lead to self-regard and high self-esteem.

Instead, they subconsciously instilled negative self-beliefs in their children. Beliefs such as:

“I’m not good enough.”

“I’m powerless.”

“My value comes from what people think of me.”

“I’m unlovable.”

“I’m not important.”

“My feelings don’t matter.”

“I’m inadequate and incapable.”

“I am powerless.”

“What I want or think doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t matter.”

And these beliefs lead to a plethora of negative outcomes in their adult lives.

Negative Beliefs Lead To All Kinds Of Dysfunction In Life, And Settling For Much Less Than You Deserve

When you don’t feel worthy, or lovable, you end up in unfulfilling careers and relationships.

When you don’t feel like you matter, you don’t stand up for yourself. You become a victim.

When you feel powerless, you exert power over others in a destructive way by yelling, manipulating, or controlling, or you allow others to exert power over you in that way.

When you feel you don’t matter, you numb yourself with food and substances, or work. You don’t speak up for yourself when you’re being treated poorly.

You might be thinking, how is this possible? Did the parents tell the kids they were unworthy and unlovable? Did they tell them they didn’t matter?

Not directly, no.

You see, we don’t have to say these things directly to our children in order for them to believe this about themselves.

All that needs to happen is for us to behave or speak in a way that leads our children to conclude that about themselves.

We subconsciously do and say things to our children that have negative impacts on their psyche rather than the positive impacts we would like. In other words, we don’t know what effect our words and actions are having on our kids. We think we’re not saying anything “bad”—but we are.

Children playing on tree swing

If you’ve ever told your child, not just once, but over and over:

“Not now, I’m on the phone.”

“Go to bed, right now!”

“I’m tired of repeating myself. Do it now!”

“Because I said so!”

“What were you thinking?”

“Be quiet!”

“Don’t touch that!”

“Here, let me get that for you.”

“Why can’t you be more like your sister/brother?”

Then guess what? You’ve been inadvertently helping your child form negative self-beliefs!

But I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad.

It’s not your fault. NONE of us were taught positive parenting skills. Not from our parents, not from school, and certainly not from society.

In fact, we learned this dysfunctional way of parenting from our own parents, and they learned it from theirs, and so on.

Unless you become conscious of the ways in which you’re behaving and speaking that promote negative self-beliefs in your children, you’ll just keep doing it. Automatically.

Isn’t that amazing and horrible at the same time?

You may be wondering what you can do to break this chain of dysfunction so that you’re not unwittingly passing along destructive beliefs to your children.

What can you do to give your child a better life than you had, by changing how they feel about themselves?

How can you make sure they grow up to have high self-esteem and self-regard?

By changing your OWN beliefs about parenting FIRST.

The ONE Belief About Parenting That Is Deadly, Because It Underlies So Much Detrimental Parental Behavior

The most common belief that prevents us from being effective and compassionate parents is the belief that:

“Parents are the boss.”

When you believe that you’re the boss of your child, you also believe that:

  • Children need to listen and do as they’re told.
  • You know what’s best for your children.
  • You have final say.
  • Children can’t be trusted to do what’s in their best interest.
  • You’re responsible for their behavior.

When you believe that YOU are the boss of your kids, you behave in such a way that causes your child to conclude that they are powerless, unheard, disregarded, and unworthy.

When you believe you’re the boss, and your child says, “But I don’t want to!” your response is likely something along the lines of, “I don’t care what you want. Do it now or you’ll be punished.” What they may likely conclude is, what I want doesn’t matter.

When you believe you’re the boss, and your child interrupts you when you’re on the phone, cooking dinner, or having a conversation with a visitor, you might say in an annoyed tone, “Not now, can’t you see that I’m busy?” What they may conclude when they hear that is, what I have to say isn’t important. I’m not important.

Father and son playing together

Not just once, but many times.

When you believe you’re the boss, and your child wants to know why they have to get into their car seat, or get dressed, or eat their dinner, you might say, “Do it or else! I’m not going to tell you again.” What they conclude is, I’m powerless.

When you believe you’re the boss, and you’re in a restaurant with your family and your child gets up from the table for the third time, you may sternly say, “Sit down! What did I tell you? You never listen.” What they hear and might conclude is, there’s something wrong with me.

There’s a way to speak to your child that both gets you what you want (because you don’t want to let your child just run around disturbing people in public), AND creates the environment for your child to form positive beliefs about themselves.

