Would you like to stop feeling insecure because the person you want, doesn’t want you, and start experiencing the kind of soul-satisfying, passionate love you deserve from a partner?
I’m so glad you’re here because I really want to help you. But before I can do so, I’d like you to ask yourself these questions:
Psychotherapist, author, podcaster, and leading voice on cultivating healthy intimacy
You’re not alone if you’ve answered “yes” to any of these all-too-common dating and relationship scenarios.
It’s confusing, infuriating, heartbreaking… You meet someone you think is “perfect” for you. They have the looks, the personality, the uniqueness that attracts you so much, but they’re either unavailable or they aren’t sure if YOU are someone they want.
Or they come across as interested in you, only to fade away with no explanation whatsoever.
You can’t stop wondering if the reason has something to do with you.
Is it something you did or said?
You think to yourself, There must be a good reason why this person rejected me when all I did was be as kind, funny, interesting as I could possibly be…
And not knowing exactly WHY they faded away or rejected you drove you a little bit crazy.
And you started wondering, “What if the problem is that they’re just not as attracted to me?”
And so you began to reflect back on yourself. You started looking into things you could do to ramp up the attraction this person felt for you. You were seduced by certain “tricks” you read about on the internet.
Maybe you started acting distant in hopes that it would entice them to get closer.
Maybe you paid more attention to the clothes or makeup you wore, or how your body looked.
Or you suppressed certain qualities about yourself that you suspected were a bit odd, or quirky, or less than desirable.
For example, if you were normally a talkative person, you became more subdued around them.
If you frequently let things bother you, you forced yourself to let things go.
Or if you were a natural helper and like to fix and give advice, you told yourself to listen more and advise less.
You “took things slow” or you didn’t, mentally gauging whether one approach or the other will work to trigger some kind of longing in that person.
You did these things because you were under the impression that the reason you haven’t had much success with dating, love, and relationships is because you haven’t mastered the art of attraction.
You just haven’t improved yourself enough to be irresistible.
But the minute you get involved in trying to get people to be more attracted to you, you’re opening yourself up to disappointment and heartbreak.
You see, the approach of trying to change yourself in order to get someone to want you is flawed because the person you want is already unavailable to you.
The more you change yourself in order to be more “attractive”, the further away from yourself you get.
So even if you were to get them to want you for a short time, ultimately, it can never work because they aren’t really interested in the real you.
Because they pick up on your own feeling that you need to change, because you’re not already enough. And here’s what’s essential for you to know: The more you feel like you’re not enough, the more you’ll be attracted to people who AGREE!
This is why you’ve been so disappointed in love.
But what if I told you that your deepest innate gifts don’t need fixing at all?
That you’re absolutely perfect in all your flaws and quirks? Your age, those extra pounds, and the things you try to fix probably matter a whole lots less than you ever imagined?
In fact, the aspects of your personality you feel the most embarrassed to reveal…
What you perceive as your greatest character flaws…
The things you’re most insecure about, and try to hide from others…
Those “weaknesses” you’re always trying to minimize, eliminate or hide…
Your sensitivities, your tender vulnerabilities…
The aspects of yourself that you think are “too much”… or “not enough”
Are the very things that hold the keys to finding the greatest love and creating the most authentic & strongest relationship of your life?
In fact, they offer a path to love that matches your dreams of what love can be.
But instead of embracing these aspects, you hide these tender, vulnerable parts of your personality for what you think are very good reasons…
You so want love, and you’ve been hurt in the past. Maybe you’ve blamed yourself for why things didn’t work out.
So now you hide the traits you think will scare someone you like away. For example:
When you meet someone new, you don’t admit your greatest desires, such as a longing to get married or start a family.
You don’t share “unattractive” feelings and avoid conflict, pretending you aren’t upset if he or she didn’t respond to a text, or pressured you, or went radio silent for a week.
Or perhaps in the past, you’ve been told that you’re “too much” or “too loud” or “too passionate”. So instead of relaxing on a date, you put on a fake persona and act more composed and reserved than you really are.