But look, again, I’m not saying you’re a bad parent. It’s NORMAL for you to feel fed up, frustrated, or angry—you’re a human being, and parenting can be hard.

Especially when you don’t have the tools and skills to do it better.

You just default back to what YOU were taught to believe about parenting, and do or say the same things that you heard your parents say to you, unaware of the effect it may have.

That’s why it’s time to change all that for your own kids.

It’s time to give your kids all the advantages you never had—emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually.

It’s time to end the chain of dysfunction.

Let me show you how.

Introducing Parenting That Empowers—The Tools And Skills To Ensure Your Children Grow Up To Be Resilient, Confident Adults Who Feel Free To Live Their Best Lives

The way you behave and what you say to your kids is so crucial to how they feel about themselves, and therefore, what kind of life they’ll have well into old age.

If your child is under the age of 7 now, it’s a particularly crucial time, because most of their self-esteem is developed by then.

If your child is an adolescent, they may already be forming coping skills to deal with subconscious feelings of worthlessness or powerlessness.

And if your children are any age in between, they are still susceptible to forming negative self-beliefs based on the meaning they make about what happens to them—at school, with friends, or at home.

That’s why, whatever age your children are now, it’s not too late to help them form positive self-beliefs or even undo the damage that’s already happened to their self-esteem.

I grew up forming certain negative beliefs about myself and about parenting, but I didn’t recognize those beliefs in myself until I was well into adulthood. And thankfully, I was able to take steps to reverse those negative beliefs, so I wouldn’t propagate them with my own children.

My husband and I raised our own daughters to have positive self-beliefs, and they have grown into happy, confident women who love their lives and themselves.

I feel so strongly that raising your children to have positive self-beliefs is so transformative to their well-being and future, that I have made it my life mission to reach out to as many parents all over the world as I can with these tools and skills.

I truly believe that if every parent learns and applies these skills, we can raise not just happier children, but much happier and emotionally well-adjusted adults, because they will be true to themselves and living an authentic life.

We can create a brighter future for our children. We can raise a generation of adults who are resilient, self-assured, and compassionate.

If adults are more compassionate, they are less prone to violence. If they are raised to not think like victims, they are less likely to blame others for their own challenges.

And perhaps, through raising better adults, we can even end violence and war as we know it.

We can change the world simply by changing the way we parent.

That’s why I decided to put everything I know about this empowering way of parenting into a program that virtually anyone can access and learn, and make an invaluable difference in their children’s lives.

I call this program Parenting That Empowers: How To Ensure Your Child Becomes A Happy, Confident, Capable Adult.

This is an 8-hour audio program, plus workbook, that will show you how to behave and speak to your child, even in the most challenging circumstances, so that you always communicate that they matter, they’re important, and they’re lovable.

You’ll learn how to teach your children to re-frame setbacks, rejections, and disappointments so that they don’t turn painful memories into debilitating beliefs about themselves.

You’ll learn what to say and what not to say to your children when you need them to do (or stop doing) something, so they conclude they’re empowered, accepted, and respected. (And you feel respected, too!)

You’ll discover the secret to knowing how to best approach your child without having to rely on pre-packaged or memorized scripts or tricks, but to ask yourself two simple questions before you even speak to your child.

These 2 fundamental questions are the key to having more empathy and understanding of your child’s experience, and to transforming the way you parent.

You’ll be amazed at how much calmer your interactions will become with your kids.

Instead of tantrums and meltdowns, you and your kids will have respectful interactions that leave you ALL feeling good about yourselves.

Instead of shame, yelling, and punishments to get your kids to do what you need them to do, your kids will be self-motivated to do what’s best for them.

You’ll feel better as a parent, knowing you’re giving your child the most important advantage they’ll have for the rest of their life: self-esteem and self-respect.

And you’ll do all of this while making YOUR job as a parent much, much easier.

Here’s More of What You’ll Discover Through This Empowering Program:

  • The underlying cause of dissatisfying relationships, dissatisfaction with life, procrastination, not feeling worthy, eating disorders, and certain kinds of depression, and why the way you speak to your child can either prevent these problems or be the cause of them
  • How to empower your child into making good choices without yelling, shaming, criticism, or punishments, but by rephrasing what you say to them in the moment
  • What type of conversations and phrases to avoid so that your child doesn’t grow up feeling incapable, powerless, not good enough, or not important
  • The 5 most common adult life challenges and issues and how they are the result of negative self-beliefs formed in childhood (and what you can do to ensure your child doesn’t struggle with these issues when they reach adulthood)
  • The 2 questions to ask yourself before you say something instructive or demand something from your child that will help you form the best response in the moment
  • How to support your child into being self-motivated, instead of having to nag, scold, or yell at your child, and how doing this leads to positive beliefs and higher self-esteem
  • Positive, empowering ways to get your child to go to bed and stay in bed, do their homework, and do their chores, simply by changing how you phrase your requests
  • The reason why punishing your child doesn’t work to change their behavior and may actually be helping them form negative beliefs about themselves in the long run, and what to do instead when your child is disrespectful or makes poor choices
  • The 5 steps to getting your child to do what you’d like them to do that won’t escalate arguments or instill negative self-beliefs
  • The 6 common things parents say that should be avoided at all costs if you want your child to grow up to feel confident and self-assured
  • The #1 most destructive belief you can have about yourself as a parent, and why this insidious belief can be the cause of emotional problems and family dysfunction for generations (and how to change this belief if you discover you have it)
  • The hard truth about discipline and punishment and what to do to garner more cooperation from your children without resorting to ineffective, destructive tactics
  • Why your child may grow up to develop survival strategies in response to the anxiety they feel from having low-self esteem, and what you can do TODAY to ensure they feel free to be themselves as adults

What I’ll cover in each Module

Module 1

Module 1

Parenting Styles That Form Negative Beliefs

  • The underlying childhood cause of most feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, depression, and lack of fulfillment in adults
  • What your child may conclude about themselves, about others, and about life if you speak to them in a certain way when you’re busy, stressed, or angry
  • The surprising reason why beliefs formed in childhood can stick with us our entire lives
  • The childhood cause of adult procrastination, unhappy relationships, fear of confrontation, worrying about what other people think, fear of public speaking, workaholism, and more
Module 2

Module 2

How to Effectively and Compassionately Handle the 5 Most Common Parenting Dilemmas

  • How to help your child go to bed, do chores, finish their homework, and get out of the house on time without causing them to develop negative self-beliefs
  • The distinction between punishment and consequences, and why you shouldn’t punish your child when they’ve done something wrong or have failed to do something
  • Why using the word “WHY” is so ineffective when you’re asking your child about why they did or didn’t do something, and how to phrase this inquiry instead
  • What to say to your child when you’re on the phone, busy, or simply want to spend time with your own friends and interests, that doesn’t promote negative self-beliefs
Module 3

Module 3

Dispelling Destructive Beliefs About Parenting

  • Why some parents become helicopter parents and the truth about how this affects your child and their future success
  • The #1 destructive belief so many parents have about parenting and their role in their children’s lives
  • What your children would need to believe in order to do everything you ask them to do, without backtalk or hesitation, and how this can make you rethink the concept of obedience
  • How the chain of dysfunction is formed and perpetuated from generation to generation, and what you can do to ensure that you develop a better standard for your children and grandchildren
Module 4

Module 4

Self-Esteem and Survival Strategies in Children and Adults

  • The definition of self-esteem and why it is so critical for the life-long happiness and success of human beings
  • The period of time in a child’s life when self-esteem is formed and the type of parental interactions that can build healthy self-esteem or destroy self-esteem
  • What a survival strategy is, when it is formed, and why, and what you can do to ensure that your child doesn’t form destructive survival strategies such as addictions or violent tendencies
  • Examples of how high and low self-esteem show up later in life in terms of job satisfaction, relationship success, and overall wellbeing
Module 5

Module 5

Tips for the Conscious Parent

  • What NOT to say to your child when you’re angry, and strategies and tools to be an effective and compassionate parent even when you’re tired, stressed, or fed up
  • What question to ask your child (if you’re worried what people will think of their choices and behaviors) that will motivate—not shame—them into making better decisions
  • How to get to the source of whatever is causing your child’s behavior or upset, and why doing so can help solve many common issues once and for all
  • The 3 questions to ask a teen when they’ve made mistakes that will help them be more reflective and responsible
Module 6