You hide, you suppress, you pretend… all to ensure you don’t chase away love.
I completely understand, because I did this very thing myself. For decades. And for decades, I remained single, even though I wanted love and companionship so much.
But I’ve come to realize a powerful truth that changed everything, and that is:
Allow me to explain…
As a psychotherapist, I’ve had many clients come to me for help because they wanted so desperately to find love.
Some complained that they felt they were “too much”—too demanding, too intense, too passionate about something. Some complained they weren’t “enough”—that they were too ineffective, quiet, or passive.
They thought these qualities were getting in the way of finding love, and they wanted me to help them work through these unwanted aspects of themselves.
But what some described as a weakness, I saw as generosity, humility, selflessness, and tenderness of heart…
What they thought was an inability to let go in the face of rejection, I saw as deep and innate loyalty.
What they feared was naiveté, I saw as openness, and trust.
Over the years, the characteristics of my clients which I found most inspiring, most essentially THEM, were the ones which frequently caused them the most suffering.
That’s when I realized that the very aspects that they were trying to hide, or were ashamed of, were their most beautiful parts:
It’s a place that I call the Gift Zone.
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The easiest way to explain your Gift Zone is to imagine a target.
Let’s imagine that the closer you are to the center of this target, the closer you come to your most authentic self, to the exquisite core of your humanity, to the beating heart of your true self. That is where you feel most alive, most at home, most in the flow of life.
That is the innermost circle, your Gift Zone, and it’s the key to finding the love you’ve been longing for.
It is also a place where you sometimes feel the most vulnerable, uncertain, and defensive.
In fact, if you are criticized or rejected, you feel it the most here.
Why? Because this is a zone that is closest to your soul. It’s the real you.
You are careful who you allow to see those precious parts of you, because you know how painful it would be to be rejected for who you really are.
After all, what would be more painful than being rejected for being the truest version of YOU?
That’s why, on an unconscious level, you put up defenses, walls, and barriers. You live in the Protection Zone to protect the real you from insult and judgment.
But here’s the thing:
Living and loving from the Protection Zone means you keep love at arms length, and never get the intimacy and acceptance you crave.
You pretend to not care, when in fact you care so much.
You pretend to like the things other people like, so you won’t be ridiculed.
You don’t stand out.
You aren’t as unique.
You don’t have as many needs.
You are more easygoing and less demanding.
You “fit in”.
Essentially, you create a “safe” version of yourself, someone who will not be harmed by the judgement and reaction of others.
This safe version is your armour against pain and rejection, especially in front of those who make you feel the most vulnerable: those to whom you feel drawn to romantically and sexually.
The more you’re vested in someone being attracted to you, the more you hide your Gift Zone.
That’s because rejection or embarrassment in front of people we desire can hurt the most.
The opposite is also true: the less romantically attracted you are to someone, the more of your “real you” you’re able to share. You aren’t afraid of rejection or pain with someone you don’t feel attached to.
That is why you may find yourself wanting people who turn out not to be right for you. People who are unavailable, toxic, critical, or who can’t love you.
They can’t love you because you never let them see the “real you”.
Only the people who get to see the real you can truly love you.
And if you only share the real you with people you don’t want, you will continue to attract and date people that leave you feeling cold, lonely and disappointed.
That’s why our life’s journey is learning how to live as close as we can to the bull’s eye of the circle—the beauty and power of our Gift Zone.
Living in your Gift Zone isn’t easy, but it is so worth it!
Because your Gift Zone is where your heart is open and hopeful. It’s the place you love FROM.
It is where you feel moved and inspired.
It is the wordless ache in your heart.
It is the wave of longing for something or someone.
It is where your soul is touched and softened.
It would be devastating to have this most beautiful, precious part of you attacked or rejected by someone whose love you wanted.
That’s why you naturally tend to hold back, pretend, hide, suppress, withhold your beautiful authenticity in a misguided effort to be more “attractive,” or to avoid driving away that one special person you’re really, really into.
And why, up until now, you’ve either:
-- failed to attract the kind of person who appreciates you and wants to love you,
-- attracted emotionally unavailable, toxic, unkind, or dishonest partners in the past.
In other words, the degree to which you don’t love these parts of yourself is the degree to which you will be drawn to people who also don’t love these parts of you.
In order to attract the right partner and create a healthy, happy relationship, you have to do what probably scares you most:
You have to be as most authentically you as possible, not just once in a while when it feels safe, but more and more of the time.
You have to let the tender, beautiful parts of you shine.
Not hide them. Not suppress them. Not deny them.
If you don’t, you’re going to continue to show up as less than your true self.
You’re going to continue to shame yourself for your deepest insecurities and desires—the very things that make you unique and beautiful to the right person.
You’re going to dishonor your needs, and dishonored needs become neediness and manipulation—exactly how you don’t want to come across.
Basically, ignoring your Gift Zone is like pushing a beach ball under water.
Sooner or later, you’ll get tired of holding it down and it’ll explode upward above the surface in ways you may not want…anger, resentment, grief, addictions.
And it might cause you to give up on love altogether.
Or look for love from the wrong people.
That’s why I’ve made it my mission as a psychotherapist to help you discover your Gift Zone, and help you live from that place, so you can finally draw in the kind of relationship that will nourish your soul and bring you unparalleled joy.
The real search for love isn’t about becoming more attractive. Or confident. Or seductive. It’s about embracing the magic of our authenticity.
And then sharing it with bravery, generosity—and fierce discernment.
And here’s the funny thing:
It’s also the recipe for the life we dream of.
When I observed that my single clients were hiding the parts of themselves that were their greatest gifts and places of beauty, it lit an ember of insight in me.
This was why they hadn’t found real love or healthy relationships. This was why they were so confounded by dating.
It took me years to piece this all together into a theoretical framework and a “process” that I could replicate and teach to others effectively.
But I did it! And this process has helped thousands of singles uncover their Core Gifts… leading them to their life’s greatest love.
And now I’ve updated this process with my most recent insights and am making it available in my program, Deeper Dating: The Powerful Path to Authentic Love.
It will be a revelation to see that the parts of yourself you previously thought were flaws or embarrassing traits are actually your most beautiful qualities—qualities that you no longer have to hide or push below the surface.
I won’t lie—this can be a scary process when you first embark on it.
You’ll learn tools that help dissolve and work past those fears, and find out the deeper truth of those fears. The more you learn to love those parts of yourself which you previously pushed down, the less scary (and the more beautiful) they become to you.
Next, you’ll learn how to honor and then lead with your Core Gifts when you’re dating or meeting other singles, so that you naturally attract people who are more likely to appreciate and be drawn to who you really are.
And it’s not just about who you attract. You’ll start to see that your attraction to others will change. You’ll lose your taste for unhealthy relationships and you’ll be more intrigued by partners who have the emotional capacity to truly love you and commit to you.
You’ll learn how to tell the difference between attractions that lead to love and attractions that lead to pain. You’ll gain confidence in your ability to recognize a healthy relationship from the start.
You’ll learn about the Wave of Distancing: the single biggest saboteur of healthy, new love. This is when your soul knows you’re with someone who has the capacity to make you happy, but your heart is still trying to protect you, so you begin to mysteriously doubt your attraction to someone in “waves” that come and go.
I’ll explain why this happens and what you should do about it, so that you aren’t fleeing relationships that are good for you the way you may have in the past.
While you can’t force your sexual attraction, you’ll learn how to nurture and cultivate that spark of attraction you feel for the right person.
Yes, you can have a sweet and sustainable love that’s also wild, passionate and sexy.
This is especially important if you have a history of getting hooked on high-chemistry connections with unavailable people. Or if you avoid giving your heart to available people who love you for who you are.