Module 6

The 12 Beliefs About Parenting & Tools for Parenting Teens

  • The 12 damaging beliefs parents have about parenting, and the negative effects they can have on children
  • How to tell if you’re a helicopter parent by evaluating the things you said (or say) to your child when they were toddlers
  • How to raise a teen who will not follow the crowd or do dangerous things just because they’re worried about what others will think
  • How to reframe when your child tells you “no” and why you want your child to speak up and question authority
Module 7

Module 7

How to Dispel Negative Beliefs and Change Your and Your Child’s Experience of Life

  • The distinction between consequences and the meaning of events, and why this is so critical in our experience of life
  • How to help your child better handle unhappy events such as not being invited to a party, or when their friends reject them, or when they don’t do well on a test, so they’ll develop positive self-regard instead of low self-regard
  • The process to keep negative beliefs from ever being formed and eliminate negative emotions on the spot
Module 8

Bonus Module

Interview With Shelly Lefkoe’s Daughters

  • A no-holds-barred interview with Blake and Brittany about what it was like growing up in the Lefkoe household and being parented consciously
  • Insights into the long-term results and outcomes of these parenting tools and skills

Ongoing Support and Inspiration

EXPERT ADVICE NEWSLETTER

Our EXPERT ADVICE NEWSLETTER will give you regular insights and practices to help you stay committed on your journey.

Included in this special bundle is our expert love and transformation advice newsletter. It contains much of our most impactful advice and strategies, and will help you build a strong foundation for living the best, most fulfilled life possible.

Place your order and start listening to Parenting That Empowers in a matter of minutes. Take a full 7 days to examine the program, listen to the modules and do all the self-reflection exercises to help you empathize with your child and learn valuable skills about parenting. See for yourself how these tools can help your child develop positive self-regard and be more self-motivated.

If, at the end of the 7 days, you decide this isn’t the right solution for you, simply let me know and I’ll refund your investment in FULL, no questions, no hassle. This is my promise: you’ll find outstanding value from this program after putting it into practice for a full week or pay nothing!

Once you place your order, you’ll also begin receiving the Flourish newsletter—which means even more advice from our curated community of experts. We’ll send you articles with eye-opening insights and practical strategies you can put into practice right away. It’s completely free, and it’s our way of helping you flourish in every area of your life.

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How I Changed My Beliefs, Broke The Chain Of Dysfunction, And Gave My Children The Freedom To Be Themselves And Say YES To Life

Parents don’t make mistakes because they don’t love their children. They DO love their children and they want what’s best for them.

I know my own parents adored me and wanted me, because they spent 7 long years trying to conceive before they had me and later, my brother. But, like all parents everywhere, mine weren’t perfect, either.

I was blessed to have a mom who was very unconditionally loving but did too much for me and so I concluded I wasn’t capable. Even though I could do a lot of things well, when I didn’t know how to do something I staffed it out or just didn’t try.

My dad was strict with us and got angry a lot. He yelled, he made demands, and even slapped me once. Deep down, he believed that he was powerless, so the only way he could feel powerful was to dominate us when we weren’t behaving in the way he expected us to behave. He always felt bad after he yelled because he loved me so much but nevertheless I concluded, Mistakes and failures are bad.

Mother embracing daughter

My mom also worried a lot about what people thought, and believed the only way to be valued is to be accepted in the eyes of others. So when I was popular, loved, and thought well of, she was happy. If I wasn’t invited to a party she would be sad. So I concluded what makes me good enough is being thought well of.

This belief ran my life. I asked friends what they were wearing to a party for fear I wouldn’t dress appropriately. I was afraid to express myself in how I dressed. I was always a fairly self expressive person but when I eliminated this belief I became my true and authentic self.

That’s why, when I finally eliminated the false and negative beliefs that kept me from being true to myself, I knew that I had to teach other parents how to change their beliefs and behavior, so that their children wouldn’t grow up feeling unworthy and incapable the way I had.

In my own role as a parent, I want to give my daughters the best gift I can imagine: the freedom to be themselves.

That’s because every time I allow my daughters the freedom they need to grow, every time I let go of rigid expectations, every time I discover another respectful way of being with my children, I break the chain of dysfunction.

I say YES to life, and YES to freedom, and NO to the way of my parents, and their parents, and their parents.

Let me show you how to parent your children so they, too, can grow up to have self-respect and a joy for life. I promise you, it will make each day you spend with your children so much more rewarding, and it will make your children feel valued, respected, and loved…always.

Love,

Shelly Lefkoe

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