Most dating approaches only teach us how to strengthen our defenses and armor. This program teaches you a way to honor the tender, authentic you underneath the armor while still being strong and discerning.
When you go through the Deeper Dating program:
The process you’ll learn in Deeper Dating is the quickest and easiest way to true, lasting, healthy love because you will no longer waste time in unhealthy relationships or attract unavailable partners.
You’ll go right to the heart of who you really are, and lead with your gifts instead of with your fears and insecurities.
I can’t wait to guide you on this most important journey of your adult life—the journey to intimacy and the search for true love.
When you watch this program, you’ll feel as if I’m guiding you personally, step-by-step, through this powerful process. You will feel my caring and warmth, and the quality of the healing that comes across in my words.
There’s a deep sense of personal connection and safety that comes across in this program, and a contagious excitement I have for this work that will be like wind at your back.
I can’t wait for you to experience it!
In Deeper Dating: The Powerful Path to Authentic Love, you’ll learn all the tools and insights you need to create a healthy, authentic, lifelong love:
A 6+ hour audio with 10 modules that take you through the Deeper Dating process, step-by-step, complete with reflection exercises and other methods that will help you uncover and honor your Core Gifts, as well as practical dating advice for cultivating healthy attractions.
4 (audio) micro-meditations related to finding your Core Gifts and developing healthier attractions
A 104-page workbook
You’ll also receive ongoing support and inspirations through our Free Flourish Newsletter. It’s packed with advice, insights and practical strategies from our curated community of experts.
You’ll be able to access the program within minutes of purchasing.
7 full days of unlimited access before deciding to keep it.
Not 100% thrilled? Let me know and I’ll give you a full refund.
Place your order and get full access to Deeper Dating: The Powerful Path to Authentic Love in a matter of minutes. Take a full 7 days to examine the program, and implement the process that will lead you directly to your Core Gifts, so that you can attract partners who are capable of loving and honoring you, and so that you can finally have a healthy, happy relationship for life.
If, at the end of the 7 days, you decide this isn’t the right solution for you, simply let me know and I’ll refund your investment in FULL, no questions, no hassle. This is my promise: You’ll find outstanding value from this program after putting it into practice for a full week or pay nothing!
Once you place your order, you’ll also begin receiving the Flourish newsletter—which means even more advice from our curated community of experts. We’ll send you articles with eye-opening insights and practical strategies you can put into practice right away. It’s completely free, and it’s our way of helping you flourish in every area of your life.
Discovering your Core Gifts and learning to honor and embrace them in order to find love is one of the greatest, most important journeys of your entire life.
It can lead to an absolute and stunning shift in the people you’re attracting, and the people you’re attracted to.
It’s a path to a future of love that matches your dreams of what love can be like.
And it’s one of the great privileges of my life to share what I’ve learned about this path.
This work moves me to a state of awe, as again and again, I see that this truest path to love—the path of authenticity—heals our lives at the same time it leads us to the kind of love we dream of.
It heals us because our deepest wounds frequently spring from our greatest gifts, and by acknowledging these gifts, we can speed and deepen our own healing.
This is one of the most powerful paths to love there is. But it’s more than that—it’s a path to the very source of love inside you. This is why it’s so powerful and works so well. It’s a path to your own greatness and potential in all parts of your life!
It’s the place where we feel the beating heart of our humanity. When we learn to lead with our gifts instead of hiding them, we become the people that we were always meant to be.
I wish I could be there to personally witness what happens when YOU learn these lessons of deeper dating: When you choose self-love over self-doubt, when you embrace your precious gifts instead of hiding behind your insecurities.
I wish I could watch you when you stretch your boundaries and find love moving closer.
Or witness the moment when you walk away from unkind, unavailable people, and see the look on your face when you share your vulnerable self with someone and it’s met with joy and appreciation.
Your honoring and appreciation of your Core Gifts transports you to the place you love from, it is the place you’re inspired from, and it’s the place you discriminate from.
All of these are tremendous gifts in your search for love. It’s the place where magic is.